Tag: hawaii

Answers is tough and is not my favorite.

Marco Rubio Pulls Out Stunning Second Place Win In Florida, Quits GOP Race Like Loser He Is

Marco Rubio, goddamned loser that he is, lost the Florida primary, and his campaign is SO over, bro. Rubio told his supporter(s) he was suspending his campaign Tuesday night, after every news organization in the universe simultaneously punched him...
Lesbian outlaws

Lesbians Terrorize Hawaii Supermarket With Kisses, Lesbianism

Same old story. Go on Hawaiian vacation, go to grocery store with lesbian lover lady, research various melons (the produce kind, not each other's), kiss lesbian lover on cheek, end up in jail for a couple days for allegedly...
They're gonna need their teddies, their blankies and a nap.

Justice Department Won’t Throw Obama In Jail For Doing IRS-Ghazi To Teabaggers

In another stunning defeat for the Republican Party, President Obama's jackbooted thugs at the Department of Justice announced BREAKING NEWS that they have finished their two-year investigation into the sad tea-flavored tears of conservatives accusing the IRS of doing war crimes to the tea...
Probably not kosher, if you know what we mean (and we think you do)

Weird Sex Mushrooms Give Ladies Spontaneous Orgasms (Or Not): Your Saturday Nerdout

A happy Saturday to you, oh Nerdlings of Wonkette! We've got pornographic mushrooms (maybe), scientific proof of aliens (probably not), leftist comic books (hardly even), and a homemade Starship Enterprise (definitely!), plus much more for you this week! 'Orgasm...
Looks terrible. Such a sad day for them.

Tyrant Obama Makes War On Army Heroes’ Christmas Wedding

Talk about a double bogie! Over the weekend, two Army captains who were scheduled to get married at the 16th tee of the Kaneohe Klipper Golf Course in Hawaii had to move the wedding at the last minute because President...
Ooooh, hot lava!

Hawaii Congresslady Skips Out On Election Night Duty Just To Save State From Volcano, Lame.

This could get in the way of her election-night party: Hawaii congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard, a Democrat running for reelection in the 2nd District, has been called up for duty in the Hawaii National Guard as it stands by to...
Look, we know you were always looking for a lei...

Was War Hero Daniel Inouye Also That Secret Sexist Senator? NYT Says Yes!

The New York Times is pretty sure it's outed the unidentified senior senator who grabbed Kirsten Gillibrand's waist after she'd lost some weight and chuckled, “Don’t lose too much weight now. I like my girls chubby!” According to "people...
Don't be ridiculous -- Santa is white.

Very Credible ‘Former Jihadist’ Saw Barack Obama Kissing Muslim Claus In A Mosque On Christmas

In a revelation that will be shocking proof to at least 12 or 13 wingnuts who were genuinely undecided on the question, we learn that Barack Obama has to be a Muslim because on Christmas, he totally attended a mosque...

Hero Hawaii Legislator Will Save Middle Schoolers From Terror Of Hearing The Word ‘Anus’

Hawaii, we were under the impression your legislative types were generally not, on the whole, anti-gay nutbars since they crammed gay marriage down the throats of the state last December. We should never forget, though, that there will always...

Fort Lauderdale Will Magically Fix Homelessness By Stealing Homeless People’s Stuff, Basically

So what should you do if your town has a homelessness problem? Should you (a) increase city spending on things like affordable housing; (b) form some public-private partnerships to increase job possibilities; or (c) pass a law barring the...

Dumbest Birther Claim Yet? Hawaii Health Director Couldn’t Fit In Own Casket, Says Birther, Proving…????

Yr Wonkette would just like to call on the conspiracy theorists of the world, especially the Birthers, to work a little bit on their communication skills. Case in point: this blog thing claiming that something is definitely wrong with...

The Washington Times Has Found The Cause Of The Polar Vortex And It Is Michelle Obama

Are you part of the one-hundred-and-eleventy percent of America that is freezing right now? Have you barricaded yourself in your house and then set the house on fire, for warmth? Have you taken to wearing your pets as housecoats?...

Obama Killing All Birth Certificate Cover-Up Related Witnesses In Desperate Attempt To Distract From Obamacare

What with all the other craziness that has gone on in Washington this fall, it only makes sense that Our Great Leader and Guiding Star of the Heavens Barack Obama would choose this moment to start quietly knocking off...

Hero Hawaii Democrat Going Around Smashing Homeless People’s Stuff, Because They Are ‘Disgusting’ — Wait, What?

Hawaii News Now - KGMB and KHNL What the everloving fuck, Hawaii? You are so cool! You are HAWAII. Prezzy Bamz was born in you! You were multicultural before multiculturalism was Satan's immigrant basket! Everybody is all mellow and high...

Totally Sane Chicago Bishop To Exorcise Demons From Same-Sex Marriage Bill Signing

Well hello, GAYmerica. Because the frothy LGBT agenda is being smeared all over this great land, this little mommyblog has not been reporting on every state that legalizes gay marriage, which everyone knows is like poking G-d in the...

A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: Your Labor Day Loonworld Roundup

Welcome to a special Labor Day edition of picked-up pieces, a baggy collection of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but that we couldn't quite manage a full post on. Or just didn't wanna. At the top...