Tag Archives: hearings

  No Requests For 'Coal Miner's Daughter'So Far

Loretta Lynch Won’t Impeach Obama, Obviously Not Suitable Attorney General

Still claims not to be Eric Holder, reportedly has not yet died of old age
Wednesday was the first day of Loretta Lynch’s confirmation hearings before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and so far, it looks like Republicans may consider her too “nominated by Barack Obama” to be confirmed as attorney general. In a fairly basic bit of identity clarification, Ms. Lynch claimed, in response to a question from Texas Sen. John Cornyn, that she is in fact a wholly different human being than the current attorney general: Read more on Loretta Lynch Won’t Impeach Obama, Obviously Not Suitable Attorney General…
  Now What Is This A Distraction From Again?

House Benghazi Committee To Investigate House Benghazi Committee

We're just kidding. Nobody's sitting calmly and playing cards in this one.
In a development that absolutely no one could have predicted if they were a blind cave fish happily feeding on isopods in a subterranean lake, it appears that there are Deep Partisan Rifts on the House Select Committee on Benghazi, which is definitely going to get to the true truth about the 2012 attack, unlike the previous seven congressional investigations that found no actual wrongdoing. Democrats on the committee complain that they are being shut out of interviews with witnesses, in several cases only finding out that Republicans had interviewed those witnesses from press reports. And committee chair Trey Gowdy has so far refused even to agree to rules for how the committee will operate. Read more on House Benghazi Committee To Investigate House Benghazi Committee…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Literally Disembowels Secret Service, Feeds It To Unused Guard Dogs (Video)

Jon Stewart is just as flummoxed by the Secret Service’s recent string of screw-ups as anyone else, and the details of the Omar Gonzales’s fence-jumping and unguided White House tour just left him all the more astonished. The Secret Service didn’t release dogs, for instance, because they were worried the dogs might attack agents. Read more on Jon Stewart Literally Disembowels Secret Service, Feeds It To Unused Guard Dogs (Video)…
  In The Line Of Ire

It’s Cool, Secret Service Just Let President Ride Elevator With Twitchy Felon With Gun, No Big

These new advisors will definitely tighten things up
Say, have you noticed that the Secret Service really seems to suck lately? This is what we hear, at least, what with the letting a guy jump the fence and then take a self-guided tour of the White House, the news that their forensics skills were outclassed by the housekeeping staff, and now this latest jaw-dropper, the news that President Obama rode in an elevator with a guy who had several convictions for assault and battery, and also, oh yes, a gun that Secret Service agents didn’t know about. While Obama visited the CDC in Atlanta last month, a private security guy hopped on an elevator along with the President and his Secret Service detail: Read more on It’s Cool, Secret Service Just Let President Ride Elevator With Twitchy Felon With Gun, No Big…
  you only libya twice

Dems Chosen For Benghazi Committee May Make The Clown Show Worth Watching After All

OK, well now we’re actually kind of interested in maybe watching the Big BenghaziPalooza Screamathon that the House Republicans are planning for sometime, dog knows when; no schedule’s been decided yet. Turns out that, despite some calls for Democrats to boycott the kangaroo steeplechase altogether, Nancy Pelosi has gone and appointed 5 Democrats to the panel. And these are not likely to be members who will sit back and let the GOP get away with a lot of nonsense, at least. Looks like we’ll have to fire up the TiVo! Read more on Dems Chosen For Benghazi Committee May Make The Clown Show Worth Watching After All…
  unprecedented rudeness? how would you tell?

Attorney General Eric Holder Continues War Of Wits With Unarmed Louie Gohmert

Just a day after Louie Gohmert’s passive-aggressive snottiness toward him in a House hearing, Attorney General Eric Holder subtweeted the Texas Republican in a speech Holder gave to the National Action Network. On Tuesday, Gohmert had suggested that Holder was not taking a 2012 House vote to hold him in contempt seriously enough, a comment that led Holder to bristle and fire back at Gohmert, “You don’t want to go there, buddy.” So yesterday, Holder continued to cast aspersions on Gohmert and his asparagus, although not by name, because Eric Holder is a gentleman. A gentleman with a very sharply pointed walking stick and maybe a lead-filled sap in his pocket, but definitely a gentleman. Read more on Attorney General Eric Holder Continues War Of Wits With Unarmed Louie Gohmert…
  why won't the witness stop hitting himself?

Darrell Issa Takes Fake Obamacare Hearings On The Road, The Better To Exclude People Who Love Their New Insurance

We bet this will come as a huge surprise: In his traveling road show of “hearings” on the ACA rollout, Darrell Issa has hand-picked the people testifying, and has excluded people who want to speak in favor of the Affordable Care Act. In Gaston County, North Carolina, two women who requested to speak at the hearings told a local TV station that that they had written to Issa, saying they wanted to testify, but neither received a reply from his office. One of them, Dana Wilson of Charlotte, has Multiple Sclerosis and until the ACA had been unable to get any insurance at all. And while we can only tolerate Ed Schultz in very small doses, we really have to agree with him on this: “I’d like to see Issa tell this lady right here with MS that she is going to be denied coverage because of a pre-existing condition,” Schultz said, pointing at a shot of Wilson. “That’s what he wants. He’s protecting the corporations. Darrell Issa should be ashamed of himself for his one-sided political pandering.” Hahaha, Darrell Issa does not talk to people like her. Why would he? Read more on Darrell Issa Takes Fake Obamacare Hearings On The Road, The Better To Exclude People Who Love Their New Insurance…
  Trust No One

Former Members Of Congress Seek Evidence of Alien Life, Their Own Continued Relevance

Six former members of Congress, two of whom you may actually have heard of if you don’t live in their state, are holding 30 hours of pretend “hearings” at the National Press Club this week on the important topic of what the U.S. Government really knows about the existence of extraterrestrials, according to a mostly straight-faced story at Tucker Carlson’s Internet Cat Litter Depository. The bipartisan collection of former pols, which includes Mike Gravel (D-Rock In Lake) and Roscoe Bartlett (R-Student Loan Holocaust), are completely serious, you guys, because they totally have a website and everything! Needless to say, the Huffington Post has been Live-Blogging the Shit out of this farce. Important revelations are anticipated; most significantly, we expect to learn that several of the panelists have books about UFOs in the works. Read more on Former Members Of Congress Seek Evidence of Alien Life, Their Own Continued Relevance…
  newtown. we are talking about newtown.

We Feel Like Rand Paul May Be Forgetting A ‘Worst Tragedy Since 9/11′

Hey Rand Paul, whatcha doing? Just yelling at Hillary Clinton about how you totally would have fired her for lying down on the job during “the worst tragedy since 9/11″? That sounds fun. But we feel like maybe you have forgotten a bigger worst tragedy since 9/11? We wonder what it could be. Read more on We Feel Like Rand Paul May Be Forgetting A ‘Worst Tragedy Since 9/11′…
  gay

Louis Gohmert Travels Alllll Around The World To Hug Muslims, He Does

Now we wouldn’t want to let Michele Bachmann’s various House conspirators get off the hook for this “Muslim terrorists infiltrating the government because they are Muslim” summer-of-a-reelection-year stunt, would we? Here’s the dumbest person in the Western Hemisphere, Rep. Louis Gohmert, berating Jan “BIG SIS” Napolitano today about why she let a Muslim terrorist in her employ download secret terrorism documents from The System and then give them to his terrorist friends. Yes, indeed, why would Secretary Napolitano do that? Gohmert assures her that he’s not just scanning the database of government employees for Arabic names and then accusing each of them of offering material support for terrorists because… you know… look at ’em… No, Louis Gohmert loves Muslims so much that he travels around the world to hug them. Sorry, there’s no way this guy has a passport. Read more on Louis Gohmert Travels Alllll Around The World To Hug Muslims, He Does…
  the point is that girls have cooties

GOP Goes With ‘Pompous Sausagefest’ Theme For Contraception Hearing

Here’s a fun game! Look at the above photo of the panel invited to testify at serial car thief Darrell Issa’s House Oversight and Government Reform hearing this morning on “religious liberty” and “freedom of conscience,” with regards to the ongoing contraception and women’s health donnybrook. Do you notice something… missing… at this tiresome preachfest about the evils of third-party payment options for ladies’ birth control pills? That’s right, there is not one Vagina-American sitting on this panel, just five deeply conservative religious men.* Two female Democrats walked out of the hearing, as did one male Democrat (such a sweetie!) Read more on GOP Goes With ‘Pompous Sausagefest’ Theme For Contraception Hearing…
  pretty plots

Peter King ‘Reveals’ Foreign Terrorists Are Trying To Assassinate Him

Rep. Peter King (R-Xenophobia) is finally starting up his very special hearings today, in which he calls before his committee a bunch of Muslims so King, an IRA terrorist, can be filmed telling them their religion is pure murder. But that’s not all! To sweeten the spectacle, King “revealed” to Politico that he has been under “police protection” for months “because of an overseas threat against him.” And Politico is like, “Cool! We’ll print that word for word! Want us to stick any other obvious lies in there?” And Peter King was like, “Yes. Write that the Muslims have increased my penis size a full four inches and now people pay attention to me.” Read more on Peter King ‘Reveals’ Foreign Terrorists Are Trying To Assassinate Him…
  taking steroids kid?

Fetus To Take Oath, Testify Before Ohio Legislature

So this is totally normal, sane thing to do: “A fetus has been scheduled as a legislative witness in Ohio on a unique bill that proposes outlawing abortions after the first heartbeat can be medically detected.” When the fetus refuses to answer the committee’s questions, will it be held in contempt and arrested? What exactly happens when we start charging fetuses with crimes? It’s probably illegal to arrest the mother too, right? So we’re going to have to forcibly remove that fetus from that woman if it refuses to come out with its (non-existent) hands up. And we’ll lock it up in jail overnight so it learns its—whoops. Read more on Fetus To Take Oath, Testify Before Ohio Legislature…
  people who say 'scotus' are lamers

Kagan Fever: It’s Time To Pretend To Catch It

The Elena Kagan confirmation hearings have almost officially opened! Nothing but dead Robert Byrd and fearsome hurricanes on the cable news at the moment, with C-SPAN showing some Finance Committee hearing from last week and a 2005 tribute to Robert Byrd. But you can apparently click the CSPAN ad appearing here on Wonkette to see “Web Video” of the hearings, once there’s something to watch. We have never been more excited about anything, is the point. But what if it all goes crazy? Read more on Kagan Fever: It’s Time To Pretend To Catch It…
  heroic custodians of global wealth

Here Is Your Consensus ‘Good YouTube Clip’ From The Goldman Hearing

Have you been watching the important Goldman Sachs hearing in John McCain’s Senate all day? Oh shutup, you clearly do not have a job. Here’s the “most bloggable” clip thus far, of Carl Levin, who is old and great, maybe. Read more on Here Is Your Consensus ‘Good YouTube Clip’ From The Goldman Hearing…