Tag Archives: heartland institute

  Almost as popular as Donald Trump

Conservatives Hate New Pope Now, For Being Dumb Commie Tree-Hugger

Is he even Catholic?
They really don’t make popes like they used to. You know, the kind who may have sorta kinda been in the Hitler Youth — but reluctantly! And then kinda sorta tried to cover up all that unpleasantness about Catholic priests raping all the children, and bishops keeping it on the down low, when he was a lowly cardinal. And then, as Lord God King Pope of the Universe, gone around talking about how God made girls like this, and God made boys like that, and homos and feminists are fucking it all up, goddamnit, plus those uppity radical feminist nuns, boy, they’re a real problem. Read more on Conservatives Hate New Pope Now, For Being Dumb Commie Tree-Hugger…
  Are Side Bets Allowed?

Science Nerds To Climate Deniers: Wanna Bet ‘Climate Change’ Isn’t Real? For Real, Wanna Bet?

And Hitler believed in germs!
We’re pretty sure this counts as Nice Time, or something close to it: The Committee for Skeptical Inquiry (CSI), the pro-science group that challenges pseudoscience and paranormal claims, has challenged the climate-change deniers at the Heartland Institute, which loves telling the world that climate change is all just a big hoax and that there’s been no global warming since 1998, to put up or shut up. The terms of the challenge are pretty simple. If the Heartland Institute is so certain that there’s no global warming, then surely it would be willing to stake $25,000 on an easily provable question: Read more on Science Nerds To Climate Deniers: Wanna Bet ‘Climate Change’ Isn’t Real? For Real, Wanna Bet?…
  This won't work unless it does then HURRAY!

Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real

Whatever, he should just move to Hawaii
If you are an 86-year-old wingnut, next time you switch back to the Weather Channel from “Wheel Of Fortune,” you might be in for a surprise. There might be a terrible and bad Smartie Pants person talking at you about how “climate change is real” and “no seriously, it is real, you moron.” Even worse, it might be a Republican. Why is the Weather Channel doing tyranny and betrayal to you, when you’re just trying to find out the current forecast for as many cities as you possibly can before you fall asleep in your chair? Read more on Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real…
  Do You Want to Build A Snow Job?

Sen. Jim Inhofe Tells Pope To Leave Climate Change To Scientists At Big Oil

Using this picture because NEVER FORGET LOL
Sometimes Yr Wonkette thinks it might be “fun” to actually be located in Our Nation’s Capital, rather than in the wilds of Boise, Idaho, if only because it would then be possible to attend fun events like the Heartland Institute’s “climate conference” being held this week in DC, where Sen. James “If Global Warming Is Real Why Is There Snow?” Inhofe told Pope Francis to keep his mind on poping and to leave climate science to idiots on the payroll of Big Oil. Read more on Sen. Jim Inhofe Tells Pope To Leave Climate Change To Scientists At Big Oil…
  Kochsplaining

Koch Brothers Explain Bible To Pope. Thanks, Koch Brothers!

Is he even Catholic?
While most of the world is trying to figure out what to do about this whole climate change thing before it’s too late and we are all OOPS! dead, the concerned citizens at the completely objective Heartland Institute, which happens to be funded by the also very objective Koch brothers, are looking out for more important things, like teaching Pope Francis that God loves pollution: Read more on Koch Brothers Explain Bible To Pope. Thanks, Koch Brothers!…
  Have A Koch And A Smile

Koch Brothers: Sorry, 1st Amendment Won’t Let Us Divulge How We’re Buying Climate-Change Deniers

We built this!
The recent revelation that Wei-Hock Soon, one of the top “respectable” climate change deniers out there, gets most of his funding from the coal and oil industry has led Congressional Democrats to attempt to Follow The Money in the climate denial business. Well! Charles and David Koch will have you climate busybodies know that it is none of your damn business how they spend their money, which is a form of speech, and you should be ashamed of yourselves for even asking. Read more on Koch Brothers: Sorry, 1st Amendment Won’t Let Us Divulge How We’re Buying Climate-Change Deniers…
  Climate Of Distrust

Texas Texbooks Gonna Jesus Away All The Global Warming

Actual image from a fundie website
We told you a while back about some of the fun distortions of American history that have made it into textbooks written to Texas’s terrible history standards, but history isn’t the only subject that goes off into rightwing fantasyland in Texas textbooks. The Washington Post brings us this review by Josh Rosenau, from the National Center for Science Education, who looks at how some of the books submitted for the Texas Board of Education’s approval cover climate change. You may be astonished to learn that they aren’t always the most accurate, science-wise! (Which is to say if you’re actually astonished, you know nothing about Texas, or politics.) Read more on Texas Texbooks Gonna Jesus Away All The Global Warming…
  a truly heroic imagination

Dana Rohrabacher Will Protect America From The Tyranny Of Fluoride

Have you read yr Wonkette’s treasure trove of Dana Rohrabacher posts? Now is an excellent time to refresh your memory regarding Orange County’s — nay, California’s — greatest Congresscritter. Rohrabacher is a veritable Renaissance Man of dumb. He’s a climate change denier, a Benghazi truther, a True and Loyal Friend to the Taliban, and, perhaps weirdest of all, a filth monster. So it’s no wonder that he’s a featured speaker at the Heartland Institute’s Conference For People Who Don’t Believe In Science Global Warming Thingy (which you can stream live, you lucky devil you). Rohrabacher opened the conference last night and decided to kick it old school and deliver a diatribe against water fluoridation, because apparently it is the 1950s in Dana Rohrabacher’s brain. Read more on Dana Rohrabacher Will Protect America From The Tyranny Of Fluoride…
  all better now

As If Denying Climate Change Wasn’t Bad Enough, Heartland Institute Has Now Sinned Against George Carlin

We love us some George Carlin. We can think of no higher occupation than Foole. We even love his later ranty years, those concerts where he was so thoroughly disgusted by the Damned Human Race and our institutions that it took a conscious act of will for him to go out on stage and not just howl for an hour. Which, OK, he certainly did, only he at least included some nouns and verbs. We’d like to think Carlin would have gotten a certain grim satisfaction from seeing one of his own rants remixed and brutalized by corporate pimps, because he could at least point to it and say This is exactly what I was telling you fuckers about. Read more on As If Denying Climate Change Wasn’t Bad Enough, Heartland Institute Has Now Sinned Against George Carlin…
  pump it up when you don't really need it

America Is Running Out Of Money Because Grandpa Can’t Get It Up

America is broke, people. Flat-busted broke. We’re cutting school lunches, because everyone knows kids don’t need lunches to grow — they just photosynthesize or something. We’re kicking people off the unemployment rolls because everyone knows that makes you magically get a job where there were no jobs before, taker. Now it is time for us to tackle the third rail of American politics. No, not Social Security. We’re talking about something much more critical, more near and dear to America’s crotch: bloated engorged pricing on Medicare-covered penis pumps. Finally, a story custom-designed to let us simply find dick jokes instead of reaching for them! Penis pumps cost the U.S. government’s Medicare program $172 million between 2006 and 2011, about twice as much as the consumer would have paid at the retail level, according to a government watchdog’s report released on Monday. Read more on America Is Running Out Of Money Because Grandpa Can’t Get It Up…
  not 'endangered' so much as 'differently thriving'

Weather Channel Founder Says Polar Bears Doing Great Because Eskimos Stopped Being Savages

In a chat with paid climate change deniers on the San Diego TV station where he now works as a weatherman, Weather Channel founder John Coleman insisted that, contrary to mere evidence, polar bear populations are increasing because “the Eskimos no longer kill the polar bears for the meat and furs in order to stay alive, it’s — we have now become more civilized in our Eskimo populations around the poles.” “Poles” may have been a verbal slip, or maybe he actually thinks polar bears live at both poles. It is not known at press time whether he illustrated his point with a cartoon of an Eskimo and a geographically impossible penguin shaking hands outside an igloo while a polar bear drank a refreshing bottle of Coca-Cola. Read more on Weather Channel Founder Says Polar Bears Doing Great Because Eskimos Stopped Being Savages…
  dumb pictures

Check Out These Lovely New Heartland Institute Murder Billboards

Well look what the end product of tens of millions in donations from rich libertarian energy tycoons and their corporations is at the Heartland Institute: A hilarious series of billboards out on the Interstate saying “Derp derp the Unabomber believed in global warming, derp, splat, are you the Unabomber?” They come in a variety of other mass murderer/dictator flavors, too, because the Heartland Institute is a very serious public policy organization. Read more on Check Out These Lovely New Heartland Institute Murder Billboards…