* Heard on the Hill: Remember yesterday’s picture of Hoyer and Pelosi dancing in the dark? They were dancing to a Springsteen cover band, led by Dennis Moore, playing Buddy Holly’s “Oh Boy.” … Tiger Woods was here… Hill staffers not entering “Funniest Fed” contest, because they’re apparently more sensible than we thought. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Elizabeth Birch and Hilary Rosen broke up! Aww… Geraldine Ferraro very popular with the Women’s Caucus. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Mark Russell has canceled his annual St. Patrick’s Day party. We’ve written an amusing song about it, but there’s sadly not time to play it now… Tony Snow forced an audience of federal employees to do the wave… Stephen Breyer speaks French. There are absolutely no jokes that could possibly be made about that. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Helen Thomas might get her seat back! When the next President takes over. Except the President doesn’t actually assign those seats, so you know… Ellen Tauscher’s district has renamed the Easter Bunny the “Spring Bunny.” Anything goes in California. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Everyone’s corrupt and making YouTube videos about it… The “Secular Coalition for America” is “outing” an atheist member of congress, or something. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: LBJ: finally getting a building! [WP]
* Rush & Molloy: Peter King, who co-chaired McCain’s 2000 New York campaign, is now with Rudy. [NYDN]

* Heard on the Hill: Pelosi to do Leno… Politicians sending fund raiser invites disguised as Valentines… Phil Gingrey shaved his mustache because he’s going gray. []
* Reliable Source: Teri Hatcher and George H. W. Bush have developed a bizarre and unhealthy relationship. Baking cookies! Riding Segways! It’s all very sad. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Y&N call up a couple of Joe Biden’s imaginary friends in Long Island. They claim never to have heard of the man… Chris Heinz, John Kerry’s step-son, went to two strip clubs during his bachelor party last week… Mary Bono: Bad at predicting the Grammys. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Dana Rohrbacher blamed global warming on “dinosaur flatulence.” [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Might Helen Thomas have to sit in the back at White House briefings? … Jack Quinn and Ed Gillespie are partners, but not partner partners. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: David Sirota, denied a Capitol press pass, becomes a Bernie Sanders “intern.” [WP]

Travesties abound this week as Helen Thomas waits in the cold while waves of taxis pass her by, Clarence Thomas struggles to afford a $15 hamburger, and people still listen to anything Dick Gephardt has to say. All this sadness plus a sighting with a really fishy smell and a touch of Alanis-style irony, after you finish your Zoloft.

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* Helen Thomas (Watchdogs of Democracy?: The Waning Washington Press Corps and How It Has Failed the Public) and Maggie Kilgore (Remember to Laugh: Writing My Way Around the World) appear to be on a traveling book tour together. They’ll talk about their books at Busboys and Poets. Free from 6:30- 8PM. [Busboys and Poets]
* “Brain scientist Nancy Andreasen examines the sources of extraordinary creativity. She proposes that, because of enriched connections between certain areas of the brain, geniuses are able to tap into the unconscious mind in ways most of us can’t.” Clinton gave her a brain science medal in 2000. $25 at 6:30PM. [Smithsonian]
* LUCERO, Drag the River Trio and Rocky Votolato at the Ottobar in Baltimore. $12 at 10PM. [MissionTix]

• Bill Moyers and his son William Cope Moyers want to talk to you about something serious tonight: crack. It happens to wealthy white people, too. It happened to them. Fortunately, there is a book to help us understand how the child of a mildly influential journalist came to use a whole lotta drugs. Broken: My Story of Addiction and Redemption by William “Cope” Moyers reminds us that you are never too old to ride pop’s coattails. Smithsonian. $25 at 7PM. [Smithsonian]
• Helen Thomas signs The Watchdogs of Democracy? The Waning Washington Press Corps and How It Has Failed the Public. 6:30PM at the American News Women’s Club. $25 includes dinner buffet. [American News Women's Club]
• Yo La Tengo w/ why? at the 9:30 Club. $20 at 8:45PM. [9:30 Club]

Intern Nick is on vacation this week (along with the rest of DC), so your dedicated editors had to compile this edition of Washington’s favorite unverified stalking guide all by themselves. Pity us, and learn where Helen Thomas eats, and the places Robert Novak has been known to walk by. Also: did you know that C-Span anchors are celebrities? Brian Lamb sure didn’t! That was the week that was, after the jump.

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Politics is 99% image, the other half is kissing babies. Jim Ramstad knows that and his top-down-screaming-out, “money ain’t a thing” lifestyle is letting you know he’s skipping the 8th step — no apologies. Michael Hayden isn’t apologizing either, he likes the European futbol and doesn’t give a damn if it’s the 4th of July. Mike Piazza’s not running for anything but he knows the voters love the Magnum P.I. style, and Bill Bennett’s not running either, but he probably should start, for his health.

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* “OMG! Helen Thomas, I love you so much! You have to tell me — what’s it like to work with Stephen Colbert?” [Monstrosity] MORE »

Spotted this week were some damn fine Americans, with a whole lot of shiny metal at home on their mantels. Mia Hamm has her World Cup trophies, Anderson Cooper has his Emmy, Michael Hayden has all that weird military stuff on his shirt, and Jimmy Carter has that thing they call a Nobel. Not everyone can be number one, though, so just enjoy what you can — like Donald Rumsfeld and his juicy steaks, or Antonin Scalia and his fancy car. Feed your need for life envy; there are lots more people richer than you. Check out the sightings, after the jump.

Oh, and intern season is here! It sure is great that just as soon as the laminate dries on their cute little “109th Congress Intern” badges, they’re off and sending us tips. Act like an intern and send in your own via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, and the name of the fancy pants you spotted. We won’t pay you anything, just like real interns!

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• Reliable Source: Tony Snow takes Helen Thomas’s apple. [WP]

• Heard on the Hill: Star of “My Super Sweet 16″ now interns with Sen. Harry Reid. . . Sen. Paul Sarbanes (D-Md.) gets manicures. [Roll Call]
• Rush & Molloy: Laura Bush spotted on a Delta shuttle. [NYDN]
• Page Six: Euan Blair gets full scholarship to Yale. . . Bill and Chelsea Clinton receive standing ovations while attending the show “Jersey Boys”. . . A Fran Drescher political campaign? [NYP]

We like the Raw Story crew, and we link to their stuff often. But today we must quibble with their editorial judgment. MORE »