• Obama gave some big speech about health care last night. Joe Wilson gave some small speech about dishonesty and its practitioners. [New York Times]
• As with all political acts, of any kind, anywhere in America, the big winners of last night’s speech were “Independents” and “seniors.” [Washington Post]
• Here is a round-up of the GOP’s disrespectful forms of non-violent protest: homemade posters! Joe Wilson! Scattered “ooh” sounds! [Washington Post]
• God, you know, God, ordered some Bolivian guy to hijack a jet flying from LA to Mexico City. Everyone is okay, except God, who feels a bit foolish. [AP]
• Professional sports athlete Derek Jeter hit as many baseballs with a baseball bat as fellow “New York Yankee” Lou Gehrig. This has earned him the baseball equivalent of the Super Bowl (high praise). [WSJ]
• Oh and while all this happened, Iran became nuclear-capable! [New York Times]

Do you know how many Americans have perished since Obama has pulled the plug on democracy? The answer is “countless.” Alternately: millions. Billions, even, if you count the poor ones that Obama is always so gay about counting. The GOP will now shuffle someone out, “Charles Boustany”, who will read the names of socialism’s victims to the tune of Rod Blagojevich singing Elvis B-sides. It will be America’s finest hour. MORE »

For those of you who have decided to commit suicide if Barack Obama signs a health care bill without a public option, well… you’re still probably going to have to commit suicide, because of that thing, what is it, “the lack of votes in the Senate.” But not just yet! Prepare to receive lip service again, tonight, reports Sarah Palin’s banking pamphlet: “WASHINGTON — President Barack Obama, in a high-stakes speech Wednesday to Congress and the nation, will press for a government-run insurance option in a proposed overhaul of the U.S. health-care system that has divided lawmakers and voters for months.” All corporations will now die, hooray! MORE »