George H.W. Bush periodically flings himself out of planes to mark the passing of another depressing half-decade in the twilight years of a disappointed old man whose presidency fell squarely into the “unimpressive” column until his son’s presidency showed us what unimpressive was really all about. What this troubled senior needs is not a squad of toothsome paratroopers to strap on his back, but instead a sympathetic ear to listen — truly listen — to his long litany of regrets, starting with how he should have had George W. Bush excised from his nethers before the unwanted growth had a chance to ruin America. [CNN]

Guess what happened on April 14 of years past? Well, on April 14 of 1912, the Titanic struck an iceberg, hooray! And on April 14 of 1846, the Donner Party began their journey to California, hip hip hooray! And exactly a year ago today, your Wonkette shook itself free from the uterus of Gawker Media and just cold went indie — and the past 12 months turned out to be the biggest year ever, in terms of readers and page views and traffic and visitors and even advertising! MORE »

You know what we love more than anything, at Wonkette? Birthdays! Love ‘em love ‘em love ‘em. And there’s nothing better than a sixth birthday. Even better than your fifth birthday! So grown up now, and all blown apart, and god knows how many hundreds of thousands of corpses, and we hanged your fuckin’ dad, ha ha ha. Happy sixth birthday, Iraq War! Weren’t you supposed to be over by now, what with the Hope and all? Maybe when you’re seven-and-a-half, little bitch. Who wants cake? MORE »

An email has been circulating from the RNC asking you to celebrate President George W. Bush’s 62nd birthday, which is happening very soon. You can send him an e-Card with your personal greetings and pictures of your genitals, and maybe he’ll respond this time and finally leave his wife, like he promised you in 1989! THIS YEAR IT WILL HAPPEN, RIGHT? Of course, you are required to donate to the RNC to send your card. A small price to pay! [GOP.com via Washington Whispers]

HEY EVERYBODY IT’S JIM NEWELL’S BIRTHDAY! Wonkette “associate editor” James “Jimbo” Newell is like 19 years old today! Let’s all remember him in the comments today, now that the “good part” of his life is long gone.