Mexican-ish Lousiana Governor Bobby Jindal loves old Jesus so much. We know this. One time, in college, he more or less raped “saved” a lady from the terrible devil-goblins inhabiting her body, with Jesus’ Magic! Anyway, he’s been doing some other weird thing recently: “In May, June and July, there was rarely a Sunday when the governor didn’t board a taxpayer-funded helicopter to attend church services in far-flung parts of the state. He traveled by helicopter to churches less frequently in March and April.” He’s not just going to these places to steal from the collection plates, either: he’s… preaching? About Paris Hilton? According to an Internet video? Come again? Let’s just let a blockquote do the work here… MORE »

AND YOU THOUGHT WE WERE KIDDING ABOUT BELGIUM: No seriously they are a nation of treacherous villains, as evidenced by their “prison break problem.” Apparently dudes are constantly hijacking helicopters and using them to whisk criminals away from Belgian prisons, to the point where authorities have ordered “anti-helicopter wire netting” to put over prison yards. So the next time you get down on America, just remember that WE are not the people who have to put wire bonnets over our prisons to keep the criminals in. [GlobalPost]

Eric Cantor’s Boner wasn’t the only guest of honor at Barack Obama’s press conference today! John McCain was there too, and Barack Obama called on him to talk about the defense budget, leading to McCain’s bizarre swipe at the Presidential Helicopter he will never have: “…your helicopter is now going to cost as much as Air Force One. I don’t think that there’s any more graphic demonstration of how good ideas have — have cost taxpayers an enormous amount of money.” Then Obama says a number of likable things that make John McCain look both petty and subservient. [YouTube, The Plank]

John “Maverick” McCain is surely the Greatest American Hero, but it turns out that his death-defying escape from the Helicopter Terrorists of the former Soviet republic of Georgia didn’t actually happen. MORE »

Breaking: John McCain IN DANGER! Last week… sort of… according to the Georgian Interior Ministry, and The Sun… MORE »