By the Comics Curmudgeon
Do you remember ’round about a year ago when it was all “hope and change” this and “yes we can” that, and everything was going to be fixed, forever? Ha ha! Obviously all of our problems are intractable and terrible and nobody can fix them, no matter how nice his teeth are. And so, we must muddle on with our sad, grey lives, turning briefly to media sensations for the brief peaks of joy we used to experience during holiday celebrations or sex. Tune in for more grim tidings, after the jump! MORE »

• HARRY REID DIVESTS HIMSELF FROM BODILY PRISON: Harry Reid said the most awesome thing in a press conference a little while ago: “Joe Lieberman is the least of Harry Reid’s problems.” That’s you, though; you are Harry Reid! And what are Harry Reid’s other problems? Because Joe Lieberman seems to be a significant problem of Harry Reid’s. It’s the clap, isn’t it? You got the clap. Goddamnit, Harry Reid. We can’t have these distractions right now! Pull yourself together, man. [TPM]

• Maurice R. Greenberg, the impossibly geriatric former head of AIG, has been quietly luring young, unsuspecting insurance execs to his new firm. [New York Times]
• Harry Reid promised out loud that the new health care bill will have a public option, which means it actually might! [Washington Post]
• Like half an hour ago, NASA sent the the largest rocket ever (327 ft.) into space. The moon was unharmed. [CNN]
• Starting nowish, a Senate committee will meet for the next three days in order to figure out some tenable clean energy initiatives. It’s bipartisan, because look: Lamar Alexander! [Reuters]
• Over the last three days, 700 adults were arrested in sweeping sex-with-children raids that spanned 36 cities. [Los Angeles Times]
• The Somali pirates not only continue to exist if everyone pretty much ignores them, they also apparently continue to kidnap British people. [Times Online]

We’ve decided to post Harry Reid’s very lively health care announcement for perfunctory “news update” purposes only. But but but! If the Google Ad cycle is feeling generous, there’s a good chance you’ll be forced to watch an amazing ad from “1-800-FIREMAN,” at the beginning. No promises. [YouTube, Washington Monthly]

• HARRY REID TO GIVE MERGED SENATE HEALTH CARE BILL DETAILS AT 3:15: Ooh, Harry Reid is going to announce the particulars of his merged Senate health care bill in a press conference at 3:15! Supposedly it will include a public option with an opt-out plan for states (”modest boondoggle”), which is good, considering the alternative would a trigger (”massive, tragicomic boondoggle”). But one can never be sure with Harry Reid! We’re putting our money on the announcement of no health care reform whatsoever, just a 75% cap gains tax cut. [Greg Sargent/The Plum Line]

Violent anti-abortion galoot Randall Terry, as manifested on YouTube by this classically trained thespian, would like everyone to do something this Halloween season: form little backyard parties to burn effigies of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid (as well as any nearby pumpkins! Halloween theme!) Here is the preview of something like that, presumably inspired by the recent fantasy film Inglorious Basterds. [Washington Independent]

• TODAY IN HEALTH CARE GOSSIP: This just reeks of Rahm Emanuel’s farts: “Multiple sources tell TPMDC that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is very close to rounding up 60 members in support of a public option with an opt out clause, and are continuing to push skeptical members. But they also say that the White House is pushing back against the idea, in a bid to retain the support of Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-ME).” Here we will offer a rare moment of positive reinforcement: GO HARRY REID. [TPM]

• Unpopular elected official Harry Reid is just all about including the public option on the new health care bill. [New York Times]
• John Kerry is so busy and fulfilled chairing the Senate Foreign Relations Committee that he totally doesn’t even have time to think about 2004. [Washington Post]
• A team of pilots flying a commercial airliner overshot their destination, the Minneapolis airport, by 150 miles yesterday. The FAA first blamed terrorism but is now blaming sleep, the terrorism of trying to stay awake at work. [CNN]
• Legislation stating that violence against gay people is, legally-speaking, a hate crime is THISCLOSE to becoming law. All Obama has to do is sign the dotted line, which he will. [Los Angeles Times]
• Barry is trying to convince Iran to fulfill all its uranium enrichment needs overseas somewhere. Iran is trying to cultivate an arsenal of nuclear weapons. These things may be mutually exclusive! [AP]
• Britain is still in the midst of its own recession. Ehh, and everyone though the third quarter was going to be the turnaround one for the economy over there. Alas. [Reuters]

• ENSIGN’S PARENTS GIVING MONEY TO MISTRESSES AGAIN: Looks like Nevada’s two biggest money people, John Ensign’s mommy and daddy, are yet again dipping into their retirements for their son’s protection: “Mike and Sharon Ensign, who made waves in July after admitting to giving $96,000 to Ensign’s mistress and her family, each gave the maximum $4,800 in contributions to Reid’s campaign committee in the September, the Senate Majority Leader’s campaign disclosed in its third quarter fundraising report.” So how long have John Ensign and Harry Reid been sleeping together? [CQ]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
What is the most amusing part of the human anatomy? While there are a lot to choose from, I’d have to say the butt, mostly because asses and humor occupy the exact same overlap in the Venn diagram between “sexy” and “gross.” Because our dying media establishment is still clinging to antiquated concepts like “dignity” and “morals” and “for Christ’s sake people don’t want to see naked asses in the newspaper,” most political cartoons do not feature naked asses per se (though there are horrifying exceptions). Nevertheless, political cartoons cannot resist the laugh riot that even the fully clothed booty brings to the table. MORE »

AHHHH. 14-9. So long, terrible Senate Finance Committee! Back to your cornfields, Grassley! Back to your barbwired condo in Hell, Baucus! Back to whatever there is in Wyoming, Enzi! HAHAHAHH– oh god, they have to draft and pass a climate change bill too, don’t they? RATS. As far as health care goes, though: congratulations! Now, after eight months, our beloved bicameral legislature can move on to Step 2. “Step 2,” hopefully, is where they make it a not-shitty bill. This task belongs to… Harry Reid! NEAT. [YouTube, Washington Post]