There is no reason, ever, to invite racist ex-Congressman failure Tom Tancredo onto any television show, or at least the political ones. So thank you Tom Tancredo for graciously acknowledging your unimportance and leaving the set mid-interview! MORE »

Now now, liberals, you can no longer smugly declare in political arguments, “the Republicans don’t even have a health care plan,” because they do! John Boehner released the GOP alternative plan a few days ago, and the CBO scored it, to much fanfare. It is but a modest (Very Responsible Centrist) plan to save America from the Muslims. One of its central tenets — and the health care thing you’ve been hearing Republicans blab on about most, after they’ve exhausted tort reform — is to allow consumers to purchase health care plans across state lines. Doesn’t that sound nice, for competition and pricing? But what if… what if many of the health insurers then set up shop in the “state” of the Northern Marianas, where there is not a single law against anything? MORE »

So here’s this new affecting radio spot from the American Future Fund, in which Nancy Pelosi is a pirate, right?, because her last name begins with “P”. No, wait. Nancy Pelosi is like the Speaker of the House pirate who is forcing all the other Congress pirates to walk the plank, even though they’re her own crew members. It’s like actual pirates do, yeah? [YouTube]

Joe Lieberman’s above-ground slime cave was not the only office that was invaded and briefly colonized yesterday: 12 anti-abortion people were arrested outside some suite that belonged to Nancy Pelosi and were charged with all kinds of distinctions within the disorderly conduct family. The AP does not want to assume these people were associated with the tea bag people—”the speaker’s staff said those arrested were objecting to language in the health care overhaul that they said would allow federally subsidized abortions”—but it’s definitely safe to just go ahead and assume that they absolutely were. [AP]

• Yeah yeah alright, the mighty elephant “ballot boxed” (pun!) the snot out of the scrawny little donkey. But check out the guns on that elephant, and his extremely agitated facial expression. ‘Roids. Textbook case. [RedState]
• Everyone gets access to affordable health care? Isn’t that what happened to the Jews at Dachau? The latest scholarship — and some dude with a sign — would suggest so. [Think Progress]
• Delete your Gmail account, pound a two-liter bottle of Robitussin and head for Mexico. You have been way too productive lately, and it’s time to take it easy. [Matt Yglesias]
• Wall Street gets first dibs on the swine flu vaccine! Let us weep for Matt Taibbi. He is still without an FDA-approved vaccine for his uncontrollable rage. [AMERICAblog]

Hooray, America is free! Unless Steny Hoyer memorized the House health care bill verbatim — AS WAS YOUR JOB STENY — and can transcribe it by votin’ time Saturday night, Pelosi’s AbortionCare is gone forever, strewn about on the floor outside her office. Independent and moderate voters must be so impressed with the Republican leaders’ professionalism today. [TwitPic/Mike Madden]

Operative “Randy C,” of fleeting Halloween costume Internet fame, has graciously donated his “pubic option” poster to the teabaggers. Is that pastor taking a shine to it? Meanwhile, another Hill operative reports on an overheard conversation between two members of the mobilizing force: MORE »

So nine martyr-combatants stormed and briefly occupied the office of Joe Lieberman this morning. After chanting about health care—”Everyone in and no one out, universal health care now!” and “Represent Connecticut, not AETNA!”—they were dragged away and arrested. MEANWHILE: We have not yet heard from Editor Jim Newell this morning! [TPM]

The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), a vestigial structure in the American political apparatus dating back to old times when people “stopped working” at a certain age and lived off of pensions (nowadays it’s more common to work forever, after Wall Street loots your life savings from the 401(k) it pushed you into), will supposedly be endorsing the super-communist House health care bill. Your death warrant’s signed, Granny! This is great news in that it gives us an excuse to link to this comical AARP article about old people sexting each other. “‘The next thing you know, you’ll get a picture of a breast,’ he says with a hearty laugh.” [AP, AARP]

Person for whom there are no more nicknames Michele Bachmann is teaming up with the #1 asshole in Congress, Iowa’s Steve King, to throw “a big party” on the National Mall this Thursday against health care reform, the worst idea since 9/11 and, before that, the Holocaust. Also on the “worst guest list you can imagine” guest list are Betsy McCaughey, Jon Voight, and Mark Levin of National Review. As best we can interpret, the “idea” is for wingnuts nationwide to travel to Washington, get loaded on free kegs of cat piss, and then go yell at every member of Congress about freedom and liberty. What a steal! MORE »

Wacky Southern belle Virginia Foxx, the dingbat congresswoman from North Carolina whose other hits this year include calling the Matthew Shepard beating a “hoax” and for some reason using the word “tarbaby” on the House floor, has now delivered a nuclear bomb of hyperbolic meaninglessness: “I believe we have more to fear from the potential of that [health care] bill passing than we do from any terrorist right now in any country.” Ever. [Media Matters]