* Heard on the Hill: Chaos at the Capitol as a crazy woman tries to take a cop’s gun and a bunch of suspicious packages are found…. Steve Cohen is totally screwing Cybill Shepard… “Wryly acknowledging his reputation as a playboy, former Rep. Harold Ford Jr. (D-Tenn.) assured Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley (D) that he has no designs on O’Malley’s teenage daughter.” Ok, WTF everyone… Barbara Boxer: Short! She needs to stand on a box to reach the mic! [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Celebrities, DC people attend another gala… Woman who wrote book about cancer to respectfully cash in on current popularity of the disease. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Those suspicious packages showed up as a bunch of congresspeople were trying to pray or something. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Phil Hare fell asleep during a congressional hearing and C-Span filmed the whole thing… Now we’re on to the “first 100 days” of the Dem congress… The Gridiron dinner won’t have the President and it’s being held somewhere new and no one will go. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: You excited for the Media Research Center’s annual “Media DisHonor Awards”? No? Why do you hate America? [Politico]

* Reliable Source: Marion Barry plays an angel, sings “Stormy Weather” in musical at Lincoln Theatre… Laura Bush’s cancer was “no big deal” … K-Fed was here for some wrestling thing. Also, we’re not supposed to call him “K-Fed.” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: “Draft Obama” group buys some tv ads in DC… Fatcat cigar smokers will find their way around the smoking ban. You’re shit outta luck… Danny Bonaduce does not believe in 9/11 conspiracies… New Ethics Committee chair Stephanie Tubbs Jones “has taken the third most privately paid trips of any member of Congress since 2000.” [Examiner]
* Page Six: “Lisa Belzberg doesn’t like being called the “girlfriend” of Harold Ford Jr.” [NYP]
* Rush & Mollor: Sean Penn “shocked” people by calling for the impeachment of Bush and Cheney in filthy language while accepting a free speech award. [NYDN]

Wonk’d is in a festive mood and the famous-for-DC kids in this week’s installment have been spotted doing the exact same thing you’ve been doing these past few weeks: stuffing food in their faces at a hectic pace. Harold Ford likes upscale chain eateries, Tom Delay indulges his delusions of grandeur by lunching on the Senate side, and actual celebrity Matt Damon drops a few hundred bucks on a dinner he could’ve gotten for $4.99 from a local burrito joint. Lots more, including Dennis Hastert ordering the red and green curry, after you rip open the presents.

MORE »

* Fake Kitty Harris and real Fancy Ford sightings at Morton’s last night. [blah, blah black sheep]
* Plus, Angelina Jolie possibly in town, Robert DeNiro and Matt Damon in Fairfax. [DCist]
* The Smoking Ban is coming. You guys realize this was half the reason we moved here from New York, right? We’d never even heard of a “Wonkette,” we just wanted a smoke with our Manhattan. [hey pretty]
* The WABA Holiday Party is tonight from 5-8PM. [WABA]
* Give yourself that holiday bonus by making your own stationery movies. [Whatever Happened to My...]
* “I like to read the New Yorker and the Writer’s Almanac, play soccer and swim and listen to Beethoven. But I want to cavort naked with a sensual, smart, self-confident woman…” [Craigslist]

• Bill O’Reilly to appear on Dave Letterman show tonight, will be guest reader for “Top Ten Reasons That Bill O’Reilly Sucks Goat Ass.” [Page Six]

• Yellow ribbon redux. [Tales of the Freeway]
• Harper’s bursts your Obama bubble. [The Swamp]
• Michelle Bachmann may be a fool, but she’s “a fool for Christ.” [Boozhy]
• How to steal an election. [Ars Technica]
• “Stop it Chris Matthews. You and people who share your weird, racial paranoia are hurting the country.” [Media Blog]
• Bob Corker’s attack ad on Harold Ford wasn’t pulled because of racism, but rampant anti-Canadianism. [MoJo Blog]
• Lynne Cheney thinks Jim Webb is “full of baloney.” Lynne is proud of never having baloney in her. [Hotline on Call]
• Next week’s fun: speculating about George Allen’s divorce records. [Talking Points Memo]
• Someone on craigslist has a (creepy) thing for the ladies of the Competitive Enterprise Institute. [craigslist]

Rep. Harold Ford tearfully concedes that his interests are as pedestrian and suburban as a normal human American: He is apparently a single man who likes girls and football — whatever, perv! — and enjoyed attending a party where both were celebrated, even if he originally denied it. MORE »

• A time is on the table: more troops may be need in Iraq to assist with stability for the next 12 to 18 months until Iraqi security forces take over. [WP, NYT, USAT]

• All the big names of the Bush Administration made it to the White House lawn for “Radio Day,” to reconnect with conservative supporters who live in wooded cabins without TV or internet. [WP, WP]
• Only the most broke and desperate candidates want President Bush to appear with them. [NYT]
• NRCC circulates list of 33 that would meet that description. [The Hill]
• Dennis Hastert and Tom Reynolds went before the House ethics committee, offered conflicting stories. Investigation may be winding down, but no answers til after the election. [WP, NYT]
• Tennessee Senate seat hinges on Harold Ford’s ability to woo racist voters on rocky top. [WP]
• Hillary Clinton has Dick Cheney’s vote locked up for 2008. [Reuters]

• What does Harold Ford do at Playboy mansion parties? “What happens in the grotto, stays in the grotto.” [Hot Air]

• George Allen writes (!) a post to make sure the blogosphere, “a powerful new branch of the media,” knows that he cosponsored the “Porkbusters” bill — along with 48 other Senators. [Redstate]
• Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama: the immovable object meets the unstoppable force. [The Gaggle]
• Rick Santorum is back on the “Democrats are Nazi appeasers” hobby horse, displays Winston Churchill book with pages stuck together. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Sapped of his Joementum, Lieberman now ripping off Richard Nixon’s old Vietnam talking points. [YouTube]
• Blogger makes love to Excel, assigns arithmetical values to each member of Congress. [The Right Place]
• State Department makes sure soldiers in Baghdad can vote to keep Foley’s seat Republican. [Think Progress]

The Tennessee Senate race between Democrat Harold Ford and Republican Bob Corker is really damn close. Ford, unmarried, does have a bit of a thing for white girls. But because both candidates are pretending that this is about Iraq or some other bullshit like that, Corker has to pretend to “distance” himself from ads like the one above, in which, yes, the terrifying spectre of Harold Ford cavorting with dangerously pale models and strippers is suggested — briefly, but a little too obviously.

Ford responded by crashing Corker’s press conference, which is pretty cool. Ford was ostensibly upset because of Corker’s ad trashing Ford’s family (which painted the other Fords as somehow lazy gadabouts and hard-working corrupt lobbyists). Because everyone’s more comfortable talking about the suggestion of familial impropriety than the race-baiting thing, we’ll compare the Ford and Corker families’ embarrassment potential after the jump.

MORE »

• Illionois Senator and Democratic Dreamboat Barack Obama all-but-announced his candidacy for President this weekend, by not not announcing it. [WP, NYT]

• In Tennessee, former Democratic Dreamboat Harold Ford is running for Senate like a Republican. His opponent is escaping charges of secret Democratic tendencies. [Newsweek, Newsweek]
• President Bush seems convinced that the Republicans are a lock to win it all this election year. Washington asks, is he high or does he know something? President’s dad: Less optimistic. [NYT, WP]
• The Virginia Senate Race may depend on women. Which is a problem for both Democrat Jim Webb and Republican George Allen. [WP]
• The United States will be in Iraq forever. [WP, WT]
• “Polls of white evangelical Protestants show that their support for the Republican Party grew substantially from 1999 to 2004, then began a steady decline.” [Time]

• Clint Eastwood knows that if George Allen was on that Iwo Jima hill he would’ve made sure it was the stars ‘n stripes flying, not the stars ‘n bars. Unless it was the ’70s, then whatever. [Hotline on Call]

• Julia Allison learns via NRSC press release that Rep. Harold Ford is just not that into her. [Julia Allison]
• Laura Bush and George Allen (The Organizer) evite supporters to a grand-per-head fundraiser that apparently does not include dinner. Luckily, all attendees already have the number for the Morton’s in McLean on their speeddial. [The Gaggle]
• Tony Snow channels his best Lawrence Fishburne, “You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.” [Whiskey Bar]
• Wal-Mart’s marketing firm is the Mark Foley of public relations. [Young Manhattanite]
• Overwhelming majority of Democrats feel the #1 issue in the midterm elections is, “What species of alien is Bush really?” [Radar, Hit & Run]
• Dana Milbank: truly in his element when interviewing candidates on how best to promote “man/boy love.” [Hit & Run]