Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

Your elders and betters have no doubt been telling you for years that you need to “face reality” or “wake up to reality” or “join us in the reality-based community” or the like. But if you’ve successfully resisted these reality-focused jibes for this long, you no doubt believe something that we here at Cartoon Violence have held for years: that reality is deeply, deeply overrated, with its wars and suffering and white guys in dreadlocks spreading guerrilla marketing terror. This is one of the reasons we have retreated into the magical wonderland of cartoons, where the pen can bend time and space to its will to make a better world. In the political cartooning sphere, this power is mostly used to completely erase any facts that might undermine the cartoonist’s political point; but sometimes instead it creates a brave new universe where reality takes a holiday and our greatest wishes are fulfilled. This week: political cartoonists dare to imagine awesomeness.

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• Bolton’s still waiting - for a train back to DC, cause his confirmation is dead. [The Coffee House]

• DHS is pursuing criminal charges against a journalist who filmed a “national security site owned by Exxon,” in the wake of Katrina. Spike Lee ponders real estate in Switzerland. [Greg Palast]
• The worst hair on the hill, indexed by species. [Radar Magazine]
• The DEA can’t even seize a bag without the stems and the sticks. [TalkLeft]
• Bill O’Reilly wants to help you through your identity crisis, bowel movements. [Rude Pundit]
• Cindy Sheehan dreams of going Terminator on Bush in his little crib, but she’s clearly not thinking big picture. [DCeiver]
• Sandy Berger is going after ABC to keep a lid on the fact that he couldn’t kill Bin Laden because he was too busy blowing lines off Madeline Albright’s tits. [IMAO]

On Monday, Ken Silverstein of Harper’s told the tale of Representative Jeb Bradley (R-NH), who tends to increase his considerable net worth with each roll call vote (he also does shit like invest in Halliburton while trashing them on the floor). More entertaining, though, was this tidbit:

He once lived in Switzerland and worked as a street magician, returning in 1981 to New Hampshire, where he later opened an organic grocery called Evergrain Natural Foods. Back then, according to people who knew him, Bradley had long, rock-star hair. Think Peter Frampton.

Bradley’s totally bummin’ response, after the jump.

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Photo: house.gov/jerrylewis MORE »

Good morning! Some of you know me as Peteykins while others know me as Princess Sparkle Pony, but through Friday you can call me Wonkette, as the overlords at Gawker Media have plucked me, dew-fresh and daisylike, to fill in for the rest of the week. You’ll have to forgive me because in real life I’m a museum staffer here in DC, so I’m not exactly accustomed to wearing pajamas during the daylight hours, and also, wouldn’t you know it, on the days when I get to be Wonkette, my favorite person to write about, Condoleezza Rice, is nowhere to be found, so I’m in search of other noteworthy hairdo scofflaws to laud. So, seriously, Hill staffers, if ever there was a time to air your coiffure-related gripes, by all means send your tips to tips@wonkette.com.

Congrats to Rudy Giuliani on cleaning up in yesterday’s poll. As we can clearly see above, Rudy’s 1981 hair is easily geekier than Goerge Allen’s contemporaneous ‘do. We suspect the sky-blue three piece suit certainly helped with the overall geekiness, but there’s no denying that that’s a combover that could’ve taken home the prize on its own.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you’re viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

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Hotline, today:
Top, George Allen. Bottom, Rudy Giuliani. But that’s an entirely different poll… MORE »

Is a comprehensive makeover a job requirement for women working at the White House? We previously showed you “before” and “after” photos of homeland security hottie Frances Townsend. And now we have evidence that Townsend’s chief competition for top White House hottie — deputy national security adviser Meghan O’Sullivan, lovingly profiled in yesterday’s Times — has transformed her look too.

As always, the good stuff — the photographic proof — appears after the jump.

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* We say what we mean, and we mean what we say! [Capitol File] MORE »

After two-week sabbatical for reasons of vacation-taking and sickness-having, Cartoon Violence, America’s only regular Editorial Cartoon-mocking column, returns with a vengeance.

Our guide to Today’s Cartoon is, as always, the esteemed Comics Curmudgeon. Join him, won’t you, on a magical journey through French protests, leggy anchors, dirty scary Mexicans, and America’s Sweetheart, Cynthia McKinney. The violence is unleashed, after the jump.

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