Tag Archives: halloween

  bad manners

VA GOPers Send Charming Halloween Picture of Obama Shot In Head

The prankster Republican Committee officials of Loudoun County, Virginia decided to invite families to their local Halloween parade this year with a photo montage featuring Barack Obama with a bullet hole in his head, just to inject a little holiday-themed murder fun into the stale mix of vulgar anti-Obama right-wing mass email tropes. HILARIOUS! Read more on VA GOPers Send Charming Halloween Picture of Obama Shot In Head…
  flotus files

Evil Obama Destroys FLOTUS’ Healthy Halloween

The holidays are a difficult time for any couple. In America, “the holidays” usually refers to that special time of year when the baby Jesus returns to cast spells on all the Walmarts so he can watch insane sweatpants-clad parents kill each other over whatever Furby the kids are freaking out about these days. But since the Obamas are secret Muslim devil-worshippers (ha ha, no one knows the difference between these two things) their holiday season is Halloween. Tensions are running high in the Obama household tonight as our FLOTUS’ desire to put America on a diet has been threatened by that other Obama, who is desperately trying to get anyone, literally anyone, to like him, at the expense of his wife’s anti-obesity initiative. Read more on Evil Obama Destroys FLOTUS’ Healthy Halloween…
  this is halloween

Foreclosure Mill Law Firm Costume Fun: Dress As Homeless Families

The first reaction most decent people will have when seeing these pictures of last year’s Halloween costume party at the foreclosure mill law offices of Steven J. Baum is overwhelming disgust and nausea, followed by an overwhelming desire to storm these offices on Monday and “make an example.” But the employees of Steven J. Baum are, ultimately, wage slaves to the institutionalized cruelty and dehumanization that defines America’s economic system. The people pictured here look like legal assistants and secretaries and paralegals and receptionists and file clerks and low-level litigators, all probably underwater on their own mortgages and all much closer to economic catastrophe than they’d care to admit — this firm is in a suburb of Buffalo, after all. It is crucial that the Steven J. Baums of the world force their own wage slaves into opposition against the rest of the nation’s wage slaves. This is why Oakland’s police officers, many of them military veterans, are so ready to viciously attack other military veterans. It’s why a “Tea Party” of Ron Paul supporters was hijacked by the billionaire Koch Brothers and turned into a manufactured outrage of middle-class whites against middle-class whites (and the minorities and lower classes, as always). Read more on Foreclosure Mill Law Firm Costume Fun: Dress As Homeless Families…
  jesusween

Last Minute ‘Sexy Halloween Politics’ Costumes To Ruin Parties and Lives

Oh oh what to “be” for Halloween this year, tomorrow, when the big party happens somewhere? This is an annual problem for America’s infantile, sexually repressed adults — when you aren’t “being anything” during the rest of the year but a consumer schlub scared to death of getting fired from a job you deeply hate — so we are here to help. For example, here’s a super easy “Sexy Newt Gingrich Behind the Zoo” costume you can put together with a real-hair Newt Gingrich full-head mask from the surgery supply store and a bunch of stuffed animals you can easily find behind any hospital. Read more on Last Minute ‘Sexy Halloween Politics’ Costumes To Ruin Parties and Lives…
  rickroll

Here’s the Complete, Hilarious First Rick Perry Ad, Where He’s Dressed as Marlboro Man

Still trying to get Rick Perry’s “sausage rickroll” commercial out of your brain? How about the entire original campaign spot that produced the sausage fest’s closing shots of Perry inexplicably dressed in a full Halloween costume of a cowboy: Read more on Here’s the Complete, Hilarious First Rick Perry Ad, Where He’s Dressed as Marlboro Man…
  uhhh

White Lady Can’t See Why Black ‘Scarecrow’ Hung By Noose Is Racist

A racist nutjob prankster in Brooklyn thought Halloween-tyme would be the perfect occasion to hang a black dummy from a city tree by a noose and hope everyone would pass off a creepy lynching as a spooky “scarecrow,” for laffs and racism. HAR HAR? No, black residents were mysteriously not entertained by the joke, and the cops were forced to show up to cut it down, just like in the olden days. But one white lady wants to know why everyone has to ruin the fun! Read more on White Lady Can’t See Why Black ‘Scarecrow’ Hung By Noose Is Racist…
  because god loves a good penis joke

Wingnuts Plotting To Overthrow Devil Halloween Ritual With ‘JesusWeen’

The fringe end of the Jesus people spectrum is still sore about the unholy existence of patron witch-saint Christine O’Donnell’s annual demonic pagan sex party “Halloween,” so they are heroically promoting a hilarious/doomed Internet campaign to put the “Jesus” back in “Ween” this October 31st. Everyone celebrate “Jesus Ween,” for the kids! Oh sure, it may sound like a creepy Ted Haggard joke, but no: Jesus Ween celebrants are called upon to surprise the costumed child-heathens’ outstretched candy pails with miniature Bibles, which we are guessing will rank right along with the travel-size floss the neighborhood dentist is always giving out. How about a fun “Jesus Ween” commercial, after the jump! Read more on Wingnuts Plotting To Overthrow Devil Halloween Ritual With ‘JesusWeen’… Read more on Wingnuts Plotting To Overthrow Devil Halloween Ritual With ‘JesusWeen’…
  flotus files

FLOTUS Devises Evil Plan to Save Election, Through Exercise

Today, most of America’s children are happily sedated from an all-night candy binge conditioning exercise. They are taking their giant pillowcases of winnings to school and bragging about who scored more free Snickers bars, because that is the meaning of Freedom. But this is not the case for the children who were subjected to a fruity Halloween at the world’s most terrifying haunted house — a big, white mansion inhabited by a socialist Kenyan, his power-hungry wife, and their vicious zombie watchdog, Bo Obama. The Halloween catastrophe gave Michelle a brilliant idea, and now our FLOTUS is spending the next 24 hours weeding out the nation’s fatties, so they can’t make it to the polls. Read more on FLOTUS Devises Evil Plan to Save Election, Through Exercise…
  white house night of horror

Michelle Obama Feeds Children ‘Dried Fruit’ at White House Halloween ‘Party’

Happy Halloween! Did you take advantage of the one day on which you can worship Satan and pass out razor blade candy, without feeling the least bit guilty? Well that’s very comforting, because possibly thousands of small children attended a White House Halloween veggie potluck, and it was probably the worst night of their young lives. There is overwhelming evidence that this so-called White House Halloween Rave was actually just Michelle Obama handing out bags of dried fruit. Dried fruit? (“Muslim Skittles”?) We hope more than anything that those kids chose “trick” and then egged the shit out of the White House. Or maybe they ate all the dried prunes and then took massive poops on the White House lawn, out of spite. That would also be appropriate. Read more on Michelle Obama Feeds Children ‘Dried Fruit’ at White House Halloween ‘Party’…
  cartoon violence

Happy Halloween Midterm Horror!

By the Comics CurmudgeonHooray, Tuesday will be the election, for real! Then we won’t ever have to worry about politics ever again, at least until mid-January, when Speaker Boehner orders us all to be rounded up and put in camps for “security purposes.” But until then, here is a fun cutting-edge political observation for you: did you ever notice that Election Day and Halloween are close together? It’s funny because for one of these celebrations we encourage our children to participate in pagan rites and worship demons, and for the other we elect John Boehner speaker, apparently. Also, both events feature monstrous human-animal hybrids, that people sometimes have sex with! Let’s take a look. Read more on Happy Halloween Midterm Horror!…
  wonkette world o' books

Your Wonkette Guide To Terrifying Halloween Reading!

Rejoice, Wonketeers, for Halloween is nearly upon us! In keeping with the spirit of this sexy witch-burning holiday, Wonkette World o’ Books is going to try something a bit different this week. Instead of reviewing one shameful/inept book, we’ll simply recommend a few different books, none of them explicitly about politics but all helpful in illuminating the Horror and Devilry of our nation’s public life. Read on, and questions will be answered! Questions like: What can studies of witchery teach us about Christine O’Donnell? Also: if Tea Partiers and other folks want to cut government spending so badly, why doesn’t our military save money by becoming more like Dr. Fu Manchu?  Read more on Your Wonkette Guide To Terrifying Halloween Reading!…
  dress up time

Where In DC To Spot Masturbating Witches This Halloween

Would you look at that, it’s time for Halloween. Perhaps you are putting the finishing touches on your Sexy Sarah Palin/Tina Fey Costume, or is that not *in* this year? So maybe you’re going to dress up as the BP Oil Spill? Or a failed mortgage? Or maybe you’ve chosen some other semi-political witty Concept, TeeVee Personality or Event In History for your costume? This Halloween, hopefully you will join us for our First Annual Wonkette Horror Bar Night, but what about after that? Thankfully, we are service-y journalists, so go have a “fun but safe” Halloween by doing what we tell you to do. Read more on Where In DC To Spot Masturbating Witches This Halloween…
  cocktober surprise

Some Weird Guy Says He Got Naked With Christine O’Donnell Once

Who is mackin’ on Christine O’Donnell here in this crappy bar somewhere with Philadelphia Eagles posters on the fake paneling? Why is she rocking the “sexy insect” costume? Didn’t she know Halloween is for Witches? Well, whatever masturbating happened on this night was of the “mutual” variety, according to the anonymous author of this Gawker post about having a “one-night stand” with Christine O’Donnell, America’s sexy 41-year-old Delaware Water Witch. Read more on Some Weird Guy Says He Got Naked With Christine O’Donnell Once…
  ohio is for nazis

John Boehner To Play Nazi Dress-Up With Dress-Up Nazi

Ohio Republican YOUNG GUN (middle-aged white man) congressional candidate Rich Iott is well-known now for the revelation that he likes to spend all his free time wearing Nazi costumes and prancing around pretending to be a Nazi. So obviously no Republican leader would appear in public with this man, correct? WRONG. John Boehner is showing off the moral values he will have as House Speaker, and those values are 1) drinking wine a lot, 2) crying whenever, and 3) the God-given right to wear a Nazi uniform at all times. Thus, on Saturday, mere days before Election Day, but not even on Halloween, Iott is holding an official campaign rally with John Boehner. Good politics or great politics? Read more on John Boehner To Play Nazi Dress-Up With Dress-Up Nazi…