Wonkette

Mike Murphy is this Republican guy with crazy hair like Bozo the Clown would have, if Bozo the Clown had very fine straight hair and wasn’t dead. Whenever Mike Murphy shows up on Meet the Press he is wearing some ridiculous plaid jacket and talking actual sense about Republicans, which is unusual. Naturally, he will not be joining the McCain campaign. MORE »

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Good morning! Princess Sparkle Pony here, and I’ll be tarting the place up today and tomorrow as guest blogger. I don’t know about you, but few things are more important to me than what grows out of the heads of the various presidential candidates, and I’m not talking about the extra face on the back of Dennis Kucinich’s noggin (have you ever seen a photo of the back of his head? I didn’t think so.)! MORE »

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John Edwards joined Lance Armstrong for some sort of bicycle race across Iowa today. Edwards was the only candidate to accept Armstrong’s invitation to ride in the Register’s Annual Great Bicycle Race Across Iowa (or RAGBRAI), because the rest of them are too old or too scared of the thousands of dangerous amateur cyclists looking to run down a celebrity or politician. MORE »

* Chuck Hagel will announce his ‘08 candidacy on Monday. Or he’ll do something else. Or he’ll do nothing. [Political Wire]
* Iranian defense minister defects to U.S. with decades of knowledge of government-backed terror operations, secret hummus recipe. [Passport]
* Scooter’s SCOTUS drinking buddies control whether he’ll have new soap-on-a-rope shower buddies. [Inside Court TV]
* It takes more than just a flat head to get Jon Tester’s hair like that. [The Sleuth]
* Air America knows you’re no one until you failed spectacularly, twice. [MoJo]
* Pete Domenici’s new lawyer feels the same way. [TPM Muckraker]
* They may not be real Mitt Romney supporters, but they play ‘em on the Internet. [techPresident]
* Henry Kissinger uses panel discussions on global poverty to get ass. [Radar]
* Monopolist talks competitiveness with communist congressmen — yay America! [The Swamp]

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

Your elders and betters have no doubt been telling you for years that you need to “face reality” or “wake up to reality” or “join us in the reality-based community” or the like. But if you’ve successfully resisted these reality-focused jibes for this long, you no doubt believe something that we here at Cartoon Violence have held for years: that reality is deeply, deeply overrated, with its wars and suffering and white guys in dreadlocks spreading guerrilla marketing terror. This is one of the reasons we have retreated into the magical wonderland of cartoons, where the pen can bend time and space to its will to make a better world. In the political cartooning sphere, this power is mostly used to completely erase any facts that might undermine the cartoonist’s political point; but sometimes instead it creates a brave new universe where reality takes a holiday and our greatest wishes are fulfilled. This week: political cartoonists dare to imagine awesomeness.

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• Bolton’s still waiting - for a train back to DC, cause his confirmation is dead. [The Coffee House]

• DHS is pursuing criminal charges against a journalist who filmed a “national security site owned by Exxon,” in the wake of Katrina. Spike Lee ponders real estate in Switzerland. [Greg Palast]
• The worst hair on the hill, indexed by species. [Radar Magazine]
• The DEA can’t even seize a bag without the stems and the sticks. [TalkLeft]
• Bill O’Reilly wants to help you through your identity crisis, bowel movements. [Rude Pundit]
• Cindy Sheehan dreams of going Terminator on Bush in his little crib, but she’s clearly not thinking big picture. [DCeiver]
• Sandy Berger is going after ABC to keep a lid on the fact that he couldn’t kill Bin Laden because he was too busy blowing lines off Madeline Albright’s tits. [IMAO]

On Monday, Ken Silverstein of Harper’s told the tale of Representative Jeb Bradley (R-NH), who tends to increase his considerable net worth with each roll call vote (he also does shit like invest in Halliburton while trashing them on the floor). More entertaining, though, was this tidbit:

He once lived in Switzerland and worked as a street magician, returning in 1981 to New Hampshire, where he later opened an organic grocery called Evergrain Natural Foods. Back then, according to people who knew him, Bradley had long, rock-star hair. Think Peter Frampton.

Bradley’s totally bummin’ response, after the jump.

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Photo: house.gov/jerrylewis MORE »

Good morning! Some of you know me as Peteykins while others know me as Princess Sparkle Pony, but through Friday you can call me Wonkette, as the overlords at Gawker Media have plucked me, dew-fresh and daisylike, to fill in for the rest of the week. You’ll have to forgive me because in real life I’m a museum staffer here in DC, so I’m not exactly accustomed to wearing pajamas during the daylight hours, and also, wouldn’t you know it, on the days when I get to be Wonkette, my favorite person to write about, Condoleezza Rice, is nowhere to be found, so I’m in search of other noteworthy hairdo scofflaws to laud. So, seriously, Hill staffers, if ever there was a time to air your coiffure-related gripes, by all means send your tips to tips@wonkette.com.

Congrats to Rudy Giuliani on cleaning up in yesterday’s poll. As we can clearly see above, Rudy’s 1981 hair is easily geekier than Goerge Allen’s contemporaneous ‘do. We suspect the sky-blue three piece suit certainly helped with the overall geekiness, but there’s no denying that that’s a combover that could’ve taken home the prize on its own.

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Hotline, today:
Top, George Allen. Bottom, Rudy Giuliani. But that’s an entirely different poll… MORE »