Tag Archives: healthcare

  nice time!

Pro-Life Colorado Republicans Angry That Teen Abortion Rate Declining

They work!
Who would have guessed that the “pro-life” sex education plan, which is essentially “do not have sex ever, you whore,” doesn’t work? Everyone would have guessed that! But Colorado has a lesson to teach America about what DOES work, and it is free birth control for everyone, so that ladies can do sex without worrying about unplanned pregnancies. We’re not sure the religious right will like this news, because it also means that ladies can do sex without asking their permission: Read more on Pro-Life Colorado Republicans Angry That Teen Abortion Rate Declining…
  America saw him first

Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best

And that's how America was made!
Here is some interesting news, as we U.S. Americans begin our annual weekend of getting real drunk and shooting off fireworks, due to something we read in a history book about America but can’t quite remember. (Muskets were involved.) Did you know that, according to 53% of Americans, our country has a “special relationship” with God? Take THAT, 195 other countries in the world, you all are just acquaintances with God, whereas He is taking US to the prom, and is going to ask us to gay marry Him any day now, WE JUST KNOW IT: Read more on Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best…
  never give up never surrender

GOP Rep. To Supreme Court: If You Like Obamacare So Much, Why Don’t You Gay Marry It?

Rep. Brian Babin (R-Crybaby)
After the Supreme Court saved Obamacare, AGAIN, most Republicans were more or less content to stomp their feet, shake their tiny fists of fury, repeat their five-year-old warnings that expanded healthcare access will destroy America (any day now, you’ll see!), and have themselves a good cry. And we drank of their tears, and enjoyed them ever so. Read more on GOP Rep. To Supreme Court: If You Like Obamacare So Much, Why Don’t You Gay Marry It?…
  Victory lap!

President Obama: I Will Never Stop Cramming Obamacare Down America’s Throat

Sexy stoic president will give you tender-loving Obamacare.
Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled, YET AGAIN, that Obamacare is just fine and dandy and great, even if Congress did a really bad job of making all their subjects and verbs agree when they wrote the damn thing. So can we please stop talking about this now? One person who does not want to stop talking about it is President Obama, who decided to ride around the White House lawn on his victory steed, alternately shouting things like “Suck it so hard, haters!” and “I am the best at Presidenting!” and “Look, Michelle, no hands!” Read more on President Obama: I Will Never Stop Cramming Obamacare Down America’s Throat…
  Also pro-lifey

Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts

It'll just screw you harder
Now that the “pro-life” Republicans of Texas have saved women from access to abortion, for their own safety, by shutting down almost all of the state’s clinics, they’re ready to solve the next problem: too much access to cancer screenings. Read more on Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts…
  At least until he's "elected president" LOL

Rick Perry Wants To Free Americans From Tyranny Of Obamacare By Letting Them Keep Obamacare

Spit it out to make room for your foot, Rick Perry, or a dildo, whatever.
Former Texas governor and current “presidential candidate” Rick Perry is talking out of both sides of his butthole (each side featuring perfectly coiffed hair) when it comes to Obamacare. He’s agin’ it, of course, and it needs to be repealed. But he also doesn’t want people to lose their health insurance, if the Supreme Court rules, in King v. Burwell, that because of six little words and a technicality, the subsidies provided by the Affordable Care Act, which provide millions with health insurance, are unconstitutional. Wonder why he doesn’t want folks to lose their insurance, HUH. Maybe because if millions of people suddenly lose their coverage, they’ll blame it on Republicans, and people like Perry will REALLY never be president. Read more on Rick Perry Wants To Free Americans From Tyranny Of Obamacare By Letting Them Keep Obamacare…
  Teabagger Nice Time

Even This Cuddly Teabagger Dude Might Vote For Hillary, So He Can Keep His Beloved Obamacare

Obamacare yay, gay sprinkles in mah coffee BOO.
Tyrant Obama sure did set a mighty fine trap for the Republican Party, with their constant efforts to repeal Obamacare! With the full benefits of the Affordable Care Act starting to come to fruition in 2014, and even more this year, people around the country — even those who don tri-cornered hats and hold Gadsden Flags at Koch Bros.-funded tea party rallies — are starting to realize, well, goddamn, look at my general healthcare situation getting better! Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers learned this the hard way when her FaceSpace call for “Obamacare horror stories” was met with a whole lot of “my healthcare is cheaper!” and “my grandmother didn’t die!” and “these are my slut pills now!” Read more on Even This Cuddly Teabagger Dude Might Vote For Hillary, So He Can Keep His Beloved Obamacare…
  make yourself a nice bloody mary and sit with us

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!

Hola, Wonkerados! How is your Easter Sunday going? Ours is very nice! Won’t you sit and have some internet brunch with us, so we can reminisce about all the lovely things that happened during the week? It wasn’t all Indiana and gays and religious freedom! (Er, actually a lot of it was, but other things also happened, according to our admittedly hazy memory.) Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!…
  Damn all those liberals who got paid to comment on the Congresslady's status

Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers Declares Victory Over Obamacare Fans, Goes Home

McMorris Rodgers' original graph, which proves that all Obamacares lead down a jagged path to cupcakes.
Last week, Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-Washington) decided it might be a neat idea to stop playing Farmville for a second and update her FacePlace status, with that dumb looking graph above, just asking hey, everyone, how did Obamacare ruin your life and kill your grandmother? Of course, those stories are hard to come by, except for in Republican fever dreams that probably also include buttsechs. To everyone’s surprise (not really), what happened instead was that people got in the comments section and told all their nice stories about “I have insurance for the first time in my life!” and “Obamacare saved my Nana!” — all liberal lies of course. Well, McMorris Rodgers has an EXPLANATION for what happened. All the nice things people said were about parts of the bill that EVERYONE loves, even Republicans: Read more on Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers Declares Victory Over Obamacare Fans, Goes Home…
  my cheese castle for a caucus vote

Candidate Walker Touts Awesome Program That Governor Walker Wants To Cut

Step Up, ISIS
At last week’s Iowa Ag Summit, rumored presidential candidate and confirmed smarmy weathervane Scott Walker wowed Republicans with faux-sincerity and triangulated tales of the Heartland. Walker appealed to folks by trumpeting Wisconsin’s efforts to improve healthcare in remote areas. A true friend of Real America, Scott noted how he expanded medical treatment beyond home remedies such as Aunt Francine’s Giblet Poultice. Read more on Candidate Walker Touts Awesome Program That Governor Walker Wants To Cut…
  Obama's filling your grandma's doughnut hole right nice

Obamacare Death Panels Oklahoma Old People, By Giving Them So Much Money

Now Grandma gets to go to the Horseshoe, THANKS OBAMA.
U.S. Americans have been lately wondering why their Oklahoma Grandma has been sending them TWO crisp twenties for their birthdays these past few years. Is she sick? Has she reached the point where she can’t count moneys anymore? GOOD NEWS, it is not that, your Okie Mee-Maw is just fine! It turns out that, due to the Affordable Care Act, more popularly known as “Obamacare,” Grandma Rose has a bit more cash to throw around, stemming from Obamacare’s efforts to close the so-called “doughnut hole” in Medicare Part D, a dumb coverage gap that causes seniors to spend many extra dollars per year on prescriptions that they actually need. So far, though, since Black President death paneled all the Olds in 2010, Oklahoma grandmas (and grandpas, and grandsgenders, and also disabled people covered by Medicare who are not “grand” age) have saved $191 million on their prescription drugs, hurray! You know who is going to the race track this weekend? Yes, it is Grandma Rose and her 65,158 best friends: Read more on Obamacare Death Panels Oklahoma Old People, By Giving Them So Much Money…
  He probably spent all the Wonkette donations on drugs

Anti-Obamacare Sheriff Still Hates Obamacare, Says Thank You Libtards For All The Moneys!

We were so excited to hear that the virulently anti-Obamacare Sheriff Richard Mack, whose ass Wonkette readers helped bail out since he has a ton of medical bills and refuses to buy insurance, was on the HuffPostLive. “Oh great,” we thought, “he is going to cry and thank Wonkette and ask us to be his lord and savior, or at least name his next kitten after us, this will be beautiful.” Read more on Anti-Obamacare Sheriff Still Hates Obamacare, Says Thank You Libtards For All The Moneys!…
  Wonkette heals the sick

Wonkette Commenters Teach Obamacare-Hating Sheriff A Lesson By Paying His Medical Bills

Except this time it is Wonkette being Jesus!
Wonkette is a force for good in the world, it has been proven! On Friday, we had the story of former Arizona sheriff guy Richard Mack, a wingnut Oath Keeper, who has also been a very public opponent of the tyrannical reach-around that is Obamacare. Mack and his wife do not have health insurance, because FREEDOM, but sadly both have suffered major health setbacks in the past several months, which has led them to experience the uniquely American wonders of getting driven into the poor house, due to ain’t got no health insurance. Read more on Wonkette Commenters Teach Obamacare-Hating Sheriff A Lesson By Paying His Medical Bills…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Are Illiterate Illegal Parasites In Prison. Science Fact!

Haha, 'COORS'
Since Disqus has brought us a bunch of new commenters (Hi! Welcome To The Monkeyhouse! Play nice!), we’d just like to ‘splain why we moderate comments in the first place, instead of allowing unfettered Free Speach: It’s because we are big believers in the First Amendment, which gives us the right to run our little mommyblog/recipe hub/Pony appreciation society however the hell we want to. It’s our parlor, and if we choose not to invite someone in because they’re intent on muddying up the carpet and shitting on the credenza, or even if we don’t like their Gadsden Flag t-shirt, that’s our business. Don’t like it? Do some Free Enterprise and offer the Editrix an obscene amount of money to buy the site so you can change how things work. (We hear she’ll only sell if the staff get some pretty impressive golden parachutes.) Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Are Illiterate Illegal Parasites In Prison. Science Fact!…
  If Obama hadn't done it none of this would be a problem

GOP So Mad Obama Failed To Plan For GOP Destruction Of Obamacare

The other day we introduced you all to our new favorite people, the World Net Daily-style commenters recruited as plaintiffs in the latest Republican lawsuit to destroy Obamacare forever and ever. The case is called King v. Burwell, and it’s a complex lawsuit, but let’s try to spell it out: Under the Affordable Care Act, subsidies are provided to qualifying people in order to help them pay for their insurance, and they are provided by state insurance exchanges, and in states that were too lazy/wingnut to set up said exchanges, the federal government handles the subsidies. Read more on GOP So Mad Obama Failed To Plan For GOP Destruction Of Obamacare…