Ah, here it is, gamesetmatch for McCain — Obama’s been caught kidnapping/fathering black children in French Hawaii! We knew something was up with this slimeball. If you want to see more spy photos from this man’s private vacation, the Huffington Post has a nice collection. What a family! When we look at this picture, all negativity and trauma briefly drowns out from the world; every problem has been momentarily solved and there are no more questions to ask. When a HuffPo commenter looks at this picture, however, (s)he types, “Awww … how sweet. BO takes yet ANOTHER vacation while another country goes under. Good thing HRC is on the trail saving his inexperienced a**!!!” You’d have to be a damn fool to believe these nice vacation photos wouldn’t become attack fodder. [HuffPo]

Jonah Goldberg penned a steaming heap of trash for today’s LA Times, blasting Moroccan strongman Barack Obama for not properly managing America’s foreign relations with Russia and Georgia during these current (oh wait, aborted!) beginnings of World War III. (Not the war with Mexico, different one.) MORE »

While Barack Obama continues to putz around like a jerk on vacation in “exotic” Hawaii, John McCain has been campaigning across Pennsylvania with Tom Ridge, the guy who inexplicably decided he’d rather serve as George W. Bush’s powerless anti-terrorism bitch than remain a popular governor of a large state. Well, the Pennsylvanians are just loving this pair. They’re packing the crowds, chanting McCain’s name, you name it. And if you can even believe it, some teenage girls are waking up before dawn to get into McCain rallies. Hope is for dopes! All the kids talk about these days is that old Republican bastard, John McCain. MORE »

Oh good God. It is probably time for either Cokie Roberts or Wonkette to retire, now that we have said basically the same thing about Barack Obama’s elitist vacation to some place called “Hawaii,” which is located in the lower left-hand corner of the map right next to Alaska — and yet has burning hot summers, whereas Alaska is forever enshrouded in snow. Why won’t Barack Obama apologize for visiting his grandmother in this curious “Mystery Spot” where many Americans go on package tours? [YouTube]

Democratic operatives are surprisingly not scared shitless about Obama’s upcoming vacation to Hawaii, despite the party’s well known reputation as shirtless pussies who are always being gay on beaches: “In a piece of footage endlessly recycled to mock his supposed elitism and even foreignness, Mr Kerry was caught on camera windsurfing off Massachusetts. Since Mr Obama is taking his holiday at a private beach house in Hawaii, surrounded by the secret service, campaign officials worry less about his exposure to the paparazzi. Besides, they say, most Americans will be tuned into the Olympics.” The Olympics? Ha! You silly campaign officials, letting down your guard. [Financial Times]

Four-year-old lazy greaseball European gay Himmler-phile Barack Obama continues to be too effete for the United States. He just got back from his stupid trip to Nowheresville, Iraq and pinko Europe and he’s already planning another trip out of the country — this time to “Hawaii,” the main island of Indonesia, where he grew up as a Muslim with pineapples as his only loser friends. From the Washington Post: “Sen. Barack Obama, preparing for the Democratic National Convention and the long march to November, plans to spend about a week in Hawaii in mid-August, mostly on vacation.” We look forward to Maureen Dowd’s interpretation of this on… well whatever day her weird column comes out. [WP/The Trail]

Famous blogger Markos “Kos” of the Daily Kos liberal website claims that this is Barack Obama’s birth certificate, which he obtained by asking the campaign. As you can see, it is clearly false: his race is not “African” as this crap-ument suggests, it is “Muslim,” and the Wingnuts live another day. [Daily Kos]

Contrary to popular belief, Barack Obama was not hatched from a magical Muslim egg at the age of 35. In fact he had a normal Christian childhood in Hawaii, and we have photographic evidence to prove it! Here he is pictured at the historic brokered Pencil Chewers Convention of ‘73. Riots and an assassination attempt (pictured here) marred the proceedings, but in the end Barry was able to bring people together around a platform of hope, and pencils. MORE »

With 26 of 347 precincts reporting, “native son” Barack Obama is beating Hillary Clinton three to one. And Wonkette is now going to bed because it’s “three ‘o one” in the morning. Happy 10th (or 11th) Straight Victory In a Row, Barry Obama! [Honolulu Advertiser]

Wonkette operative “Kerry” from “Maui” reports: MORE »

Saddened and angered by our nation’s Cable News Channels switching to repeats long before any results appeared from Hawaii, we demanded Inside Information from our island readers. Here’s what we’ve learned, courtesy of totally objective Wonkette operative Noreen H. in Honolulu: MORE »