Tag Archives: henry kissinger

  butchers of the world unite!

Politico Wins The Morning With Some Henry Kissinger Knob-Gobbling

The 70s were so weird.
Withered garden gnome Henry Kissinger got himself a nice little write-up in Politico the other day. The thrust of the knob-swabbing was that even at his nursing home-appropriate age of 91, visits to his consulting office to kiss the old butcher’s ring remain de rigueur for any presidential candidate from either major party. Which is how you get the spectacle of such foreign policy savants as Scott Walker, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio and Chris Friggin’ Christie parading through Kissinger’s inner sanctum to toast him with a goblet of the freshly squeezed blood of orphaned Third World street urchins that keeps the Dark Lord’s atrophied heart beating. Read more on Politico Wins The Morning With Some Henry Kissinger Knob-Gobbling…
  But It Wasn't A Chicken! It Was A Baby!

Fine, Here Is Your Big Colbert Report Farewell Number

Are we sure Randy Newman didn't write that song?
Stephen Colbert did his very last show last night, and while it couldn’t possibly top the majesty and brilliance of the Seinfeld finale, it also didn’t close out the series with a clip show, either. Read more on Fine, Here Is Your Big Colbert Report Farewell Number…
  When The President Does It It's Not Illegal

Watch Harry Shearer Dick Nixon — Before He Dicks You (Video)

You'll believe a man can be slimy
If you’re any kind of liberal at all — and as a Wonkette reader, you’re the very best kind of liberal, because you’re immune to cheap flattery — you hold a special, very dark place in your heart for Richard Milhous Nixon, the slimiest human being to ever pace around the Oval Office and cry to a portrait of Lincoln at 3 AM. Oh, sure, Reagan and Dubya may have been far worse at actually Presidenting, but Nixon’s paranoid self-importance and underhanded sleaziness put the man in a category all his own. He was truly a complex mass of inconsistencies, for whom Hunter S. Thompson’s loathing was fully justified: Read more on Watch Harry Shearer Dick Nixon — Before He Dicks You (Video)…
  shameless speculation

Did Bilderberg Monsters Just Crown Mitt Romney Your Next Leader?

Hot rumors suggest that Mitt Romney may have been in attendance at last weekend’s top secret Bilderberg enclave in Virginia, where he may or may not have been anointed America’s next ruler by the world leaders of government, finance, media and technology and also possibly imbibed a chalice of Henry Kissinger’s blood as an oath of obedience, or not. (“Or not” meaning the blood. The obedience was undoubtedly sworn.) There were witnesses! Read more on Did Bilderberg Monsters Just Crown Mitt Romney Your Next Leader?…
  holiday in cambodia

‘Swinging Single’ Dr. Henry Kissinger Reduced To Getting All His Action From TSA

It seems the TSA has taken a break from the hard work of molesting babies and congressmen and little girls with degenerative spinal diseases and poor Geraldo Rivera, and has turned its attentions instead to actually dangerous old men. How dangerous? Well, dude has been known to order the deployment of a bomb here, a secret assassination there. Frankly, we can’t understand why this terrorist is allowed to fly at all! Read more on ‘Swinging Single’ Dr. Henry Kissinger Reduced To Getting All His Action From TSA…
  hot dc media types?

Who Is Really The Hottest Media Type In D.C.?

Local media insider blog FishbowlDC for the past few weeks has been holding its annual “Hottest Media Types” competition and yesterday, after 512 nominations, intense voting, you name it, they announced the winners. And WOW, we knew the Washington press crowd wasn’t exactly a model shoot, but… seriously? Has it always been this bad? For what it’s worth, we think it’s a crime that a certain someone didn’t make the cut. He’s a known slut, and he happens to be the editor of FishbowlDC itself: Patrick Gavin, seen here mocking poor old Henry Kissinger in a Wonkette archive photo. Gavin is always drunk and unprofessional and we have more photographic proof of this that we’ve been using as blackmail for months. Well, he stopped paying us a week ago, so here goes. Read more on Who Is Really The Hottest Media Type In D.C.?…
 

Our Second Annual ‘Hopefully The Last White House Correspondents Post Ever’

It was quite the star-studded affair in Washington D.C. Saturday evening for the annual White House Correspondents Dinner, perhaps the District’s biggest social night of the year. This is the one where journalists and the politicos they cover congregate in an overt celebration of their inappropriate friendships — you know, the ones that caused the Iraq War. All of America can drink to that! Obviously the public-at-large wouldn’t care about a journalism party — they are not for the soft-at-heart, or people who have lives — if it weren’t for the WHCD’s other strange attraction, the liberal Hollywood Movie Star guests! Your Wonkette’s associate editor and videographer/Polaroidist Liz Glover donned our best church clothes Saturday to witness the proceedings, and all we got were strange memories and a wretched purple umbrella that says “Bloomberg.” The troubling story, below! Read more on Our Second Annual ‘Hopefully The Last White House Correspondents Post Ever’…
 

George W. Bush Is Featured 7-Diamond Whore At Exclusive Connecticut Fundraiser!

Attention spendy Republicans: for just $1000 you can hang out with President Bush at the Connecticut home of evil old war criminal Henry Kissinger next weekend. And for an extra $10,000, you can even get your picture taken with the proud alcoholic bunny-humper who currently runs our nation. Read more on George W. Bush Is Featured 7-Diamond Whore At Exclusive Connecticut Fundraiser!…
 

Partly Cloudy With Chance of Shame

This week, General Petraeus, James Carville, Wesley Clark, Donald Rumsfeld, Henry Kissinger, Sam Brownback, and Mary Cheney were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. Read more on Partly Cloudy With Chance of Shame…
 

They Have the Google on Computers Now

This week, Mia Farrow, Mike Arcuri, John Boehner, Byron Dorgan, Marc Racicot, Henry Kissinger, Peter Welch, Charlie Rose, Bill Frist, Don Cheadle, Kal Penn, and Adam Kokesh were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. Read more on They Have the Google on Computers Now…
 

Kissinger’s Forest Club Worships ’70s Bikini Poster

Each July, world leaders and captains of industry meet at a beautiful Redwoods-studded campground in Northern California to have fun, make new friends and perform solemn human-sacrifice rituals beneath a giant owl who speaks with Walter Cronkite’s voice. The 2,700-acre compound in question is known as Bohemian Grove, and it’s basically summer camp for war criminals. What’s this got to do with some 1970s’ UK model? Find out after the jump … if you dare. Read more on Kissinger’s Forest Club Worships ’70s Bikini Poster…
 

Hopefully the Last White House Correspondents’ Dinner Post

Julia Allison and Henry Kissinger, the two poles of Washington reprehensibility (even though they both actually live in New York — it’s a crazy night, folks). — Photo courtesy HuffPo Was the White House Correspondents’ Dinner the worst party we’ve ever gone to? No, probably not — we’ve gone to more than one Capitol File party, after all. But if we’d spent our Saturday night staying home, ordering a pizza, getting wasted, and watching Arrested Development episodes, would we have had a better time? Yes. And more material, probably. Read more on Hopefully the Last White House Correspondents’ Dinner Post…
 

Kissinger Tapes Reveal We Are Still Living In 1972

Imagine a White House full of scheming backstabbing power-mad global criminals — you know, but not right now. Earlier, like from 1969 to 1974. That’s when the hilarious duo of Henry Kissinger and his meathead drunken buddy Richard Nixon were president. Like our current crazy duo of Cheney & Dubya, “Jew Boy” and “Meatball Mind” broke hundreds of laws, murdered hundreds of thousands of people and basically tried their damnedest to destroy the United States of America. After the jump, read hilarious highlights from the just-released Kissinger tapes — turns out Kissinger was taping everybody’s phone calls, too! Read more on Kissinger Tapes Reveal We Are Still Living In 1972…
 

WALNUTS McCain Tutored by … Kissinger

Say you’re a demented old warmonger interested in literally destroying the United States and much of the rest of the world. Who do you call for that extra little bit of totally illegal and amoral crazy? That’s right, you call Henry Kissinger. Read more on WALNUTS McCain Tutored by … Kissinger…
 

Rumors On The Internets: The Answer Is Always ‘C’

* Chuck Hagel will announce his ’08 candidacy on Monday. Or he’ll do something else. Or he’ll do nothing. [Political Wire] * Iranian defense minister defects to U.S. with decades of knowledge of government-backed terror operations, secret hummus recipe. [Passport] * Scooter’s SCOTUS drinking buddies control whether he’ll have new soap-on-a-rope shower buddies. [Inside Court TV] * It takes more than just a flat head to get Jon Tester’s hair like that. [The Sleuth] * Air America knows you’re no one until you failed spectacularly, twice. [MoJo] * Pete Domenici’s new lawyer feels the same way. [TPM Muckraker] * They may not be real Mitt Romney supporters, but they play ‘em on the Internet. [techPresident] * Henry Kissinger uses panel discussions on global poverty to get ass. [Radar] * Monopolist talks competitiveness with communist congressmen — yay America! [The Swamp] Read more on Rumors On The Internets: The Answer Is Always ‘C’…
 

Henry Kissinger Sleep-lies Through Another Committee Hearing

Pictured: Henry Kissinger’s HotSoup.com profile. Online now! Henry Kissinger testified before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee yesterday, and by Dana Milbank’s account, it was a bravura performance. Kissinger managed to suggest that Bush had a secret plan to end the war, and then he convinced all the Senators that he agreed with everything they were saying. That lovable old (inaudible) is just as wily as ever and he’ll apparently be with us fucking everything up for another hundred years! Read more on Henry Kissinger Sleep-lies Through Another Committee Hearing…
 

Senior Administration Officials: Like Regular Liars but With Secret Identities!

Like everything else poisonous and wrong with America today, the curse of the “senior administration official” is all Henry Kissinger’s fault. This we learn from Mike Allen in today’s Politico, as he takes us on a magical journey through the world of journalistic euphemism. Read more on Senior Administration Officials: Like Regular Liars but With Secret Identities!…
 

Henry Kissinger Admits Iraq Occupation Is Just For Oil

In his new job as op-ed columnist for the Khaleej Times (?!), America’s greatest diplomat explains that while we utterly destroyed a country that was at least stable before 2003, there’s just too much damned oil to leave. Read more on Henry Kissinger Admits Iraq Occupation Is Just For Oil…
 

Daily Briefing: A Change is Gonna Come

* Former US President Gerald Ford is still dead. [WP, NYT] * Kissinger: Still evil, sycophantic sonuvabitch. [NYT] * The Democrats who now control congress argued among themselves briefly over whether they should let Republicans help draft legislation, then decided to bind and gag them instead. [WP] * Boy, we had this great strategy for winning the war in Iraq, and then all this chaos started going down, it sucked. But seriously, it was a great plan. You woulda loved it. [NYT] * Thousands of Iraqis are fleeing their country, we were gonna let 500 into the U.S. this year. [NYT] * 3,000 dead in Iraq, and most of America doesn’t know one of those 3,000. [WP] * The NRA has some crazy new pamphlet warning its members that the the new democrats will steal their guns, even though the new Democrats are pretty damn pro-gun. Also, someone forgot to credit Wonkette. [WP] * Jeb Bush’s official Florida Gubernatorial portrait features a bible and a Blackberry, Bush family will never, ever, ever go away. Also, he uses emoticons. [NYT] * Breaking: People aren’t very good at giving up bad habits. Doctors say, “change comes from the heart, not the head.” You should probably stop seeing any doctor who says that. [WP] * Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein is still dead. [USAT] Read more on Daily Briefing: A Change is Gonna Come…
 

Walnuts McCain Proves Maverick Credentials With New Hire

Hotline: Ex-Sec/State Henry Kissinger has agreed to become an honorary co-chair for Sen. John McCain’s presidential campaign in New York, McCain aides said. Hooray! Two of our favorite people working together! Nuke everyone in ’08! Read more on Walnuts McCain Proves Maverick Credentials With New Hire…
 

Kissinger, Pope Ratzi Form ‘Papal-Jewish Conspiracy’

The world’s scariest two people — Henry Kissinger and Pope Joseph Ratzinger — have reportedly formed an alliance that Iranian officials soberly described as a “papal-Jewish conspiracy.” Italy’s La Stampa broke the news Monday that the 84-year-old Kissinger has become a special diplomatic adviser to the 79-year-old pope. Hilariously, both were born in Bavaria: Kissinger as a Jew who had to flee the country or become a doomed slave laborer, and Ratzinger as a Nazi who kept Jewish slave laborers from escaping German factories. Read more on Kissinger, Pope Ratzi Form ‘Papal-Jewish Conspiracy’…
 

Breaking: Henry Kissinger Still Evil

New York mag has a lengthy profile of Henry Kissinger. What we learned: * Henry Kissinger is short, has a deep voice. * Henry Kissinger is a sycophant. * Henry Kissinger is very charming. * Henry Kissinger has lots of rich Manhattan liberal media friends. * Henry Kissinger is BFF with John “WALLNUTS!” McCain. * We miss Peter Jennings, if only for the occasional stories like this: Read more on Breaking: Henry Kissinger Still Evil…