Wonkette

That’s Sen. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska in his budget Halloween costume of Joe Biden in Congress today. Biden may respond in suit by dressing up as a Disgraced Anti-War Republican. [AP]

Yesterday’s Washington Post tackled the awkward question many Americans face every time they go to the mall: Why do 11-year-old girls dress like such sluts? Does it have to do with the Internet, which Brian Williams called “a cultural Wild West” during last night’s debate? Or maybe it has something to do with, let’s see… THE DARK LORD SATAN? If you’re inclined to believe the Christian Broadcasting Network, which we’re not, Lucifer is definitely picking out preteen wardrobes these days — especially on Halloween. MORE »

Happy Halloween, Wonkette readers! Do we have any scary stories to tell for the occasion, you might be asking? Well good gay God, have we ever! In what one commenter has described as “the DaVinci Code of the GOP,” the Spokane, Wa. Police Department’s report on state Rep. Richard “I have not had sex with a guy” Curtis‘ extortion case leaked yesterday. In it, Curtis admits to the police that he did have sex with a “reputed” male prostitute, Cody Castagna (beautifully captured here). But the police report — replete with sting opps, erotic boutiques, cross-dressing, metaphors involving toothpase — makes it so, so much better. If you’re going to read the whole thing, we strongly urge you to take a bathroom break beforehand rather than having to get up in the middle. MORE »

Sweet Ares! We’ve been so caught up covering the conservatives’ Wars on Islamo-Fascism and Anti-Christmas and the liberals’ War on Butter Cow that we missed the most famous nebulous socio-political media war of all: The War on Halloween! Fortunately the Christian Broadcasting Network has an entire Internet section devoted to this, so we can easily play catch up right quick. (Hint: They think Lucifer is behind it.) MORE »

A pre-Halloween poll finds that about a third of people believe they could be ghosts, 23% consider claim to have had an encounter with a ghost, and 19% “accept the presence of spells or witchcraft.” In addition, by 31% to 19%, “more liberals than conservatives report seeing a specter.” Wow, Arlen Specter really is invisible within his party! Wokka wokka. [CNN]

Friday
Halloween @ a theater near you! “As one swift look at our calendar indicates, this weekend you may as well just sleep in costume since there are so many (pre) Halloween parties around it is almost, well, scary. Alternatively though (and this option is starting to seem more and more appealing to me) you can go the route of being scared in the dark, as you did when you were seven.” [BrightestYoungThings] MORE »

Joel Stein has an op-ed piece in the Los Angeles Times today bemoaning the current state of Halloween, in which he laments the fact that the once kid-friendly Satanic festival has been ruinously besmirched by adults running around dressed as sexy nurses, libidinous witches, randy stewardesses, etc. etc. This year, of course, it’ll be even worse when every single party will be befouled by at least one toe-tapping, stall-bound senator. Blah, blah, blah, we hear this stuff every year, right? But then, unexpectedly, Stein comes up with the most wonderful idea! Why not save Halloween for the little bastards by creating a new holiday for adults: Slut Day! We’re listening. MORE »

The drink-soaked popinjay’s latest column for The Observer is so glum that we nearly slit our wrists, and we still can’t figure out what he’s going on about. But he is depressed, and bored, and powerless to control the forces of American idiocy that surround him. Some highlights, or low lights: MORE »