Tag Archives: hacks

  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: It’s Anonymous Versus ‘ISIS’ In Battle Of The Nerds (Video)

Rachel's doing her 'splainer gestures a lot tonight
Monday, somebody claiming to be affiliated with ISIS — or at least friendly to them — briefly took over social media accounts for the Pentagon’s Central Command, and posted some stupid threatening-sounding stuff about jihad, as well as a bunch of documents they claimed were classified, but were actually publicly available information. No real security breach, but weird and scary. Read more on Morning Maddow: It’s Anonymous Versus ‘ISIS’ In Battle Of The Nerds (Video)…
  the michigan mishigas

Michigan Pundit Bloviating On ‘Right-To-Work’ Is Newspaper Union Freeloader, Imagine That

Every so often, in the midst of a great controversy, a very special column must be written. This column must be so earnest and serious and high-minded that it literally says nothing substantial about the issue at hand. It is a sacred piece of journalistic opinion that absolves the best people of the burden of thinking about the contentious issue at hand or its serious real world consequences for thousands of people. Truly, this is punditry’s highest calling — as the intellectual lubricant for the gears of our dysfunctional status quo. The vital task of writing this column about Michigan’s Right to Work law fell to Detroit Free Press business editor and feckless, brown-nosing hack Tom Walsh. Wonketteers will instantly recognize Walsh’s style as that of a second-rate Richard Cohen, if that second-rate Richard Cohen was stuck at a local Gannett daily. The governor’s signature Tuesday on a package of right-to-work bills passed by the Legislature the same day will not trigger a stampede of companies rushing into Michigan to invest and create jobs, as proponents claim. Nor, however, is right-to-work some heinous abrogation of human rights that will be a death knell for labor unions, as opponents wail. So why all the fuss? Read more on Michigan Pundit Bloviating On ‘Right-To-Work’ Is Newspaper Union Freeloader, Imagine That…
  burn her

Michelle Obama Bogarting All The Christmas Trees

Well, this is very sad. Apparently, History’s Greatest Monster Michelle Obama has neither shat upon the face of the smiling Baby Jesus by naming her Christmas trees “holiday African witchdoctor spear missiles” nor covered her Christmas trees in hypodermic needles and Stalin. How, then, is a hack of many talents to take great umbrage with the way the Black Queen decorates for the pagan festival of Yule? We will let hack nonpareil Andrew Malcolm find a way! Read more on Michelle Obama Bogarting All The Christmas Trees…
  america's greatest pundits

The Proper Conservative Patriot’s Take On The Olympic Opening Ceremonies

Poor Jennifer Rubin, the unofficial public voice of the Romney campaign who continues to have a job at the Washington Post. Why doesn’t your Wonkette make fun of her more often? Maybe it’s too easy, but it’s not like that consideration has ever stopped us. Jen Rubin is sad today. Just a few days ago she was crowing, “The Obama campaign can’t bear the thought that the well-traveled Mitt Romney will make a nice impression on his overseas tour” — that the foreigns would instantly fall in love with Romney, a born diplomat. Unfortunately, within his first day or two of his arrival in our Special Friend country of England, Romney managed to insult the nation badly enough to earn a public rebuke from the conservative Prime Minister, the Mayor of London, and every newspaper and television station in the United Kingdom. What’s a Rubin to say now? How about… the Olympics opening ceremony is dumb, anyway, sorta like David Cameron is dumb. Read more on The Proper Conservative Patriot’s Take On The Olympic Opening Ceremonies…
  in this alternate economy superman is evil

Wall Street Journal Has New Theory About Alternate Economies, Universes, That Is Not Stupid at All

It is very confusing to keep up with conservative economic talking points philosophy, because one minute they’re all “deficits don’t matter!” and then a couple years later they turn around and decide that deficits will ruin the U.S. economy, unless the deficit came from tax cuts for the wealthy job creators, in which case they actually don’t matter anymore and might even be GOOD for the economy maybe! And even though conservatives used to yammer on about competition and the free market, Daniel Henninger at the Wall Street Journal has broken it to us that competition is bad too! But only if it’s between the “public economy” and the “private economy,” which we are pretty sure is a completely made up distinction that means absolutely nothing. Anyway, the  history of the “public economy” has something to do with Medicare, JFK, and the Voting Rights Act, and if Barack Obama wins in 2012 then the public economy will win and THEN the U.S. will no longer be the Greatest Country on Earth. Read more on Wall Street Journal Has New Theory About Alternate Economies, Universes, That Is Not Stupid at All…
  sit n spin

Heads The Gop Wins, Tails Barack Obama Loses, The Washington Post Explains

When even Pegs Nooner is left to moan into her (METAPHORICAL!) Vicodin bottle that President Francisco Franco has had a very good day, where can the poor spinmeisters of the Republican National Committee turn for a warm hug of tea and sympathy? Why, the Washington Post’s “The Fix,” of course! While our initial readout in the aftermath of the Court’s decision was that this was a good thing for President Obama and, hence, a bad thing for Republicans, it’s a more intriguing question to debate whether downballot Democrats could pay the price for the Administration’s victory on the health care issue. Is it, The Fix? Is it “more intriguing”? Perhaps you would like to serve up nine paragraphs from a melange of completely honest Republicans with absolutely no reason to try to spin you, about what a disaster the Democrats’ victory will be for the Democrats, before getting to a quote from a Democrat, as if there even is such a thing? Read more on Heads The Gop Wins, Tails Barack Obama Loses, The Washington Post Explains…
  wonkette world o' books

Did Snooki and/or Aliens Write This New ‘O’ Novel?

It’s amazing that novels about Washington DC intrigue get written at all, because the politicians who engage in what the media thinks of as “Washington intrigue” take dullness to unholy extremes. New Obama administration roman à clef O: A Presidential Novel achieves the feat of making these people even duller in fiction than they are in real life, which makes “Anonymous” (Richard Cohen? An intern at Politico? Snooki?) [Mark Salter. Same thing.–ed.] a great talent, like those nameless aliens who built the pyramids. But enough talk about Egypt, because right now our business is history’s most boring novel. Read more on Did Snooki and/or Aliens Write This New ‘O’ Novel?…
  the weagles

Pick the Worst Washington Post Op-Ed Writer!

Here comes a very prestigious honor disguised as a cheap web poll: You will help choose the worst Kaplan College Test Daily News op-ed columnist of 2010 for Wonkette’s first annual Weeping Eagle Awards. What do these five wretched writers have in common, other than being embarrassing hacks who are always wrong about everything, even when they’re just spouting their banal opinions about nothing to fill space and bide time until retirement? Read more on Pick the Worst Washington Post Op-Ed Writer!…
  he is no anthony weiner

Harold Ford Will Save New York, A Place He Has Lived For Three (3) Years!

Ugh, Harold Ford Jr. Remember this guy? Lost his senate bid in Tennessee because of the terrible racist ad that suggested he spent all his free time cavorting nude with loose white women, and then became head of the DLC, at which point everybody realized it was maybe not so bad he had not become a senator? And now he just goes on the cable news sometimes and affably mumbles whatever crap is required to get to the next commercial break? He is thinking about running for the Senate again — this time from the state where all ambitious politicians move and run for senator! Read more on Harold Ford Will Save New York, A Place He Has Lived For Three (3) Years!…
  unfortunate juxtapositions

NYT: Disgraced Alaskan Senator Was A Mummy

Ted Stevens didn’t have a chance at winning his Senate race — not after reports surfaced that the RNC had paid $150,000 for his elaborate pine-tar facials and wardrobe of decaying burlap sacks. Thanks to commenter “belmonttau” for the screenshot. Read more on NYT: Disgraced Alaskan Senator Was A Mummy…
  bill clinton's third term

Obama’s Staff Of Clinton Hacks Is Insufficiently Change-y

Ha ha, remember back in that debate when Barack Obama was asked how he can represent change if his advisors are a bunch of Billary cronies, and Hillary laughed at him meanly, and he said, “I’m looking forward to you advising me too, Hillary”? He wasn’t lying. He has decided to reconstruct the entire foul Clinton repository of hacks, brick by brick, until his presidency culminates in a hasty under-the-desk blow job from a fat chick. Many Obama supporters find this objectionable! Read more on Obama’s Staff Of Clinton Hacks Is Insufficiently Change-y…
  inquisitions

Finally A Journalist Treats Sarah Palin Fairly, Not In-The-Tank-ly

If you haven’t yet read this latest Palin interview with conservative hack Hugh Hewitt, we have some advice: do not bother reading her answers, at all — only the questions. Unlike mean sexist Charlie Gibson, fiery “gotcha journalist” Katie Couric, or any other interviewer that Palin has made respectable, Hewitt’s questions are FAIR to the nice lady. Our favorites include, “Governor, your candidacy has ignited extreme hostility, even some hatred on the left and in some parts of the media. Are you surprised? And what do you attribute this reaction to?” and “Have you and Todd heard from your son? And how is it on your nerves having your son deployed?” [Hugh Hewitt] Read more on Finally A Journalist Treats Sarah Palin Fairly, Not In-The-Tank-ly…
  stfu

A Children’s Treasury Of Ridiculous Excerpts From David Brooks’ Creepy, Incorrect Column Today

David Brooks allows a made-up reader to address him as “Mr. Kierkegaard” today in his column. Here is what “Existential in Exeter” asks Søren Kierkegaard, who is David Brooks, about Culture: “All my life I’ve been a successful pseudo-intellectual, sprinkling quotations from Kafka, Epictetus and Derrida into my conversations, impressing dates and making my friends feel mentally inferior. But over the last few years, it’s stopped working. People just look at me blankly. My artificially inflated self-esteem is on the wane. What happened?” David Brooks gets high and then answers — oh man, does he ANSWER — this question (which he actually wrote to himself after getting high, too). Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Ridiculous Excerpts From David Brooks’ Creepy, Incorrect Column Today…
  milestones

Hilarious Lanny Davis To Liven Up Fox News With Outrageous Lies And Merry-Making

Passionate Clinton promoter Lanny Davis is an endearing toady who wears comical pin-striped suits and says things like “Hillary can still win” while everybody else on the teevee panel laughs and laughs. And now he will bring his wonderful brand of aggrieved DLC hackery to Fox News, where he will get to spend the rest of his days blaming the network’s continuing bedbug problems on Barack Obama and Florida’s half-seated delegation. [Media Notes] Read more on Hilarious Lanny Davis To Liven Up Fox News With Outrageous Lies And Merry-Making…
 

Karl Rove’s “right hand man” (we thought that was Jeff Gannon?) is quitting, too. J. Scott Jennings was known for being involved in that whole U.S. Attorney deal that worked out so well for Rove and Gonzales and a bunch of other hacks, and now he squirms out of the White House to work for some PR company, hooray! [KY Politics] Read more on …
 

Breaking: Bush Appointee May Have Been Unqualified

In a hilarious, madcap mix-up, the Bush administration accidentally appointed an unqualified quack who lied about his credentials and experience to the Department of Health and Human Services as the Deputy Assistant Secretary for Population Affairs, or the “birth control czar.” Dr. Eric J. Hackenbush Keroack has a few important words for you regarding your uterus. Read more on Breaking: Bush Appointee May Have Been Unqualified…
 

Second Life Also Destroys the Environment!

Julie MacDonald, the Interior Department’s Assistant Secretary of Fish, Wildlife and Parks, is in a bit of hot water for, well, the usual cronyism bullshit that every single hack in every single department is guilty of to varying degress. One of the complaints: she was a bit careless with sensitive DoI documents, and, you know, tended to forward a lot of them on to lobbyists and right-wing think tanks. Oh, and random 14-year-old internet nerds. Read more on Second Life Also Destroys the Environment!…
 

Bush Administration Incompetence to Expand Scope Past Atmosphere

Remember Patrick Rhode? He was the former TV reporter who leveraged a job as deputy advance guy for Bush in 2000 (deputy to the guy who makes sure there’s bottled water behind the podium!) into a gig as deputy director of FEMA. Then New Orleans drowned, and Rhode called FEMA’s response “probably one of the most efficient and effective responses in the country’s history.” Read more on Bush Administration Incompetence to Expand Scope Past Atmosphere…
 

Hack the Stick

As a public service we share a reader hint. Entering “mms://160.111.253.227/pandacam1” into browsers (or directly into Windows Media Player) provides a, uhm, backdoor entrance into Butterstick’s lair… which makes it sound like we’re advocating some kind of nasty, “Last Tango in Panda” clip job. But no: It’s the just Stick, in all his fuzzy glory. Sure, laying back with his belly in the air, blissfully dreaming of bamboo is kind of obscene, but it’s not hurting anyone. Read more on Hack the Stick…