December 11, 2013
With Halloween behind us, there is a crisp, fresh feeling in the air. The kind of feeling that can only mean one thing: time to start capitalizing on other people’s deeply held religi-political beliefs to rake in boatloads of cash. Up in the sky, with a sleigh being pulled by flying caribou, is our favorite [...]
Tipster “Nicholas” writes: Would someone figure this out, and then explain it to me in writing on an internet site? Sure, no problem, “Nicholas!” [watches video] [picks brain off floor] [stuffs it back into skull via nostrils] [passes out] [wakes up in a stranger's bed] [dressed as a minotaur] [me, not him] [has aneurysm] [is [...]
Happy Saturday, Wonkaroonies, and welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, where we stomp on a bunch of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite enough to do a full post on, to squeeze out whatever funny may still be in them. If the mixture tastes a little off, add booze. [...]
Apparently Barack Obama is as bad at Halloween as you Terrible Ones are at caption contests! (Why do you suck, Terrible Ones? WHYYYYYY?) Michelle Obama, meanwhile, at least went as a Mean Girl, with the animal ears but minus the “something slutty.” And to make matters worse, this is a recycled photo from Halloween 2009, [...]
Hey-ho, Wonkerinos and Wonkerinas! Here we are at the day before Halloween, and as usual, some people are just cold insisting on celebrating the coming holiday by hanging bats in their belfries. Let’s have a look: Father Peter Carota is very worried about all this evil Halloweening that otherwise-decent people allow their children to participate [...]
TRIGGER WARNING AND SPOILER ALERT: Both Maureen Dowd and Thomas Friedman appear to be on vacation and did not drop any pearls of wisdom all over this week’s Sunday New York Times. We are disappoint. Still here, though: Ross Douthat, so we’ll get by, God willing. Also, too, there are many things about Halloween, all [...]
From the people who brought you unrefudiated proof that George Bush Sr. was a Nazi infiltrator and traitor to the Republic who was always stone cold drinkin’ tea with Mengele comes this timely reminder not to let yourself get kidnapped by Satanists. Well? You heard her! STOP GETTING KIDNAPPED BY SATANISTS, YOU GUYS.
Oh conservative blogger and Fox News contributor Steven Crowder, Pedobear, really? That is how you are dressed while you steal children’s candy to “redistribute” it to make your waggish point about taxes = theft or whatever your bullshit is today? Sadface, Steven Crowder. Sadface! But let us get on to the “meat” of your “argument.” [...]
We told you yesterday about the (currently unlinkable!) terrible, horrible things RINO New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said about His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney. (Namely, he told him to eat a dick, and had “no interest” in hosting him for a natural disaster photo op. Then he ate the dick of Barack Nobummer [...]
The prankster Republican Committee officials of Loudoun County, Virginia decided to invite families to their local Halloween parade this year with a photo montage featuring Barack Obama with a bullet hole in his head, just to inject a little holiday-themed murder fun into the stale mix of vulgar anti-Obama right-wing mass email tropes. HILARIOUS!
The holidays are a difficult time for any couple. In America, “the holidays” usually refers to that special time of year when the baby Jesus returns to cast spells on all the Walmarts so he can watch insane sweatpants-clad parents kill each other over whatever Furby the kids are freaking out about these days. But [...]
The first reaction most decent people will have when seeing these pictures of last year’s Halloween costume party at the foreclosure mill law offices of Steven J. Baum is overwhelming disgust and nausea, followed by an overwhelming desire to storm these offices on Monday and “make an example.” But the employees of Steven J. Baum [...]
Oh oh what to “be” for Halloween this year, tomorrow, when the big party happens somewhere? This is an annual problem for America’s infantile, sexually repressed adults — when you aren’t “being anything” during the rest of the year but a consumer schlub scared to death of getting fired from a job you deeply hate [...]
Still trying to get Rick Perry’s “sausage rickroll” commercial out of your brain? How about the entire original campaign spot that produced the sausage fest’s closing shots of Perry inexplicably dressed in a full Halloween costume of a cowboy: Thanks again to Wonkette operative “Andrew K.,” who is some kind of video-archive emotional terrorist.