Hark, fellow peasants, the House of Lords hath charitably queried its masters and shall permit a rather uncouth “bill of laws” to sully the golden carpets and golden chairs of its exclusive bordello of gold and money and diamonds. We are not worthy recipients of your showerings of mercy, ye angels! MORE »

Democratic Sens. Blanche Lincoln and Mary Landrieu finally called their own bluff and announced at the last minute that they would, controversially, vote to allow the Senate to debate a piece of legislation it has spent most of this year crafting, to help provide affordable medical care to people. What heroes. Their procedural votes for their own party’s major bill cost the nation hundreds of millions of dollars in pork handouts. That’s how Serious About The Deficits they are. MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
As your Comics Curmudgeon demonstrated earlier this year, political cartoonists love butts. Just love ’em! The ass is the most polysemous of images, representing everything from sex appeal to debasement and humiliation to an actual butt. So we’re presenting a panoply of ass shots this week, with a greater emphasis on sodomy. But those of you who aren’t butt fans (even though such a person is scarcely imaginable), fear not! There will also be severed limbs. MORE »

CANCEL YOUR DISCO DANCING PLANS! Whoa it’s a Drudge Siren, who died and what was the hooker’s name? No, damnit, this is a health care update! Harry Reid has filed a motion to proceed with debate on his Senate health care bill, and a cloture vote is scheduled for 8 p.m. this Saturday. This will be the first of two procedural votes requiring 60 votes before a vote on the final bill. Joe Lieberman has said he’ll vote for this one, but three other self-centered liars from “Real America” are still thought to be Wavering. They should come around. If not, your Wonkette will type unusually mean things about them, every day, until they’re voted out of office. [TPM]

• Meet Harry Reid & the Senate’s Health Care Bill: $849 billion, 2,074 pages, no insurance for abortions or illegal immigrants, other characteristics, etc. [CNN]
• Despite really maxing out every copy editor’s patience with the word “contentious,” Hamid Karzai was sworn-in for another five-year term as President of Afghanistan.  [New York Times]
• Eric Holder took questions from 9/11 families about KSM’s trip to New York. [Washington Post]
• Obama wants to do a free-trade deal with South Korea. Give it a week after this thing goes through that “SKaFTA” is not the name of some 16-year-old’s Bouncing Souls cover band. [WSJ]
• Quarantining people isn’t doing much to stop swine flu from killing us all to death. [AP]
• Ireland will not be granted that Fifa World Cup playoff rematch, no matter how unfair the Irish justice minister thinks that handball thing was. [Guardian]

• HERE YOU GO: The ABSOLUTELY TRUE (completely arbitrary) conventional wisdom regarding the CBO’s scoring of Harry Reid’s Senate health care bill has been that it needs to come in at less than $900 billion, or the entire reform effort would collapse, and Trig’s army would finally seize its opportunity cross the Rubicon. The report’s coming out now: $849 billion. Now, for Harry Reid, it’s just a matter of convincing several members of his own party to not join Republicans in a filibuster to block this important bill from reaching an open debate on the Senate floor. Debates have well-known Stalinist agendas, according to a website. [Politico]

Oh look, Harry Reid has filed a motion to bring his health care bill to the Senate floor any day now! He hopes to start the debate next week after the CBO finishes scoring his bill, which has to be under $900 billion, or everyone will die. MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Do you remember ’round about a year ago when it was all “hope and change” this and “yes we can” that, and everything was going to be fixed, forever? Ha ha! Obviously all of our problems are intractable and terrible and nobody can fix them, no matter how nice his teeth are. And so, we must muddle on with our sad, grey lives, turning briefly to media sensations for the brief peaks of joy we used to experience during holiday celebrations or sex. Tune in for more grim tidings, after the jump! MORE »

• HARRY REID DIVESTS HIMSELF FROM BODILY PRISON: Harry Reid said the most awesome thing in a press conference a little while ago: “Joe Lieberman is the least of Harry Reid’s problems.” That’s you, though; you are Harry Reid! And what are Harry Reid’s other problems? Because Joe Lieberman seems to be a significant problem of Harry Reid’s. It’s the clap, isn’t it? You got the clap. Goddamnit, Harry Reid. We can’t have these distractions right now! Pull yourself together, man. [TPM]

• Maurice R. Greenberg, the impossibly geriatric former head of AIG, has been quietly luring young, unsuspecting insurance execs to his new firm. [New York Times]
• Harry Reid promised out loud that the new health care bill will have a public option, which means it actually might! [Washington Post]
• Like half an hour ago, NASA sent the the largest rocket ever (327 ft.) into space. The moon was unharmed. [CNN]
• Starting nowish, a Senate committee will meet for the next three days in order to figure out some tenable clean energy initiatives. It’s bipartisan, because look: Lamar Alexander! [Reuters]
• Over the last three days, 700 adults were arrested in sweeping sex-with-children raids that spanned 36 cities. [Los Angeles Times]
• The Somali pirates not only continue to exist if everyone pretty much ignores them, they also apparently continue to kidnap British people. [Times Online]

We’ve decided to post Harry Reid’s very lively health care announcement for perfunctory “news update” purposes only. But but but! If the Google Ad cycle is feeling generous, there’s a good chance you’ll be forced to watch an amazing ad from “1-800-FIREMAN,” at the beginning. No promises. [YouTube, Washington Monthly]