Tag Archives: harry reid

  Meet your new surgeon general -- finally

Senate Confirms Surgeon General Even Though He Thinks Murder Is Bad For Children

We start seizing all the guns now, right?
In a stunning and unusual act of doing their job, senators finally confirmed Dr. Vivek Murthy for surgeon general, a position that has remained vacant for more than a year because it’s not like that’s one of those important jobs. Unless, of course, there’s an outbreak of Ebola — or at least an outbreak of Ebola paranoia — in which case, it’s kind of handy to have some dude or dudette already on the payroll, ready and able to explain some basic healthcare stuff to Americans like they’re idiots, which they are, so you don’t have to scramble to appoint someone Czar Of Calming Down Idiot Americans Over Ebolamania. Read more on Senate Confirms Surgeon General Even Though He Thinks Murder Is Bad For Children…
  Every Ted Pat And Harry

Pat Robertson Wishes Ted Cruz Would Settle Down And Be Sensible Like Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson doesn't like these sneaky 'confirming appointees' shenanigans
So here’s more fallout from the maneuvering on the Big Budget Bill this weekend: After Ted Cruz’s diddling with Senate rules opened the door for some of Barack Obama’s appointees to be confirmed, televangelist Pat Robertson decided that he doesn’t like this Ted Cruz fellow’s radicalism, not one little bit. Yes, kids, Ted Cruz is a bit way out for the guy who claims he can steer hurricanes. Read more on Pat Robertson Wishes Ted Cruz Would Settle Down And Be Sensible Like Pat Robertson…
  Here have some news n stuff

Mean Harry Reid Might Make Senators Do Some Work In December

Sooooooooo mean!
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is one mean grinch. Because the Senate, as well as the House of Representatives, has been so busy not working all year, Reid’s threatening to murder Christmas vacation, which for most Americans is maybe a day or two, but for the lazy sacks of lazy in Congress is usually about three weeks. Read more on Mean Harry Reid Might Make Senators Do Some Work In December…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: WTF, Senate Democrats, Part Deux (Video)

Best jazz hands in the business
Rachel Maddow brings us this lovely follow-up to her Tuesday-night WTF at Senate Democrats’ decision to just give up on confirming Loretta Lynch as attorney general. Get ready for more WTF: The Senate isn’t apparently going to confirm any of the 160 Obama nominees, but as a special favor to Louisiana’s Sen. Mary Landrieu, it will schedule a vote on the Keystone XL pipeline, which will of course not actually help Landrieu win her Dec. 6 run-off against Bill Cassidy, because why would oil-lovers go for Landrieu when they can have the guy who actually sponsored the thing in the House? Maybe Senate Democrats are thinking of the upside? Passing the Keystone XL may not really help Landreiu, Maddow, notes, but hey, it will Read more on Morning Maddow: WTF, Senate Democrats, Part Deux (Video)…
  New plan

Democrats Have Great Exciting New Idea: Being Democrats

Here, Dems, is your new business model
Photo by Tim Pierce Here’s an idea that’s so crazy, it just might work! After the thorough ass-kicking the Democratic Party suffered on Election Day, some Democrats are considering the possibility that maybe running “Democratic” candidates who are embarrassed to be Democrats is not the best way to appeal to the Democratic Party. Crazy, huh? With candidates refusing to support Obamacare, refusing to support Democratic policies, refusing to even say “Hell, yes, I voted for Barack Obama because I am a Democrat, DUH,” the new minority is thinking maybe it’s time to get back to being Democrats. Read more on Democrats Have Great Exciting New Idea: Being Democrats…
  We Have Always Been At War With Ebola

Idiots Blocked Obama’s Surgeon General Nominee. Thanks Obama!

We make the *other* poor dumb bastard die of Ebola
Important news from the “I know Obama’s an obstructionist, what am I?” front. Missouri Sen. Roy Blunt explained on Meet the Press Sunday why America doesn’t have a Surgeon General during this here Ebola outbarack: turns out that it doesn’t have anything to do with the National Rifle Association whining that mean old Surgeon General nominee Vivek Murthy will take away all the guns, and Republicans like Blunt vowing to vote against confirming him. Not at all! It’s all Barack Obama’s fault, of course, for being so irresponsible as to nominate someone the NRA doesn’t like: Read more on Idiots Blocked Obama’s Surgeon General Nominee. Thanks Obama!…
  dropouts

Kansas Dems Make Dirty Deal to Defeat Pat Roberts By Quitting

pat says please stay chad
Image via video from roberts.senate.gov Kansas Democrats are calculating, power-hungry animals who will stop at nothing in their quest to deny a fourth term in the Senate to kindly old vagabond Pat Roberts. They’ll make deals with anyone as long as it ends in Pat’s defeat, and they would think nothing of engaging in such reprehensible tactics as sending a letter, notarized, to the Kansas Secretary of State, unilaterally withdrawing from the race. Read more on Kansas Dems Make Dirty Deal to Defeat Pat Roberts By Quitting…
  bring the family

Clip And Save: Your Patriot Bingo Card!

  ATTENTION, LOVERS OF FREEDOM! We assume we’ll be seeing all of you Real Americans Saturday at noon. What’s that? You have plans to spend your Labor Day weekend eating warm potato salad by the lake, maybe burning some lawn clippings in defiance of local ordinances? To that we say NO. We do not give one good goddamn about your pre-marinated grillin’ steaks or your non-refundable cabin rental. Your presence is required elsewhere. Read more on Clip And Save: Your Patriot Bingo Card!…
  Stop making us talk about it some more

Surprise! Mike Huckabee Part Of Democrat Conspiracy To Make Obama Impeach Himself

RINO
We have some BREAKING NEWS to report on the developing story of the vast left-wing conspiracy “scam” to force Republicans to talk about impeaching President Obama even though they do NOT want to talk about that at all, no sir. Seriously, they don’t want to talk about it. They really don’t want to talk about it. Truly, you cannot find a single Republican who wants to talk about impeaching the president. And yet, when asked on Monday whether Mike Huckabee, who supposedly is a Republican, believes the president is “worthy of impeachment,” the Huck did not say, “Don’t be ridiculous, that’s absurd, come ON, man.” Which is what you’d think a so-called Republican would say when asked about impeaching the president, since NO Republicans actually want to impeach the president, wink wink nudge nudge say no more. But, strangely, the Huck did not say that. Instead: Read more on Surprise! Mike Huckabee Part Of Democrat Conspiracy To Make Obama Impeach Himself…
  Bondage and Dummy Nation

Michele Bachmann Has Sick Bondage Fantasies About Obama

The safeword is
The House passed both of its super-tough immigration bills last night, so they can now go home to their constituents and brag about how they stuck it to those scary diseased border-crossing children. And along the way, Michele Bachmann was so excited about the prospect that she dabbled in a bit of rhetorical excess. Yes, we know you are astonished. Read more on Michele Bachmann Has Sick Bondage Fantasies About Obama…
  sit! stay! roll over! good girl

Grifty Tea Party Chick Will Put Ethics Complaint In Harry Reid’s Permanent File

For a bunch of gun-toting, Gadsden-flag-waving, Galt-going, war-loving, Arab-bombing, independent, self-made, self-reliant, pull-themselves-up-by-the-bootstraps tough mudders, the Tea Party sure comes off like a bunch of thin-skinned nancy boys much of the time. Case in point: the ethics complaint filed by the Tea Party Patriots against Sen. Harry Reid for the high crime and misdemeanor of grievously wounding the Koch brothers’ fee-fees. The group filed the complaint with the Senate Ethics Committee (Ethics in the Senate! Stop, you’re killing us!) on Monday. As of Tuesday, there is no word on whether Reid is still laughing uproariously, or if his guffaws have tapered off into the occasional snicker accompanied by an amused head-shake. Read more on Grifty Tea Party Chick Will Put Ethics Complaint In Harry Reid’s Permanent File…
  having a ball

Cliven Bundy Supporter Threatens Harry Reid’s Magnificent Yarbles

Oh man, guys, this Cliven Bundy thing is getting out of control. Despite his blatant racism and strong desire for the government to keep their hands off his welfare cattle, Cliven Bundy STILL has supporters. And not only do they support Bundy being a total moocher, they HATE Harry Reid. And now, these ‘domestic terrorists’ have gone one step too far: They have threatened Harry Reid’s wrinkly, hairy old-man yarbles. NOT HIS YARBLES!!1! Per Mediaite: [Mike] Vanderboegh presented an award “for incitement to civil war” in Reid’s honor and warned the senator, “Don’t poke the wolverine with a sharp stick, Harry, unless you want your balls ripped off.” We are asking Wonketeers to take one of two actions: Either send Harry Reid wolverine-resistant jock straps, or donate to the Wonket Fund To Protect Harry Reid’s Wrinkly Old-Man Nutsack (Suggested donation: $2, one for each yarble).  Read more on Cliven Bundy Supporter Threatens Harry Reid’s Magnificent Yarbles…
  pick a bale of cotton

Cliven Bundy Has Some Thoughts About Negroes (Hint They Are Bad Thoughts)

Grazing fees scofflaw Cliven Bundy must be feeling pretty confident now that the Bureau of Land Management has backed down on seizing his cattle, he’s surrounded by his own armed militia and his heroism has earned him a three-week-long blowjob from the wingnut media. So confident, in fact, that he decided to expound on some other issues that have been on his mind, apparently since at least the 1950s. “I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro,” he said. Mr. Bundy recalled driving past a public-housing project in North Las Vegas, “and in front of that government house the door was usually open and the older people and the kids — and there is always at least a half a dozen people sitting on the porch — they didn’t have nothing to do. They didn’t have nothing for their kids to do. They didn’t have nothing for their young girls to do. And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do?” he asked. “They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.” Yeah, why didn’t those poor blacks in North Las Vegas teach their young ‘uns to pick cotton and then send them to work the fields in some cotton-producing region of the United States? They could have a family life, all sitting around together in a barn or a tarpaper shack at the end of the workday, rubbing their blisters while they sing uplifting songs. Those families that haven’t been sold off piecemeal to other cotton plantations, anyway. Read more on Cliven Bundy Has Some Thoughts About Negroes (Hint They Are Bad Thoughts)…
  don't want to start any blasphemous rumours

Pat Robertson’s God Is A God Who Hilariously Punishes People With Power Outages

So apparently back on Wednesday there was a massive power surge that knocked out power to the US Capitol for 30 minutes or so, thanks to apocalypse-level winds of 47 miles per hour. It wasn’t just the Capitol either, as thousands across the region were affected too. Now, if you are a normal person, your thoughts about this are “weather sucks, man” or perhaps even “wow, severe storms really are getting worse thanks to climate change.” But if you are Pat Robertson, you think that God did this to punish Senate Dems and to show off his wacky side. Read more on Pat Robertson’s God Is A God Who Hilariously Punishes People With Power Outages…
  does getting a blowjob count as job creation?

Harry Reid Wants To Save Nevada Prostitutes From 2016 Republican National Convention

Even though our Kenyan Dictator B. Barry Bamz was re-crowned only last year, it is already time to start thinking about the next Presidential election, which also means it is still time to stab ourselves in the eye with a spork everytime Chris Cillizza soils the pages of the Washington Post with the latest meaningless poll about 2016 hopefuls. But before the GOP can keep minorities from voting in 2016, there have to be official nominating conventions where actors talk to empty chairs or something. Cities fight hard to get picked for the conventions because prestige money. And one city vying for the Republican convention is Las Vegas, Nevada. But our old pal Stormin’ Mormon Harry Reid is throwing some cold water on those prospects, per the Reno Gazette-Journal: “I have been supportive of them on that,” Reid said about the push to bring the GOP convention to Las Vegas, “But that (prostitution) would be an issue.” There are unconfirmed reports that Sen. David Vitter (R-John) is going to personally investigate these prostitutes to see if they will be a distraction.  Read more on Harry Reid Wants To Save Nevada Prostitutes From 2016 Republican National Convention…