Wonkette

The State Department: on the cutting edge of threat assessment! That is, if our inbox is to be believed… MORE »

The major question facing our nation today is not immigration or war or abortion or how those motherfucking snakes got on that motherfucking plane — no, it’s whether political cartoonists will ever stop making jokes about Dick Cheney shooting a guy in the face. Though, uh, it’s not much of a question, as our resident cartoon expert The Comics Curmudgeon learns this week — the answer is pretty plainly “no.”

Still, though, Today’s Cartoons just really want you to like them. All the cross-hatched bloodshed, after the jump.

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* Oh, the fun we have! Chris Matthews’ friends laughed at Kim Eisler, then Wonkette’s friends laughed at Chris Matthews’ stationery.
* But no one laughed at Jack Kingston’s attempt to cop some street cred.
* Ports, Ports, Ports.
* Having saved David Gregory’s job, we are expecting to be the next recipient of one of his giggly drunk international calls. It’s only fair, Dave.
* We witnessed the all-too-soon end of Take Your Legislator To Lunch day. To everyone’s disappointment.
* Wolf met Jack, and it looks like we made it through the post without a Brokeback Mountain joke! Good work all, drinks all around.
* We called Pat Roberts, and he didn’t seem particularly happy to hear from us. Sometimes we just think funny things…
* They may not be able to convince the International Community that they’re a responsible governing body, but Hamas has convinced 10-year-old girls across the world that martyrs are totally cute.
* Ex-prostitute Tom Malin is not an ex-gay ex-prostitute. He is also, unfortunately, not a Texas State Representative.
* We got drunk at the Press Club! With bloggers! Which son do you think Mrs. Reed is prouder of: Lou, or the one who edits that libertarian magazine?
* Is the military censoring Wonkette? Not exactly, unless you have a pretty liberal definition of “censoring.” But someone doesn’t like us, that’s for sure.
* The State Department is, apparently, a hotbed of bitchy gossip and infighting. Obviously, we’ll be much more interested in it from here on out. U.S. Ambassador to Sudan: “Where’s your prophet now?”
* Is it just us, or were there like fifty identical poll results released this week that were all treated as breaking news? Anyway, we just liked the ones that came with graphics.

OMG BEST WEBSITE EVER
It’s Hamas’ kids’ site. The best proof yet that they’re willing to act as a legitimate Governing body — just like ours! Obviously, we can’t read a word of this, but who needs to? There’s the cute li’l cowboy/mujahideen riding through an inexplicably American Western landscape to do battle with Infidels/Injuns, there’s big-eyed manga Palestinian girl with slinghot, there’s vintage animated gifs (’90s web design is back!), everything about this site is brilliant. We want to join the intifada right now! Maybe we can be in their Top 8! MORE »

And you all thought Clooney was in L.A., getting ready to accept the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor tomorrow night. MORE »

We’ve got our night all planned out. Once we’ve finished the candy we collected from Jesse Jackson’s decimated paper-mache torso, we’ll sit down in front of the ol’ electronic hearth, pour out a drink (Wild Turkey 101, neat), and turn on C-SPAN to figure out the State of our crazy, mixed-up Union. MORE »