haiti
U.N. Actually Responsible For Something Terrible: Black Helicopters Were Full Of Cholera The Whole Time
Almost 650,000 Haitians have contracted cholera since a giant earthquake struck the island in 2010. This is kind of a weird thing to have happened, since cholera is caused by a bacterium called Vibrio cholerae and not by being shaken around a lot and watching your house fall down. Cholera wasn’t a widespread problem in [...]
Michelle Obama Invites Awesome Haitian Lady To SOTU FLOTUS Box
Your FLOTUS correspondent can smell an ABC Family original movie a mile away, and this one smells like some combination of Ruby Bridges, that documentary about the choir for elderly people, and scallions. It is the story of Desaline Victor. Who is Desaline Victor? “At age 102, it’s possible Desaline Victor is the oldest guest [...]
Japan Raises Nuclear Apocalypse Alert Level
Japan raised the nuclear alert level at Fukushima from four to five on a seven-point international scale for atomic incidents, making this nightmare just two “points” away from Chernobyl! (That’s a nice way to imagine it, in “points.” Just like in College Basketball March Madness!) The head of the International Atomic Energy Agency referred to [...]
George W. Bush Volunteers For Another Icky Hand Job
We are fairly certain that George W. Bush is currently touching stuff in Haiti, but new photos have surfaced that suggest maybe he is also still in Texas shaking hands with troops returning from war, via CNN Hologram. Isn’t it special that George Bush is willing to touch other people, even though he hates it [...]
George Bush Back In Haiti, And This Time He’s Wearing Gloves!
Matt Yglesias illustrates the ironic nature of our permanent occupation of Iraq with a special Alanis Morissette song! [Matt Yglesias] Remember Dan Maes, the Colorado Tea Party man who exposed the U.N. conspiracy that would have forced the entire city of Denver to ride around on an enormous Tandem bicycle? Dan Maes’ comments were taken [...]
The End Times Aren’t Looking So Bad Right Now
The out-of-control Patriot Act allowed one of Obama’s best friends, a BLACK BEAR, to waltz into some poor family’s home, eat their fruit, and steal one of their most precious toys, ALL WITHOUT A WARRANT. [Daily Intel] As predicted in the Bible and on Glenn Beck’s chalkboard, we will all be tattooed with barcodes and [...]
Liveblogging This Election Thing From the Homes of Alvin Greene And Hockey’s Carolina Hurricanes
Some states in our union haven’t learned that runoffs are unnecessary (WE THINK WE HEARD SOMETHING ABOUT THE GUY WITH THE MOST VOTES WINS ONE TIME) and are gay-European, and these states happen to be in very Republican areas of the nation! Results tonight will be COMIN’ IN from the Carolinas, Mississippi, and Utah, as [...]
Obama’s Command Of News Cycle First Thing Of Many To Be Ruined By iPad
For the record, Obama is totally into jobs now, not health care. [New York Times] Obama also called for a repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, which means all those Facebook petitions worked!! [Los Angeles Times] Meet this latest thing you will own! It is called the iPad, and has literally no function other than [...]
Revenge Of The Wrath Of The Return Of The Foreigns
By the Comics CurmudgeonHappy Friday, liberal weenies! Or should I say “suicidally depressing Friday,” because all of you are almost certainly suicidally depressed, what with the naked Republican Ted Kennedies and the coming corporate control of all elections and the bankruptcy of your precious liberal radio station! Anyway, like your liberal weenie foreparents, you will [...]
If Haitians Thought That Earthquake Was Bad, Wait Until John Edwards Exploits Them For A Pathetic Publicity Stunt
Well well well! Well. Well. Well. HMM. John Edwards has arrived in Haiti to do relief work. He is perhaps the only person on Earth right now who can volunteer to bring doctors, food, and supplies to dying Haitians and become more of a monstrous asshole by doing so.
GREAT MOMENTS FROM THE #1 INTERNET BLOG: Mark Krikorian, people. And the italics are, indeed, his: “My guess is that Haiti’s so screwed up because it wasn’t colonized long enough.” Oh my god. “But, unlike Jamaicans and Bajans and Guadeloupeans, et al., after experiencing the worst of tropical colonial slavery, the Haitians didn’t stick around [...]
Help Haiti, But Watch Jersey Shore Too
Thursday, January 21: As the Nation welcomes naked Scott Brown to his seat as President of the Teabaggers, we say goodbye to the fine folks from the Jersey Shore. Tabaq Bistro will recreate the debauchery of these less-than-human characters by showing the finale tomorrow on big screen teevees and providing plenty of drink specials, so [...]
Liveblogging the Death of Socialism, Which Is Ted Kennedy’s Fault
Are you feeling nostalgic for Election Night 2008? This is almost exactly like that night, with a few small differences. For one, it’s again illegal to be black in America, so go back to Socialism-land, Rahm! Also, Andrew Sullivan may move back to Canada, he’s so bummed. There’s also a very good chance the beloved [...]
blog advertising is good for you
