health care
No, No, No, John Roberts Wasn’t Extorted, He Is Just Stupid From Epilepsy
The loyal opposition and our fellow Merkins on the savage right have been having a very hard 24 hours, what with trying to come to terms with how they were totally raped in their bottoms by a man, a Justice, a CHIEF JUSTICE they thought was their friend, but who it turns out is the [...]
Bobby Jindal And Scott Walker Will Break Law Like Gandhi To Save You From Oppression By Health Care
Who will be the greatest hero in the struggle against the tyranny that is having medical care like every other Western nation? Will it be Scott Walker? Will it be Bobby Jindal? Will they throw on tights and capes and be a dynamic duo for freedom? Duh, of course they will. “We’re not going to [...]
Heads The Gop Wins, Tails Barack Obama Loses, The Washington Post Explains
When even Pegs Nooner is left to moan into her (METAPHORICAL!) Vicodin bottle that President Francisco Franco has had a very good day, where can the poor spinmeisters of the Republican National Committee turn for a warm hug of tea and sympathy? Why, the Washington Post’s “The Fix,” of course! While our initial readout in [...]
Rightwing Blogger’s Shocking Discovery: John Roberts Was Blackmailed, Arrests To Come Soon!
How is it possible that it took the #WARBLOGS over an hour to discover the real reason John Roberts made a dookie on the NRO’s face, by agreeing that the Heritage Foundation’s proposal for health care reform, and one that had been flogged by the GOP as far back as Gingrich’s tenure as Emperor of [...]
Michigan Republicans’ Ex-Spokesman Wants You To Shoot The Government For Giving You Health Care
Remember when your neighbors used to laugh at you for hoarding survival seed kits and gold coins lo these many years? Well, you’re about to get the last laugh because while they’re stuck living under the iron boot of Saul Alinsky John Roberts’ socialist regime like sheeple, you are locked, loaded, and ready for revolution. [...]
Bryan Fischer Shares Jesus’s Plan For The Poor: Hospitals, Turn Them Away
In a plain case of “Blessed are the poor for Bryan Fischer wants them dead,” the radio host and director of issues analysis at the American Family Association recently overshared some characteristically Deep Thoughts on fixing godless heathen Obamacare. The following Guide to A Good Christian’s Healthcare may prove helpful. Hospitals should send the poor [...]
You Still Can’t Take A Chicken To The Doctor Unless It Is A Chicken Doctor
Remember that LA Times article from a couple months back where they revealed that the average American family pays about $20,000 for health care every year? And then ran the article with a picture of a Hyundai sedan, because they are charging $20,000 for a Hyundai sedan these days? Anyway, turns out that’s only true [...]
Nobody Has Any Money, Least Of All The Government, Because We Are All Fat
Problem: we are all fat, and even those of us who aren’t are being forced to pay for things to accommodate the new, larger comforts required of the overweight, such as bigger toilets in hospitals, and bigger seats in public transportation! Conveying our cars across space requires a billion more gallons of gasoline per year [...]
Snide Trustfunder Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller ‘Celebrates’ Obamacare Anniverary, With Snideness
Feliz cumpleanos, Obamacare! Don’t look now, but Tucker Carlson’s Internet Spazzathon is having itself a right nice little chortle about how stupid you are and how you will dooooom President Barack Obama’s reelection campaign! Aw, don’t feel bad! Everyone knows Tucker Carlson’s an asshole! Here, for instance, is some “reporter” being completely disingenuous and conflating [...]
Bachmann: Birth Control Mandate Might Lead To Scary One-Child Rule
Have you missed Michele Bachmann and her tortured labyrinths of lugubrious logic since she dropped out of the presidential race, as we have? Do not worry, it’s not as if the babbling brook has gone dry; it is merely that no one is paying attention anymore. But they should! Because Michele Bachmann has a novel [...]
Wal-Mart’s Billions and the Art Museum of Cruelty: A Christmas Carol
Here is a number we’ve seen bouncing around this week that really makes us want to fire up the old Yule Log, in the sense that the “Yule Log” is a tightly bound human centipede of the richest hundred humans in America, lit on fire: The six heirs to the Wal-Mart fortune have about $93 [...]
Scalia & Thomas Have Anti-Obamacare Dinner (Kagan Should Recuse)
Notorious fringe-right “originalist” boobs Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas were so happy with the announcement that the Supreme Court will be hearing a challenge to the health care reform law that they celebrated immediately afterward by boozing it up with the legal team that will be arguing against the law. According to the Los Angeles [...]
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