Watch maudlin narcissist Roland Burris read a “health care-themed” iteration of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” on the Senate floor. “We’ll clog up the Senate, they cried with a grin/And in the midterm elections, we’ll get voted in!” Chilling. Roland Burris will take two copies in his ark to the River Styx. [YouTube]

• America’s economy has expanded for the first time in four quarters, presumably by exchanging the four quarters in for a dollar. [AP]
• An online anthology of song lyrics that do not quite merit away message status—”Twitter”—is America’s only successful business. [Reuters]
• Here is a linguistic Venn Diagram about the differences, similarities, and overlapping too-small-to-write-in sliver re: Congress’ feelings about the health care bill. [New York Times]
• Watch the Washington Post try very hard to make “the bill that stole Christmas” meme happen. [Washington Post]
• Obama has selected eBay’s Howard Schmidt person as his new cybersecurity czar-by-any-other-name. [Wall Street Journal]
• The actual Rain Man who inspired the movie Rain Man and its famous character, Rain Man, has died of a heart attack. [Times Online]

Now that the House is debating the Republican health care alternative, the sweeping “BonerCare” of ancient lore, it’s a good opportunity to share this amazing (and ominous — mostly ominous!) photograph from commenter “mollymcguire,” who actually lives in the Northern Marianas, as a sex slave who is currently getting railed by Tom DeLay or whatever in the back of this Jeep with the Truck Nutz. After BonerCare passes both the House and Senate 535-0 — as expected within the next few minutes — the streets of Saipan shall be rife with Truck Nutz.

Hello, Democratic Congressman from Florida Alan Grayson! We hear you have a few rather saucy remarks about the Republicans’ health care plan…… or lack thereof! Ha! Right though? Okay hit it, Mr. Man: “That’s right! The Republicans want you to die quickly if you get sick!”

Caustic, that trademark Ocala, FL wit.
[via Daily Intel]