Chris Matthews, he’s goin’ nuts. Meh. Most of the “issues” on this laundry list are trivial, gossipy tabloid fodder. The only Serious policy item would have to be, in Tweety’s words, “Why DID he bow to that Japanese emperor?” It’s unclear which of the Japanese emperors he’s referring to. [YouTube]

Chris Matthews is such a patriot for making America laugh last night before the speech from Bobby Jindal, his Enemy. After ranting about how much he hates Jindal earlier in the night, he “whispered” a comically audible “oh god” as Jindal was walking towards his podium. Chris Matthews is famous for coming from working-class Pennsylvania, so the best rationale for his hatred is probably nativism, especially towards Indians, who sneak into the country to steal medical doctor jobs from the poorest Americans. Nevertheless, Matthews plans to address the “slip” on Hardball tonight (or is it already on? We don’t watch cable news), and an NBC spokesman has offered a quick preview. His explanation centers on some stupid, nonsensical slavery jokes we made last night while mindlessly liveblogging — but he is serious! MORE »

Here’s a clip from the popular Hardball “Sideshow” segment — the part that covers the exact same stuff as the rest of the show but is tagged, arbitrarily, as being super wacky! — in which Lindsey Graham gets really gay about The Stimulus Package, because it doesn’t give Mother any funds with which to buy him a pony. Barbara Boxer shouts “GEORGE BUSH” just to shut him up, and Graham laments that no one ever buys him nice things. [YouTube]

TPM’s excited about this clip, claiming that Salon’s Joan Walsh lays a “smackdown” on Christopher Hitchens… we don’t really see that? It’s just the drunk anger troll pissing off the nice lady. Ha ha, it is amazing how much Christopher Hitchens hates the Clintons. He hates them more than Andrew Sullivan does. Here’s the full clip, in which Christopher Hitchens mentions at least 500 other foreign business ties of the Clintons, and Joan Walsh occasionally chimes in to say “Christopher how could you say that!” [TPM, MSNBC]

Necktie-free boozebag Christopher Hitchens does not like the idea of Hillary Clinton getting her grubby little paws all over America’s foreign policy. Meanwhile, Peter Beinart just shouts and shouts. Why so shouty, Peter? Be sure to watch till the end, when Hitchens’ hair wanders off his scalp and crawls away looking for a cheeseburger. [MSNBC]

Oh look it is your MSNBC friend Chris Matthews, with that dude Craig Ferguson who is very funny but we are asleep (drunk) by then. Matthews is talking about what it felt like to rape Michele Bachmann to death. “Squishy,” he says. “Precious bodily fluids.” Yuck. [Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson]

Charming hairfaced news-geek Lothario Chuck Todd said all sorts of amazing things on Hardball last night about how John McCain and Sarah Palin appear to despise each other, and how their campaign staff are all tired and annoyed and full of hate for the world, and so on. It was wondrously candid! (Chuck Todd is in the tank, obviously.) Of course this morning the blog he co-authors had to run an unattributed sort-of retraction. Full text after the jump. MORE »

This is painful: Chris Matthews spends nine minutes trying to get a straight answer out of McCain spokeslady Nancy Pfotenhauer — she of “Real Virginia” fame. And Nancy makes a fool of herself, because the only other option is to say, “Yes, Chris, for fuck’s sake, we all know Palin’s an idiot, so can we move on? Is it Election Day yet? Can I have my cocktail now?” [YouTube/DailyKos]

The proudly ignorant baby farmer and bold anti-flourescent light crusader Michele Bachmann, Congresswoman from Minnesota, has been horribly victimized by the liberal left-wing anti-American attack machine. All these crazy leftists have been watching this Hardball interview she gave last week and reading the transcript of the interview, and, based on this publicly accessible and quickly verifiable information, reaching easily supportable conclusions! Well she’s had about enough of this nonsense. MORE »

Here’s your video of wacky Michele Bachmann on the Chris Matthews show, talkin’ bout libruls. Barack Obama is anti-American! Nancy Pelosi! Harry Reid! All liberal anti-Americans and yet they are RUNNING AMERICA. Not good! Not a good situation at all. Around 6:30 in this seven-minute clip is when she suggests the media perform a Witch Hunt to determine which members of Congress are “pro-America” and “anti-America.” [YouTube]

Two weeks before Sarah Palin will talk to anyone. It’s like cramming for the LSAT in two weeks, except in this case, the LSAT is “the entirety of foreign and domestic United States policy,” which has nothing to do with The Law. [YouTube]