Tag Archives: heartland institute

  Have A Koch And A Smile

Koch Brothers: Sorry, 1st Amendment Won’t Let Us Divulge How We’re Buying Climate-Change Deniers

We built this!
The recent revelation that Wei-Hock Soon, one of the top “respectable” climate change deniers out there, gets most of his funding from the coal and oil industry has led Congressional Democrats to attempt to Follow The Money in the climate denial business. Well! Charles and David Koch will have you climate busybodies know that it is none of your damn business how they spend their money, which is a form of speech, and you should be ashamed of yourselves for even asking. Read more on Koch Brothers: Sorry, 1st Amendment Won’t Let Us Divulge How We’re Buying Climate-Change Deniers…
  Climate Of Distrust

Texas Texbooks Gonna Jesus Away All The Global Warming

Actual image from a fundie website
We told you a while back about some of the fun distortions of American history that have made it into textbooks written to Texas’s terrible history standards, but history isn’t the only subject that goes off into rightwing fantasyland in Texas textbooks. The Washington Post brings us this review by Josh Rosenau, from the National Center for Science Education, who looks at how some of the books submitted for the Texas Board of Education’s approval cover climate change. You may be astonished to learn that they aren’t always the most accurate, science-wise! (Which is to say if you’re actually astonished, you know nothing about Texas, or politics.) Read more on Texas Texbooks Gonna Jesus Away All The Global Warming…
  a truly heroic imagination

Dana Rohrabacher Will Protect America From The Tyranny Of Fluoride

Have you read yr Wonkette’s treasure trove of Dana Rohrabacher posts? Now is an excellent time to refresh your memory regarding Orange County’s — nay, California’s — greatest Congresscritter. Rohrabacher is a veritable Renaissance Man of dumb. He’s a climate change denier, a Benghazi truther, a True and Loyal Friend to the Taliban, and, perhaps weirdest of all, a filth monster. So it’s no wonder that he’s a featured speaker at the Heartland Institute’s Conference For People Who Don’t Believe In Science Global Warming Thingy (which you can stream live, you lucky devil you). Rohrabacher opened the conference last night and decided to kick it old school and deliver a diatribe against water fluoridation, because apparently it is the 1950s in Dana Rohrabacher’s brain. Read more on Dana Rohrabacher Will Protect America From The Tyranny Of Fluoride…
  all better now

As If Denying Climate Change Wasn’t Bad Enough, Heartland Institute Has Now Sinned Against George Carlin

We love us some George Carlin. We can think of no higher occupation than Foole. We even love his later ranty years, those concerts where he was so thoroughly disgusted by the Damned Human Race and our institutions that it took a conscious act of will for him to go out on stage and not just howl for an hour. Which, OK, he certainly did, only he at least included some nouns and verbs. We’d like to think Carlin would have gotten a certain grim satisfaction from seeing one of his own rants remixed and brutalized by corporate pimps, because he could at least point to it and say This is exactly what I was telling you fuckers about. Read more on As If Denying Climate Change Wasn’t Bad Enough, Heartland Institute Has Now Sinned Against George Carlin…
  pump it up when you don't really need it

America Is Running Out Of Money Because Grandpa Can’t Get It Up

America is broke, people. Flat-busted broke. We’re cutting school lunches, because everyone knows kids don’t need lunches to grow — they just photosynthesize or something. We’re kicking people off the unemployment rolls because everyone knows that makes you magically get a job where there were no jobs before, taker. Now it is time for us to tackle the third rail of American politics. No, not Social Security. We’re talking about something much more critical, more near and dear to America’s crotch: bloated engorged pricing on Medicare-covered penis pumps. Finally, a story custom-designed to let us simply find dick jokes instead of reaching for them! Penis pumps cost the U.S. government’s Medicare program $172 million between 2006 and 2011, about twice as much as the consumer would have paid at the retail level, according to a government watchdog’s report released on Monday. Read more on America Is Running Out Of Money Because Grandpa Can’t Get It Up…
  not 'endangered' so much as 'differently thriving'

Weather Channel Founder Says Polar Bears Doing Great Because Eskimos Stopped Being Savages

In a chat with paid climate change deniers on the San Diego TV station where he now works as a weatherman, Weather Channel founder John Coleman insisted that, contrary to mere evidence, polar bear populations are increasing because “the Eskimos no longer kill the polar bears for the meat and furs in order to stay alive, it’s — we have now become more civilized in our Eskimo populations around the poles.” “Poles” may have been a verbal slip, or maybe he actually thinks polar bears live at both poles. It is not known at press time whether he illustrated his point with a cartoon of an Eskimo and a geographically impossible penguin shaking hands outside an igloo while a polar bear drank a refreshing bottle of Coca-Cola. Read more on Weather Channel Founder Says Polar Bears Doing Great Because Eskimos Stopped Being Savages…
  dumb pictures

Check Out These Lovely New Heartland Institute Murder Billboards

Well look what the end product of tens of millions in donations from rich libertarian energy tycoons and their corporations is at the Heartland Institute: A hilarious series of billboards out on the Interstate saying “Derp derp the Unabomber believed in global warming, derp, splat, are you the Unabomber?” They come in a variety of other mass murderer/dictator flavors, too, because the Heartland Institute is a very serious public policy organization. Read more on Check Out These Lovely New Heartland Institute Murder Billboards…