Unsatisfied with the terrible death and destruction in Chile, the Evil Earthquake is now hoping to wipe out the Hawaiian Islands with a Terrible Tsunami. Alleged Hawaiian Barack Obama just warned his people on the Sandwich Islands that the killer wave spawned by the 8.8 Chilean quake should start bashing the shores in about an hour. Why does Nature hate everybody? MORE »

THIS IS A SERIOUS MEETING. HE DOES NOT ENJOY WEARING THESE CLOTHES. “The Republican National Committee winter meetings kicks off in Hawaii on Wednesday, but GOP Chairman Michael Steele — who picked the tropical location — insists there will be serious business involved. ‘Relax,’ Steele said while sporting a Hawaiian shirt and a flower lei. ‘We’re working hard here, trust me. This is not a vacation.’” [HuffPo]

Most people who know anything about politics recognize that Katon Dawson and other influential slaveowners at the RNC will be drafting a plan to both re-enslave and kill Michael Steele, simultaneously, at their upcoming gay slaveowner retreat in Hawaii. But only now are we learning of the first step in this process. According to the very healthy Washington Times slavery money trade pamphlet, the retreaters “are preparing a motion demanding that RNC Chairman Michael S. Steele cancel promotional events for the book he wrote as chairman.” They’re also seizing his profits — not a very capitalist move, but Michael Steele is from Africa so whatever. MORE »

Former South Carolina GOP chair Katon Dawson wanted so bad to earn his nut as chairman of the Republican National Committee in last year’s hysterical six-dimensional gangbang of an internal election process, one that hilariously culminated in Michael Steele’s first-ever victory in any contest. Dawson yearned so much for this position that he even resigned his beloved membership at a slaveowners’ country club which only whites could attend, unless of course they were slaves. This move backfired on Dawson, however, as the RNC voting body figured, “well if Dawson’s so much of a loser that he’ll distance himself from our favorite institution — slavery — we might as well just cold elect an actual slave, who will do what we tell him.” But the Steele Administration has produced “mixed results,” and now Dawson and the remaining White Leadership of the party will fly to Hawaii to draft their plot to kill Michael Steele. MORE »

Say, which two flavors of protesters are so devoted to their causes that they’ve chased Obama all the way to his terrifying pineapple tundra, Hawaii, in the middle of this brutal winter? (Nope, no PUMAs — TSA still has of its shit together enough to crash that party.) On one side of the street you’ll find the dirty fucking anti-American gay hippies suggesting that Obama’s endless imperial warfare is “bad”; on the other you have the usual anti-abortion folk. So both groups are against death but probably don’t think the other’s death is really death-death. And Barack Obama plays golf. [YouTube]

Sarah Palin, what a whiner! She went on vacation and drew on her visor, with a marker, and now she is QUITTING her foreign Hawaiian fun-trot because somebody pointed out that she drew on her visor with a marker. MORE »

Here is this latest Sarah Palin thing that is also the world’s top political DC gossip: While on vacation in the eastern African nation of Hawaii, Sarah Palin wore a John McCain eponymous old man visor, except crossed out the “John McCain” part with marker. Possibly pen. Anyway is it time for Willow to go through an Adbusters phase yet? There could be a very innocent explanation for this! [TMZ]

Whoa, neato! “Researchers on Thursday announced the discovery of two World War II Japanese submarines, including one meant to carry aircraft for attacks on American cities and the Panama Canal, in deep water off Hawaii, where they were sunk 63 years ago.” They are still operational and Obama plans to operate them, on America and the Panama Canal. No, they are not operational at all. But will Obama still use them? [NYT]

• LIKELY VOTERS IN NORTH CAROLINA, A BLUE STATE: “Public Policy Polling also asked those surveyed whether they consider Hawaii to be part of the U.S. Five percent said no, and 3 percent said they were not sure.” What is this “consider” business? [News & Observer]

• If we don’t have the F-22, how are we going to fight China, on the Moon? [RedState]
• From now on, please refer to Matt Yglesias as the Breeding Male. Thank you. [Matt Yglesias]
• First there was Tom Paine, with his annoying pamphlets. And then there was That Guy, who brutalized baby dolls and then hung them from metal chains, on a stick. Patriots. [YouTube/TPM]
• Orly Taitz’s Plan B: Hawaii secedes from the Union, and then Barack Obama is deported for being Hawaiian, aka a dirty foreigner. [Hit & Run]
• If you love the Free Republic as much as the Gays do, click here! [AMERICAblog]

Amazing things have happened in the House this afternoon; go read all of what Sam Stein wrote, here, he’s good at these things. Briefly, though: Rep. Neil Abercrombie of Hawaii — former buddy of Barack Obama Senior! — introduced a resolution “Recognizing and celebrating the 50th Anniversary of the entry of Hawaii into the Union as the 50th State,” which now includes the line, “Whereas the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, was born in Hawaii…” SO WHAT’S IT GONNA BE, GOP congressmen with insane constituents?? Apparently they need some time to think about this standard symbolic resolution, because Michele Bachmann blocked the quick and easy passage of it on the floor this afternoon. Why would she do that? [Huffington Post]

The pineapple heads over in Hawaii have passed the worst piece of legislation EVER, worse even than the Fugitive Slave Act. They have decided to make September 24, 2009 into “Islam Day,” which will feature forcible conversions, public executions, and widespread consumption of halal meats. MORE »

POLITICO MUST BE BOMBED TO HELL, RIGHT NOW: “Obama has been photographed several times without his shirt as a presidential candidate but he’s about to step into the White House — so how much skin is too much? There is a fine line, experts said, and this time at least, Obama was on the right side of it.” And in the next paragraph, there’s a quote from an expert! He says it’s normal for the humans to take their shirts off at the beach! And the expert’s name is “Howard Bragman,” which is clearly made up. Ugh. We’re not even going to link to this article. [Mystery Link]