• Police are going to use truth serum (probably just pinot noir) on the only surviving Mumbai terrorist. [Daily Beast]
• Harvard is in a recession too! The elitist madrassa where Barry spent his formative years managed to lose 22% of it’s $36.9 billion endowment in four months. [HuffPost]
• According to Jonah Goldberg, the real victims of Proposition 8 are the Mormons, who were in no way affected by Proposition 8 or any of its outcomes. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Obama loved his new boyfriend Bill Richardson better when he did the whole bear thing. “We’re deeply disappointed with the loss of the beard,” Obama said at a press conference, which was probably held in some art gallery in Providence. [CNN Political Ticker]
• The forgotten territory of Oklahoma is celebrating the completely irrelevant fact that John McCain won the state with a dumb Christmas card. [Ben Smith]

Did you know that Barack Obama is packing his economic advisory team with known communist associates? It’s true! Larry Summers, Obama’s likely head of the National Economic Council, had to resign from the presidency of Harvard University in 2006 for the grievous crime of being an asshole. After that he went to work part-time for the D.E. Shaw Group, a big fancy hedge fund run by intellectuals. D.E. Shaw “was founded in a small office over a communist bookstore in New York’s Greenwich Village in 1988.” COMMUNISTS EVERYWHERES, Q.E.D. When will Barack Obama apologize for this latest unseemly association? (Thank you, Thomas, for the tip!) [Wall Street Journal]

Barack Obama’s first major administration appointee was the biggest dick in Washington. How can he top that with his second pick? Why by picking the biggest dick in various academic and economic circles, of course! All of the “murmurs” surrounding Treasury Secretary possibilities center around Lawrence “Larry” Summers, who held the post under Clinton from 1999 to 2001 and then ran off to be President of Harvard, where everyone hated him for his awful management style and overt disgust for all ladies. He was forced to resign. But now he might get a shot at redemption! MORE »

Way back in 1990, our future president wrote an article for the Harvard Law Review about fetal rights. It asked the very important question of whether a fetus should be allowed to sue its mother for neglect, and answered the question with the long, boring legal equivalent of “Oh, brother.” Or something like that. The article was so boring that we couldn’t even bring ourselves to read the article about the article. [Politico]

New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol’s youth and young manhood was exactly this: Manhattan prep school, Harvard, more Harvard. Since then, he has devoted his career to sending other young people to die in catastrophic wars based on a false ideology of pre-emptive regime change. But as he notes in his column today, despite these great achievements, he can’t write an adequate commencement speech! MORE »

Being a “college journalist” is impossible. You, a hot-ticket Harvard teevee anchor, cheat the system and land some big interview, thinking your ultra-famous star subject will expect softballs from the college kid. Defiantly, you plan to ask some tough, racy questions to hit your subject offguard. Then you get to the interview and realize that you’re talking one-on-one with Karl Rove and are going to ask him about John McCain’s black baby. Awkward! [YouTube]

Blake Gottesman, the former personal aide and hand-sanitizer pimp to President Bush, got into Harvard Business School even though he never graduated from college. And now he will divulge his “leadership secrets” at a super-exclusive, by-lottery-only “Brown Bag” luncheon for students at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government on April 2! (We are not sure what these Brown Bag affairs are, but we are pretty sure it will come up in the Matos-McGreevey divorce proceedings.) Our double-secret undercover operative informs us that “a grand total of two ‘lottery’ slots have been claimed.” Hurry up and claim your spot, K-Skool losers! You have till midnight tomorrow. [John F. Kennedy School of Government]

Hey now, who’s that in the picture? That’s Governor of Prostitutes Eliot Spitzer with his wife, Silda Wall, on the cover of 02138, “the lifestyle magazine for Harvard influentials.” They graced the “Power Couples” cover once in the past, in the dreaded Winter 2007 issue. They both graduated from Harvard, you see, making them “Harvard influentials,” like Wonkette associate editor Sara K. Smith. But Sara K. Smith does not have sex with prostitutes. [02138; photo by Jake Chessum, Capsule Studio, New York]

At left, Emily Lamont, 19-year-old daughter of Connecticut Senate candidate Ned Lamont, is snuck up on by a nefarious beer funnel-wielding fellow Harvard student (as found by IvyGate, who are either for or against Ivys, we’re not sure). Ms. Lamont surely refused to partake in the illicit goings-on that followed. MORE »

The guy’s already been the subject of plenty of ink (how many profiles do we need before the press realizes we have a pretty good idea of the importance of Purell to our germaphobe President?), but Time delivers what might be the quintessential “this kid’s going places” story about Presidential personal aide Blake Gottesman. Gottesman, a 26-year-old college dropout, is described as being of one mind with the President, which should be a surprise to absolutely no one. We almost feel bad for the guy, considering that he’s had about 12 pieces written about his proficiency with hand-sanitizer and long-ended relationship with Jenna, but then we recall that his job’s hardest responsibilities include deciding which tchotchkes to save for future library inclusion and remembering which Eddie Bauer catalogs the President hasn’t seen yet. And he makes more than us. Oh, and the Harvard thing. Little bastard. MORE »

Harvard Student writes best lede of career, all downhill from here: MORE »