Tag Archives: hats

  give us all your moneys

All Your Christmas Shopping In One Place, Unless You Have To Buy Stuff For Your Stupid Kids

You will have to go elsewhere for your creepy Elmo dolls (in fact, you probably want to just click that Amazon box in the righthand sidebar so that when Amazon forces your local mom and pop store out of business, at least your local mom and pop website gets a cut). We we do not have a single item for your stupid kids. What do we have? Hats, coffee cups, gift wrap, some other stuff, some more other stuff, and scary underwear. Read more on All Your Christmas Shopping In One Place, Unless You Have To Buy Stuff For Your Stupid Kids…
  Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money)

An Open Letter To Donald Trump Re: Buy Everything Day At WonketteBazaar.com

Dear Muskrat-Headed Ego-Beast From Hell Mr. Trump, We see that Barry Bamz has not taken you up on your generous offer, and that despite your seditious patriotic efforts to spark a pro-liberty uprising, every indication is that That One is still on track to be inaugurated for a second term in January. So here you are, with $5 million that you know won’t be going to Barry, and that you didn’t even bother to give to victims of SuperStormaGanza Sandy. And here we are, ready to unleash upon U.S. America a veritable maelstrom of merchandise, which, when combined with the frenzied capitalistic excesses of Buy Everything Day, threatens to blanket every city, town, hamlet, and ophelia in the nation with Progressive-oriented tees, coffee mugs, hats, and tote bags. Yes, tote bags, Donald, the sort of bags that people might very well use to tote things. Things that they will want the government to give them, free, because they are Takers. And these amazingly well-crafted and aesthetically-pleasing items all promote things you hate, Donald, spreading the word that the people wearing, drinking out of, or toting things in them are denginerates, and SHEEP flouride drinking FLITH who are bent on pushing their liberal ideas down everyone’s throat and waving correctly-spelled protest signs, too. But you can stop all that, Donald. Your money has a way to shut that whole thing down. Read more on An Open Letter To Donald Trump Re: Buy Everything Day At WonketteBazaar.com…
  fire pb&j

Michael Steele’s Top Priority: Sandwich Time

“Facing questions about whether he can win a second term as chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele boasted Friday that he has re-shaped the committee from an unwieldy top-down behemoth into an agile grassroots organization with a record of success.” Somebody finally told Michael Steele he should just say he’s done a good job, even if he’s actually fucking everything up. Also Michael Steele and the entire crowd wore red “FIRE PELOSI!” hats, a message Steele announced the GOP will be promoting in a “bus tour,” so it sounds like this was a fun time. But Michael Steele isn’t holding out hope for another term as RNC chair, because he’s too busy concentrating on trying to get that sandwich made the way he likes it. [Peter Hamby] Read more on Michael Steele’s Top Priority: Sandwich Time…
 

Fred Thompson Should’ve Worn His Supporters’ Stupid Hats

Hollywood Fred Thompson was all set to be the pretend president who lost to Hillary Clinton in November, but he just didn’t want the job enough. After all, he is very old and very rich from his terrorist dealings and he’s so very, very lazy. Perhaps most importantly, he refused to put on those novelty hats people give you when you’re on the campaign trail. Read more on Fred Thompson Should’ve Worn His Supporters’ Stupid Hats…