Tag Archives: harry reid

  nice time!

Ladies And Gentlemen, Wonkers And Wonkadoos, Your National Legislative Badass Of The Year, Elijah Cummings!

While 2013 certainly kept all the womyn busy in the kitchen baking shitmuffins, there were some bright and awesome spots where legislators on the national stage groped around to find long-lost sets of (gender-neutral) testicles and stood up for everything that is right and just in this world. In order to honor those men and women who encouraged us to step slowly away from the ledge, we have created the most coveted award in all the land: Legislative Badass of the Year. Despite tough competition from both chambers, we proudly present this year’s award to… ELIJAH CUMMINGS! Before we salivate and slobber and talk up this year’s champ, we have to give mad props (is that still a thing? We don’t know because old) to several runners-up who made us smile and feel good in all the right places. Read more on Ladies And Gentlemen, Wonkers And Wonkadoos, Your National Legislative Badass Of The Year, Elijah Cummings!…
  still illegal in virginia

The Thirteen Greatest Achievements In Throat Cramming Of 2013

Like most years when there’s a Democrat in the White House, 2013 was a year of things getting rammed, crammed, jammed, shoved, and/or forced down our (America’s) throats. How big were the things? So big. Were they hard to swallow? Oh yes. But somehow, freedom will endure, we guess. Here is a list of 13 tyrannies that made patriots gag in 2013: Read more on The Thirteen Greatest Achievements In Throat Cramming Of 2013…
  friday nice time

Bipartisan Nice Time: House Members Try To Stop Global Violence Against Women

A bipartisan group of House representatives just reintroduced the International Violence Against Women Act (IVAWA). Yes, you read that correctly — there are Democrats AND Republicans who have bridged the cavernous divide on an issue as basic as trying to stop violencing womyns around the world. Join us after the jump to have your heart warmed by the likes of Representatives Jan Schakowsky (D-IL), Richard Hanna (R-NY) and Chris Gibson (R-NY).  Read more on Bipartisan Nice Time: House Members Try To Stop Global Violence Against Women…
  sandwiches

BREAKING: Cheap Moocher Joe Biden Begs For Cash To Buy Sandwiches IMPEACH!

In case you missed the most important news of the day because you were busy watching Sen. Harry Reid (D-Bikini Atoll) nuclear bomb the Senate — metaphorically — we bring you this extremely important story. Mark your calendars, because you will definitely want to tell your grandchildren where you were when this OUTRAGE!!!!! happened. (Trigger warning for outrage): Read more on BREAKING: Cheap Moocher Joe Biden Begs For Cash To Buy Sandwiches IMPEACH!…
  then he stomped downtown tokyo

What Is Even Going On With This Nuclear Option Balls-Out Filibuster Vote Thingie

Did you tune into C-SPAN2 this AM to watch an epic rap battle between Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell, two of the best rhetoricians the Senate has ever produced? Of course you did! Except the whole time you were just whisperyelling at your computer “do it, Harry. Do. It. DO IT AND DROP THE NUCLEAR OPTION HAMMER.” Yes, Harry Reid grew a pair and finally decided to change the filibuster rules so that Mitch and his merry band of nihilists couldn’t just say “naw mang, we don’t like that dude because Democrat. Consider this our filibuster while we go back and take a nap.” Majority vote, baby! Up or down like God intended. Read more on What Is Even Going On With This Nuclear Option Balls-Out Filibuster Vote Thingie…
  same senate different day

Senate Welcomes Cory Booker With Traditional Obstructionism

Cory Booker, welcome to the Senate. On a day better known for scary costumes, you are one good-looking piece of eye-candy that we are very excited to see more of! And you were sworn in by the only man in the Senate we would like to bone more harder, Old Handsome Joe Biden, playing his oft-overlooked role of President of the Senate. What kind of treats does the Senate have in store for you today? Well, less than an hour after being sworn in, you got to cast your first votes. But your recent victory streak came to a screeching halt, per WaPo: Senate Republicans on Thursday blocked a vote on the nomination of Rep. Mel Watt (D-N.C.) to lead the Federal Housing Finance Agency.  The Senate voted 56-42 to proceed to a vote on Watt’s nomination — shy of the 60 votes required to end debate. Welcome to the Senate, Cory, where a ‘majority’ of 42 Senators get to hold up the people’s business. Democracy is a strange thing, sometimes. Read more on Senate Welcomes Cory Booker With Traditional Obstructionism…
  where overpromising meets underperforming

Senate GOP Rolls Up Sleeves, Gets To Work Blocking Every Obama Appointment

After a gloriously fulfilling celebratory circle-jerk for not ‘killing the hostage’ of the global economy, the Senate took a well-deserved two-week vacation. Unfortunately, tradition requires that they come back and find new ways to grab headlines without actually doing anything. While the Senate GOP would like nothing more than to get medieval on Ted Cruz’s ass for dropping their approval numbers slightly lower than a Christmas stocking full of Santorum, our hero Stormin Mormon Harry Reid is going to try to accomplish something, per Politico: Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) said on Tuesday he intends to push ahead on six nominations, several of which are proving controversial among Republicans. What could possibly go wrong?  Read more on Senate GOP Rolls Up Sleeves, Gets To Work Blocking Every Obama Appointment…
  gossip girls

If Harry Reid Doesn’t Have Anything Nice To Say, Come Sit By Us

Harry Reid is telling tales again, and we could not love him more. He’s been fingered (gross) as the gossip girl behind the rumor that Rep. Pete Sessions told Barack Obama, to his face, in the White House, “I cannot even stand to look at you.” Wait a minute, a TEXAN being rude to a BLACK MAN? Unpossible. Is it true? Untrue? There is simply no way to ever know despite the fact that everyone who was actually there is denying it faster than Peter denied Christ. Even the White House is all, “nah mang nah mang no way and stuff.” But they WOULD say that. Because in order not to look like a giant pussy when getting told off in your own Executive Mansion, you would then have to slap Pete Sessions in the face and challenge him to a duel. And really, Professor B. Friedrich Bamzenhauer is not going to murder you unless he puts you into a coma with his droning, lecturing, professory words. But why do we believe Harry Reid? Besides because “we want to”? Let’s sexplore! Read more on If Harry Reid Doesn’t Have Anything Nice To Say, Come Sit By Us…
  meet the new boss

Harry Reid Is Your New Grandmaster Of Senate Chess

Harry Reid is not perfect, as he’ll be the first to tell you. Second to tell you will be your Wonket, your Wonkette, and all of les enfants terrible who would leave comments here, if we allowed those. It’s a three-way tie of telling you second. That said, we can’t think of anyone who’s more responsible for last night’s favorable resolution to the government shutdown/debt limit fiasco than Harry Reid. The Senate’s bill, passed last night by the House and signed by our benevolent dictator B. Barry Bamz, reflected Democratic preferences on the timing of the next debt limit and continuing resolution fights. Republicans also agreed to return to regular budget order, so the next time Congress guts social insurance it will be regular and orderly, thank goodness. Let’s explore how Harry Reid got us here, and why he is your latest nominee for Wonkette’s coveted Legislative Badass of the Year award, which will likely never be awarded, because we forgot. Read more on Harry Reid Is Your New Grandmaster Of Senate Chess…
  same as it ever was

Our Long National Nightmare Put Off A Few Months As Debt Ceiling Raised, Government Funded

On this momentous occasion of the worst possible thing not happening, let’s not concern ourselves overmuch with winners (Democrats, America) and losers (the Tea Party, rank idiocy). Instead, let’s celebrate. Government by extortion has been rejected. A global financial panic has been averted, the United States retains its role as an economic leader, and the dollar remains the world’s reserve currency — for now. Maybe Fitch will still downgrade our credit rating, but who cares? When Standard & Poor’s downgraded us in 2011, borrowing costs actually fell, remember that? Oh, and the same thing happened in Italy. It’s almost as though people don’t trust the judgments of the credit rating agencies who said subprime-backed securities were AAA Would Invest Again can’t-miss licenses to print money. Weird… Where were we? Oh yeah. Democrats win! America wins! Tea Party loses! Ted Cruz 2016! Read more on Our Long National Nightmare Put Off A Few Months As Debt Ceiling Raised, Government Funded…
  here is my offer: nothing

Shutdown Saga Maybe Possibly Coming To An End, Ha Ha, Just Kidding Dummies

Shutdown day 11! Hope you have been getting your Government Shutdown Bonus Card stamped every day, because 12 shutdown days earns you one free voter repression in the swing state of your choice! (Wonkette is going with a minority college kid in North Carolina.) Well, yesterday saw President Obama meeting with top GOP lawmakers at the White House to Not Negotiate an end to the GOP shutdown over repealing Obamacare defunding Obamacare delaying Obamacare stubbornness? Who knows anymore. But good news! “We had a useful meeting. We agreed to continue discussions,” House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) said upon returning to the Capitol. A useful meeting AND more discussions!!1! Just the fact that there is a conversation happening sent stocks rising faster than Rick Santorum’s peener when he dreams of coupling with Ronald Reagan’s corpse. Let’s sexplore what deal may be cooking.  Read more on Shutdown Saga Maybe Possibly Coming To An End, Ha Ha, Just Kidding Dummies…
  what is this bababooey.com anyway?

Deleted Comments Of The Day: President Jesse Ventura Meets Poe’s Law

We know you guys love some good old-fashioned derp in these columns, and we aim to please. But frankly, we have to confess that we can’t quite tell if this item from the comment queue is an actual example of Jesse Ventura-lovin’ wingnuttery, or a clever parody of same. “Shweatypalms” writes, in reply to our recent story about a possible (yeah sure) run for president by the former wrassler, Minnesota governor, and X-Files guest star, with Howard Stern for Veep: Some of these comments can’t be real. Seems like a bunch paid internet trolls. Ventura/Stern would be the best thing in that shit hole called the white house in, idk, 40 fucking years? Poe’s Law strikes again! Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: President Jesse Ventura Meets Poe’s Law…
  quiet rooms

Harry Reid: I Already Compromised With Boehner On Amount Of Funding, In Private, Like A Gentleman

Harry Reid sat down with Dana Bash after he did not actually tell her that he hates cancer kids, but kinda did tell her she was being “reckless and irresponsible” in front of her peers, which was not very nice. Here he leads with: “You know I am not known for being real ‘articulate,'” and no he did not actually do air quotes but we are trying to describe it for you in case you don’t want to watch four minutes of Harry Reid saying all the right things but saying them So Badly. Here’s the main thing, though: People want Harry Reid to compromise with John Boehner? Harry Reid is way ahead of them. Dude compromised in “the first part of September,” which is like, four parts ago! Say what? Read more on Harry Reid: I Already Compromised With Boehner On Amount Of Funding, In Private, Like A Gentleman…
  charm offensive

Harry Reid Won’t Negotiate, Won’t Cure Childhood Cancer, Won’t Quit Being Awesome

So far this has been a week of shaking our heads at flop-sweating Republicans twisting themselves into rhetorical pretzels as they try to explain why this government shutdown that is very obviously their fault is not actually their fault. Meanwhile, the conservative press has been laboring dutifully to record any equivalent cringe-worthy word salad from Democrats, and it looks like the Washington Free Beacon has got a live one! Here’s Harry Reid telling Dana Bash to tell all the cancer kids to go Cheney themselves after Bash asked a question about a standalone bill to fund the National Institute of Health: BASH: But if you can help one child who has cancer, why wouldn’t you do it? REID: Why would we want to do that? I have 1,100 people at Nellis Air Force base that are sitting home. They have a few problems of their own. This is — to have someone of your intelligence to suggest such a thing maybe means you’re irresponsible and reckless – BASH: I’m just asking a question. Aw, Harry Reid made Dana Bash blush with his ornery badgering charm. But really — why would Harry Reid want to do that? Do kids vote? Do kids make political contributions? C’mon, Dana, this ain’t your first rodeo. But does she have a GOTCHA? Would you believe NOT AT ALL, because LIE OF OMISSION? POLITICO, make yourself useful: Read more on Harry Reid Won’t Negotiate, Won’t Cure Childhood Cancer, Won’t Quit Being Awesome…
  how can you vote against popcikles & honeycooked ham turkey?

House Republicans Adopt New ‘Cakes We Like’ Strategy For Funding Government

As we roll into a second day of mostly shut-down government, House Republicans have introduced an exciting new way to avoid accomplishing anything useful: instead of passing a continuing resolution (CR) to allow government to function, they’re introducing a number of bills to fund popular chunks of the federal government, like national parks, the Department of Veterans Affairs and municipal operations for the District of Columbia (OK, maybe not that popular nationwide, but members of Congress don’t like it if their trash isn’t picked up). Apparently the goal is to try to embarrass Democrats by offering to fund stuff that everyone agrees is good and nice while holding the rest of the government’s funding hostage in an attempt to defund or delay Obamacare. Oh look, here is Yr Doktor Zoom’s very own congresscritter, Mike Simpson, telling Democrats to recognize that a law passed in 2010 is still open to negotiation: “What you need to do is quit holding the national parks, the Smithsonian, the Holocaust Museum and others hostage to your desire to shut down the government — that’s what’s going on here,” he said. “You think we’re holding the Affordable Health Care Act hostage? You’re holding our national parks hostage.” Simpson’s campaign staff is already printing up the bumper stickers that say “I know you are but what am I?” Read more on House Republicans Adopt New ‘Cakes We Like’ Strategy For Funding Government…
  man is that chicken tired

Your Morning Wonkdate On Congress’s Continued Fight For Title Of Most Embarrassing National Legislature

Wow you guys, yesterday sure was a fun day for democracy and we have so much to talk about this morning! What was your favorite part of the great SHUTDOWNGHAZI!!1!!??? Was it that time when the Senate, a body not known for moving with anything approaching alacrity, took less than an hour to strip three amendments from a House continuing resolution and send it back to the unruly chamber accompanied by a sneer and two giant raised middle fingers from Harry “The Stormin’ Mormon” Reid? Was it Peter King – Peter King and no we don’t mean the Sports Illustrated guy – briefly almost becoming the voice of reason and leading a revolt of moderates in getting a “clean” CR through the House? Was it the House Rules Committee meeting that apparently devolved into a sixth-grade girls locker room, with tired (and possibly drunk) representatives just stone-cold hurling insults at each other? (Rep. Jim McGovern, to whom we are sending reelection monies posthaste, told the GOP members on the committee that “people in your party should put grown-up pants on” and also wanted to know if “your Senator from Texas” had signed off on the plan they were debating. Meow, kitty can scratch!) Read more on Your Morning Wonkdate On Congress’s Continued Fight For Title Of Most Embarrassing National Legislature…
  no need for women's bodies to shut this thing down

Government Shutdown Saga, Part Eleventy-Flurve

Whoever said that manufacturing was dead was clearly not in the “Congressional crisis” industry. You may have thought that supply was low, or that demand was waning, but Congress is back yet again to manufacture another crisis and shove it down your throat, whether you want it or not. What are we collectively gagging on this week? Government shutdown! Hoorah! We already told you what was gonna happen if/when the government shuts down, but there are so many fun tidbits that it didn’t all fit in one post. Ready for Round 2?  Read more on Government Shutdown Saga, Part Eleventy-Flurve…
  against it before he was for it before he's against it again

Ted Cruz Bravely Joins Senate In Passing Bill He Yammered Against For 21 Hours

During his 21-hour not-quite filibuster, Senator Ted Cruz (R-Alberta) warned that “Any senator who votes [to allow debate on the House continuing resolution to fund the government] is voting to give Harry Reid the authority to fund Obamacare” because, of course, once debate was allowed, then Reid could strip the language defunding Obamacare from the bill and send it back to the House. Because even if he had to stand alone, he would very definitely take his stand to stop that terrible usurpation of liberty. And then two hours after his brave failibuster, he joined the rest of the Senate, which voted 100-0 to move the bill forward. Read more on Ted Cruz Bravely Joins Senate In Passing Bill He Yammered Against For 21 Hours…
  world's worst deliberative body

Are We There Yet? Ted Cruz FINALLY Shuts Up Whining About Obamacare

After sleeping and dreaming of Canadians stabbing our ears with nasal whining, we unfortunately woke up to Ted Cruz still rambling on the teevee, somewhat incoherently, about how Obamacare is the love child of a threesome between the Plague, Hitler’s mustache, and Nickleback. Because we hate ourselves and love Our Glorious Reader all too much, we continued to listen.  Read more on Are We There Yet? Ted Cruz FINALLY Shuts Up Whining About Obamacare…
  blah blah blah

Ted Cruz Has Fake Filibuster To Create B-Roll For 2016 Campaign

Ok, Glorious Readers, you totally owe us like a gazzilion dollars in donations of monies and/or booze. Because we spent all yesterday afternoon and part of the evening listening to the nasaly, whiny, pompous ass monkey from Texi-Canada, Ted Cruz, mount a fake filibuster about Obamacare. IT. WAS. TEH. WORST. There were several times when sharp objects had to be hurled from the chatcave lest we impale our ears, eyes, and any other sensory organ. We had to endure discussions about Cruz’s father washing dishes, a few references to Nazi Germany (natch), a weird tangent on White Castle, and the continued fact that Obamacare will strangle kittens in the nighttime. Gird your loins, come armed with plenty of alcohol, because we are about to walk you through the world’s worstest fakest filibuster.  Read more on Ted Cruz Has Fake Filibuster To Create B-Roll For 2016 Campaign…
  wonksplainer

Fun & Games, Congress-Style: Government Shutdown Edition

Unless you have spent the last week in a hospital because of overdosing on boner pills, you realize that folks in Congress are working harder than usual to ensure the destruction of the American, and possibly global, economy. Our least-favorite Texi-Canadian ass monkey, Ted Cruz, has been argle-bargling something something Obamacare, filibuster, and shutting down the gubmint, because the GOP is partying like it’s 1995, and all this makes our head hurt and our hand instinctively reach for mommyblogger’s little helper (whiskey). Well, if you are wondering what the hell is going on, have no fear (beyond the fear of imminent economic apocalypse), for we are here to wonksplain all that is going on.  Read more on Fun & Games, Congress-Style: Government Shutdown Edition…
  don't burn that obamacare card quite yet

Ted Cruz Will Not Destroy America To Stop Obamacare, GOP Wingnuts Miffed

You know what’s fun to do? Lie to the American people for months about a government program, get them all hyped up and into a frothing, fanatical tizzy over the notion of defunding said government program, then looking around and realizing that you are just a Canadian-born ass-monkey Senator from Texas and actually have no power to do the thing you have been promising to do forever. At this point, your best bet is to throw your House colleagues under the bus, for freedom. Per Salon: Read more on Ted Cruz Will Not Destroy America To Stop Obamacare, GOP Wingnuts Miffed…