Wonkette

Alaskan dingbat Sarah Palin proudly quoted Ronald Reagan last night, you betcha. So what was that weird quote about, anyway? It’s from this LP propaganda record, part of a “campaign organized by the American Medical Association to block the passage of Medicare.” MORE »

Here’s the debut ad from the newly formed “Health Care For America Now,” an advocacy group for universal health care with Elizabeth Edwards as its figurehead. Its message is clear: 40-some million Americans lack health insurance not because of its cost or availability. No, the real reason is that whenever Americans try to find decent, affordable plans, this unusually surly Magic 8 Ball shows up on their couch and tells them to put a sock in it. [WSJ, YouTube]

Everybody wants to know if John McCain is equipped to serve out a full term in office before expiring of the Old Age Vapours, so his team is assembling a squadron of doctors to vouch for his excellent physical health. This is a man who broke every bone in his body, including the little dealies in his inner ear, before having them each systematically removed and then re-inserted at a 45 degree angle in a sterile Vietnamese Torture Prison. He also had half his face cut off because of Face Cancer. MORE »

Do you know who John Edwards hates? Everybody. And do you know who his cranky wife hates? Everybody else. Together they have enough hate to rule America, but nobody wanted to elect Senator Goodhair so instead they are spewing their bile at some tragic People reporter who faithfully transcribed their angry rants. Find out what they Like and Dislike about the people who will be president instead of them! MORE »

Yoiks! Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, the woman who could be president someday if she weren’t a secret Canadian, has undergone emergency surgery to remove “a bowel obstruction.” We don’t know much about bowel obstructions except that labrador retrievers get them when they eat pantyhose. The governor’s problem seems to stem from a 1993 car accident. But what will this mean for Michigan’s Democratic delegate mess? MORE »

Ha ha, just kidding. Here’s the presumptive Republican nominee in a South Florida meth lab, cooking up more pills for his beloved. Shortly after this photo was taken, he unveiled his revolutionary plan to make health care more affordable for the poor by giving them tax credits on taxes they don’t pay because they are too poor to pay taxes. Then he peed in a cup and swallowed an entire bottle of Centrum Silver to show the world how easy and affordable health care can be. [From The Road/AP Photo]

Here is WALNUTS! performing his most comical act: pretending he knows anything about domestic policy! (Foreign policy, too, but that’s a different kind of Sad). In this ad about health care, he repeats a very important but widely ignored aspect of the issue: health care is very expensive. Yowza! And then the innovative approach: we must make it affordable. And, of course, the perfect solution: $5,000 tax credits to fix health care entirely. But he fails to mention the simplest way to reduce health care costs: stop spending $6.7 billion to wake up John McCain’s failing carcass every day. Also, doesn’t he sound congested in this thing? It could be pneumonia, which is almost always lethal when you’re McCain’s age. [YouTube]

It seems New York Times health care columnist Paul Krugman has taken a President’s Day vacation from predictable Hillary-coddling; in today’s column, he criticizes Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton for not caring about poverty as much as John Edwards fake-cared. Krugman’s so-so fare today allows “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol to dazzle in his stead, like in the good old days. MORE »

Hillary’s made a follow-up ad in Wisconsin to her earlier one. Some people might call this a “negative” or “attack” ad and hate Hillary as a result. Such whining indicates that these people shouldn’t be able to vote. [YouTube]

Mondays sure are exciting in the New York Times op-ed pages these days. Whose column makes a better argument for the destruction of the NYT in toto: Bill Kristol’s or Paul Krugman’s? While last week’s prize went to Krugman, Kristol retakes his rightful throne this week as the worst columnist on the planet, Earth. MORE »

Barack Obama is a FRAUD. He was a massive fraud on this morning’s Today show, and he probably went and stole some credit card identities after the taping. Barry has a health care package that doesn’t force everyone to get health insurance, but one time in Illinois he said single-payer systems are also good — but not feasible! Just look at this goddamn Brit, this lobsterback. Has he ever held a reliable position about anything? Thank you, The Clintons, for showing that Barry supports one kind of universal health care reform over another that he doesn’t think is so bad either.

Hooray, we’re here. There are about 500 people protesting for health care outside, and otherwise the Cashman Center is pretty much abandoned. Also, Wonkette’s filing desk is NEXT TO DAILY KOS AND HUFFINGTON POST AND MAYBE AOL … THIS WON’T STAND. We are going to look for some conservatives to sit by, because they’ll likely have much better jokes about the Democrats. Also, better cocaine. Back later; we are parked illegally and the Secret Service is kind of giving weird looks to our dirty old Beetle.

Debate Right On Target [Las Vegas Review Journal]

When it comes to executive fashion and grooming tips, multi-millionaire executives who buy their way into politics have long looked to Republican Mitt Romney. With his perfect George Hamilton suntan and manly CEO hairstyle that really reminds you why John Edwards looks like such a girl, Mitt truly defines the flip-flopping elitist New England style once popularized by John Kerry. And now Mitt’s writing for his favorite magazine, GLAMOUR.

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