Wonkette

“Nixon received a lot of goodwill because of Tricia’s wedding. I’ve said before that President Bush’s best chance to come out of his term well is if they capture Osama bin Laden and one of the twins gets married.” [IndyStar]

Will Jenna Bush’s shotgun wedding to dead-eyed former Rove staffer and Bush clan-approved groom Henry “Hank” Hager “the Horrible” take place at the White House? The New York Times pondered this incredibly important question yesterday, pointing out that the last time there was a White House wedding, 36 years ago, the father of the bride was a corrupt old bastard, the nation was in locked into an unwinnable war, and everyone involved eventually resigned in disgrace. Of course, that was still Dick’s first term, so it’s probably too late to hope for that sort of thing to happen again. MORE »

Tragically pregnant first twin Jenna Bush is being rushed into a marriage with former boyfriend and Karl Rove lackey Henry Hager, but it wasn’t always tears and maternity clothes for the ex-couple. Here they are at a baseball game, two-and-a-half years ago. Jenna’s got her Corona and Henry’s got the bland blank face of a tobacco executive’s son. MORE »

Stock markets shot back to 14,000 and the Iraqi resistance surrendered today on news that America’s Sweetheart, Jenna Bush, is marrying that guy she used to date before she split for South America. Henry Hager is the son of former Virginia lieutenant governor and state GOP chief and tobacco exec John H. Hager. Even better, young Henry worked directly for Karl Rove in the White House, so there’s a good chance Jenna’s new husband will be forced to testify at her dad’s war-crimes trial.

Bush’s daughter, Jenna, to be married [AP/Yahoo]

* Reliable Source: Henry Hager slips a note to Jenna Bush at Asia Nora. Her response: “I thought you were proposing! I nearly [soiled] my pants!” [WP]
* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Mary Bono (R-Calif.) contends her $165,200 salary isn’t enough to send her son to college. . . Rep. Bart Gordon (D-Tenn.) was the Fastest Member of Congress in the Capital Challenge 5K. . . Rep. Brad Sherman (D-Calif.) spotted at New Jersey Turnpike rest stop with “younger-looking woman.” [Roll Call]
* Page Six: Senior advisor to McCain joins forces with two former aides to Pataki. [NYP]
* Cindy Adams: Al Gore would rather teach than be president. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Maureen Dowd complains about weight gained on her book tour. [NYDN]

Saturday — tomorrow — the single most important night of the year. A chance to see, in the flesh, all your social betters gathered together in one convenient place for you to try to give them your business cards. Hobnob with the rich and famous (-for-DC). Meet washed-up has-beens invited to add an air of glamor to a room full of journalists and politicos. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Fitness instructor was “horrified” to find out that the Bush twins were in his spin class after he made jokes about the president and distributed a DVD of “Bushisms”. . . Tennessee House candidate Joe Ford Jr. uses MySpace instead of an official campaign site. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Drew Lachey and Steve Case are also attending the Correspondents’ Association Dinner. . . Euan Blair has a late, antic-filled night. . . Birthday party for WRC anchor Wendy Rieger is nearly ruined by the Cheneys and the Rumsfelds. [WP]
* Under the Dome: Reps. Grace Napolitano (D-Calif.) and Lynn Westmoreland (R-Ga.) are the only House members who did not sponsor a single bill during this session. . . Princeton students Lauren Bush, presidential niece, and Harrison Frist, son of the senator, helped to select Bill Clinton as commencement speaker. [The Hill]
* Inside the Beltway: Politicians announce their commencement speech plans. . . Sandra Day O’Connor: “I was disappointed to see the percentage of women on the court drop by 50 percent.” [WT]
* Rush & Molloy: Mick Jagger won’t give up his hotel suite in Vienna for Bush. . . Bill Clinton, in Las Vegas, “enjoying Grey Goose, sea bass and apple pie.” [NYDN]
* Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Laura Bush holds White House screening of “Akeelah and the Bee.” [NYDN]

We are impressed not so much with this man’s audacity as with his ability to give a “tirade” while leading a spin class. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Fitness instructor at the Sports Club/LA makes anti-Bush remarks during a class attended by Jenna Bush and Henry Hager, who later complained. . . Celebrities attending the Correspondents dinner: Tiki Barber, Maura Tierney, Ken Mehlman, Joe Wilson, Valerie Plame, Peter Pace, Michael Strahan, James Denton, Isaiah Washington, Naomi Judd, Morgan Fairchild, Ludacris, and Anna Kournikova. . . Gay & Lesbian Leadership Institute distributes “Coming Out Toolkit” to party officials and activists; Zogby poll finds that 74% of Americans “would ‘definitely’ or ‘probably’ continue to vote for an incumbent politician who shares their views if they later found out that person was gay or lesbian.” [Roll Call]
* Inside the Beltway: Founder of the National Defense Council Foundation warned Karl Rove in 2002 about the dire consequences of invading Iraq. [WT]
* Rush & Molloy: Sen. Kerry and Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg attend book party for Sen. Kennedy, but Clinton steals the attention. [NYDN]
* Page Six: Mickey Kaus accuses The New York Times of puffery for writing a “PR-perfect” story about Bill Clinton and Ron Burkle. [NYP]

* Inside the Beltway: White House pool report notes the “appropriate droppings” of the Easter Bunny. . . Rep. Rob Simmons (R-Conn.) receives a letter from PETA after choking on meat during a fundraiser. [WT]
* Rush & Molloy: Jenna Bush was spotted with boyfriend Henry Hager at the Clarendon Whole Foods on Easter Sunday. [NYDN]