Tag Archives: hallucinations

  This pie will give you 'O' face

Have An Orgasm For Jesus With Teresa Of Avila’s Chess Apple Pie!

Today we celebrate the feast of Teresa of Ávila, also known as Teresa of Jesus. Teresa found life in a 16th century Spanish convent too full of gossip and other social activity to be able to really get down to deep thought and prayer, so she took some other bookish nuns to the outskirts of town, where they refused to wear shoes, flagellated themselves, and engaged in meditative prayer. Read more on Have An Orgasm For Jesus With Teresa Of Avila’s Chess Apple Pie!…
  where the sunshine don't shine

Ferguson Police Chief Hallucinated Journalists Who Wanted Cigarillo Caper Tape

Ever have one of those weeks at work? Something goes wrong over the weekend when you weren’t even there, the guy at the top blames you for it, and suddenly they’re giving your job to some jerk you’ve never heard of. By the time you get to Friday, you’re so frazzled that you hallucinate a stampede of ravenous journalists demanding that you turn over something they don’t know you have. Read more on Ferguson Police Chief Hallucinated Journalists Who Wanted Cigarillo Caper Tape…
  comfort & oy

Gretchen Carlson Asks Doctor (Who Is Selling A Book) If Newtown Victims Remember Attack Up In Heaven

Even in the midst of a crisis, Americans can come together and find spiritual comfort buying a line of bullshit from a nice man who sincerely believes his bullshit to be true. That’s apparently why Fox & Friends had neurosurgeon Eben Alexander on their program yesterday, where he described his own “experiences” of Heaven while in a coma caused by meningitis. Alexander, who happens to be hawking a best-selling book confidently titled Proof of Heaven, had the “hopeful” message that the murdered children’s families “can know that those precious souls are cherished and cared for right now.” Comfort is a good product to be peddling at a time like this, and there’s a succor born every minute. Read more on Gretchen Carlson Asks Doctor (Who Is Selling A Book) If Newtown Victims Remember Attack Up In Heaven…
  black iron prison

Comatose Dick Cheney Had Lengthy Dream That He Was Caligula

Sometimes there is a Cracker Jack™-style surprise waiting at the very bottom of another inane New York Times feature about the lifestyles and murderous rampages of America’s political leaders. And your beloved former Wonkette editor Jim Newell found just such a weird treat at the end of this bloodthirsty insanity about Dick Cheney bragging how he also wanted to bomb the hell out of Syria’s brown people back in 2007: Cheney was unconscious for weeks and weeks after one of his pig-heart transplants, and during this episode of Half Death he had a long alternate-reality dream that he was some kind of Roman despot stomping back and forth through an Italian villa. His evil goal? To find the stash of coffee and newspapers that Time Demons had deposited somewhere in Ancient Rome. Read more on Comatose Dick Cheney Had Lengthy Dream That He Was Caligula…
 

Get Your Psychotropic Drugs Free With Each Deportation!

If you’ve ever wondered how to get your hands on some nice whale tranquilizers, wonder no longer: just emigrate to the U.S., get deported, say something inoffensive like, “I would prefer not to return to the Congo, because I am a journalist and they will kill me there,” and a representative from the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency will happily inject you with massive doses of frightening antipsychotic drugs like Haldol. No diagnosed psychotic disorder? No problem! You are still entitled to a horrifying drug cocktail that will leave you immobilized and hallucinating for days while your swollen tongue returns to its normal size. [Washington Post] Read more on Get Your Psychotropic Drugs Free With Each Deportation!…