Tag Archives: hamburgers

  district of cord

DC Burger Battle Just a Proxy War For Lawyers v. Humans

Besides Bride Wars, Junkyard Wars and Star Wars, my favorite military engagements are burger wars. Lucky for me, and unlucky for dignity, there are actual adults currently waging a burger war in the heart of Dupont Circle, a really sort of fine part of town that idiot teabaggers call a “gay area.” Lawyers are mad at some burger joint and the burger joint people are all, “Screw you, stupid lawyers” — meaning, they lost to the law firm. I am an unpatriotic vegetarian, so it is educational to watch people get angry about the ground-meat sandwiches! Read more on DC Burger Battle Just a Proxy War For Lawyers v. Humans…
  lawyers v. hamburgers

Lawyers Hate the Burger Trend As Much As You Do

The angry lawyers at the law firm Steptoe & Johnson actually SUED the Dupont Circle hamburger shop Rogue States because the alleged smell of burning dead animal was wafting up from the restaurant into the firm’s offices, making the lawyers sick and distracting them from doing whatever the remaining employed lawyers do with their billable hours. And they won: Rogue States is now closed. Read more on Lawyers Hate the Burger Trend As Much As You Do…
  world historic events

BREAKING NEWS: Best Friends Obama and Medvedev Hang Out At The Max

After teasing you with a photo of Obama and a post about Medvedev’s Twitter account, it’s time we finally acknowledge the BIG POLITICS NEWS of the day: President Obama took Russian President Medvedev to Ray’s Hell Burger in Arlington for lunch. You of course remember the top political story of last year, Obama taking Biden to the same place. (Obama must have a punch card for a free burger from there or something). After the jump: HOTT DEETS on what kind of burgers they ordered. You simply must click through! Read more on BREAKING NEWS: Best Friends Obama and Medvedev Hang Out At The Max…
  the horror ... the horror

Monster Island For Sale by Department of Homeland Security

America’s most mysterious animal-disease mad-scientist Military Laboratory, the secret fear factory known as Plum Island, is shutting down and moving to Kansas. Why would a highly secure (?) facility that studies livestock diseases on a remote isle move to the absolute center of the American livestock industry, where one loose spore of Manufactured Anthrax-AIDS-Cancer-Foot & Mouth disease could wipe out the nation’s entire stock of cow anus parts used to make Fast Food Hamburgers? Ha ha, that question kind of answers itself, doesn’t it? Plus, Long Island should not have the exclusive right to be terrified by the kinds of hybrid hell-beasts created by government scientists just for laffs. Read more on Monster Island For Sale by Department of Homeland Security…
  seriously he did

Barack Obama Eats Another Food Item

Oh look, news, Barack Obama ate another hamburger today. Here is eight minutes of Barack Obama ordering hamburgers. He gets jalapenos on his hamburger. Oh my god, he must be in La Raza. Ha ha, hopefully that Ivy League professor will go nuts again. This is kind of exciting, though. Your Wonkette, along with every employee of the Department of Transportation, goes to this very Five Guys like 20 times a week to eat hamburgers. Now it will smell like Obama’s racist condiments, the end. [Famous DC] Read more on Barack Obama Eats Another Food Item…
  forever the idiot

NBC READER COMMENT OF THE DAY: Turns out that when you write a post speculating that Obama visited the hamburger store yesterday to distract the public and media from a top-secret mission to bomb Canada or outlaw the mongoose, some people don’t get the joke. “What kind of right-wing extremist are you, Sara. Statements from you continue to make us intelligent folks wonder why you are still employed. Honestly, ‘If you wake up tomorrow morning to discover we’ve bombed Canada, or outlawed the mongoose, well then there’s your answer. Till then: vigilance.’ What kind of drugs are you on? Vigilance against what and by whom? A great president who is an honest, life loving, regular guy? Forever the idiot, Sara.” [NBC Miami] Read more on …
  meat is murder

Oh Yes, Uhh, Barack Obama And Joe Biden Ate Hamburgers

The biggest political news of the day is that Barack Obama and Joe Biden made local traffic more miserable than usual because they were stoned (for Cinco de Mayo) and wanted rich-people hamburgers at a gourmet junk food restaurant in Northern Virginia. “Oh my God I love that we have a cool president who just goes out to get a hamburger,” etc. Communist Country operative “Lillian” sends in this photo of the Presidential Limo and saves us all from having to read the necessary Politico analysis: “Our esteemed president was slummin’ it at Ray’s Hell Burgers in Arlington during lunch time this afternoon. This could be a strategic move to offset his recent arugula eating habits at the fancy Citronelle.” But will this be enough to attract the white rural voters who hate him in whatever election? Oh screw it all, the damn Politico video of Barack Obama eating a hamburger is after the jump. Read more on Oh Yes, Uhh, Barack Obama And Joe Biden Ate Hamburgers…