harry reid
Harry Reid Blows Up Time And Space With Voting Procedure Change Thing
Here are some of the news story quotes we woke up to this morning, GAH: ancient tribal casino chieftain Harry Reid “pulled the nuclear option” trick in the Senate and as a result the entire chamber is now “in chaos,” (because it is enveloped in a giant ball of radioactive flames) and the Republicans are [...]
Michelle Malkin Hated Onion Hostage Joke Because It Lacked Democrats
The Onion put out a series of “breaking news” tweets narrating an escalating Capitol Hill hostage situation perpetrated by Republican members of Congress (GET IT??), which the Capitol Police decided to treat as actionable cause for TOTAL PANIC because “satire” is not covered in the police training manual. Hooray, Earth is now sentenced to have [...]
Tom Coburn Derailing Entire Senate Over Funding For Bike Paths
Hey, is there a major important bill that Congress is trying urgently to pass to avoid one or another type of needless catastrophic shutdown? Sure, it’s “a day.” This time: something about “funding for the FAA and highway projects and 80,000 jobs” that is very socialist-sounding, which is mean old coot Tom Coburn’s cue to [...]
Angry David Vitter Busts Out His Best White Guy Jive Talk
Diaperman David Vitter sent this bizarre, victimized email to our inbox explaining to the negative four people who care that he will not be able to host a Saints football game in Louisiana because of Harry Reid being a horrible tool who forces him to do his job occasionally. David Vitter is so mad he [...]
What Is Harry Reid’s Member Doing Still Hanging Around Congress?
Congress is still in session for about 60 seconds a day just to do things like pass a resolution extending the funding for the FAA and block recess appointments, both of which are politically important/ newsworthy but neither of which hold much political comedy. But it has been a whole 3 or 4 days without [...]
Rep. Paul Broun Urges Debt-Addicted America To ‘Give Up Its Country Club Membership’
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy It is more or less redundant for us to type about “debt ceiling negotiation updates,” because in plain English this just means “members of the Tea Party continue to be intransigent dicks.” But the news media is still bravely trying to figure out [...]
Harry Reid Didn’t Even Want To See Those Bin Laden Photos, So There
Senators were already acting like children by pretending they saw (or, maybe worse, thinking they actually saw) photos of Osama bin Laden’s corpse. But now that the White House has reportedly decided to let a select few members of Congress see them, but not the others, it’s elementary school all over again. Harry Reid is [...]
Harry Reid Injured By Stationary Car
Sure, everyone, talk about Osama bin Laden all you want, just ignore that Harry Reid ALSO ALMOST DIED this morning. Whatever would this country do if Harry Reid was not the Senate majority leader? Replace him with Chuck Schumer or Dick Durbin and promptly forget he existed? Yes, probably. But maybe we would take weeks [...]
John Boehner Cries; It’s Beginning To Look a Lot Like Shutdown
Last night, John Boehner and Harry Reid met for the most exciting event in human history: budget negotiations to avert a government shutdown. And Boehner returned to his caucus to deliver the sob heard ’round the country. “He cried, but only briefly,” said “one person at the meeting” to ABC News. Yes, it looks like [...]
Harry Reid Wants To Outlaw All Of Your Favorite Prostitutes
Harry Reid made a special cameo appearance in Carson City yesterday, where he spoke to the Nevada legislature and “an audience that included a legal brothel owner, legal prostitutes and the legal industry’s state lobbyist.” How did Harry Reid win over his whore-loving audience? Perhaps he flattered them with his world-famous compliments? (“It’s a great [...]
Dearly Departed Spending Omnibus Was Not Fit For This World
Just days after it came into our lives, Harry Reid has given up trying to pass the $1.2-trillion spending omnibus, the greatest proposed legislation in the history of our great country. Reid said he would work with Mitch McConnell on a stopgap measure to fund the government for a bit, but how do you tell [...]
Senate Going To Try To Vote On DADT Today, Or Maybe March 27, 2019
Harry Reid is going to finally try to get a cloture vote passed to be able to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell today some day soon, at long last, but there’s a very good chance it will fail, because our modern democracy is so advanced that it doesn’t work and can’t rule on matters of [...]
Hey Hey! Democrats Now Actually Going To Try To Pass Stuff!
In the past week or two, we have brought you some exciting, fun stories about how Democrats were probably going to cave on the Bush tax cuts and probably going to cave on repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” But somehow it has finally started to get through to Democrats that, despite what the Republicans do, [...]
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