We know that at least 89% of you were planning to donate to Norm Coleman’s campaign in Minnesota within the next five minutes but STOP STOP STOP AND BACK AWAY FROM THE INTERNET DONATION FORM!!! Because oh look at this, someone hacked into the Coleman donor list, accessed the *publicly available Coleman donor list* took down every donor’s credit card number and posted it all on Wikileaks in an Excel spreadsheet. Hmm, maybe Norm should take this humiliating opportunity to drop out of that 2008 election in which his loss has already been certified? MORE »

A local liberal media elitist on the HillaryClinton.com mailing list send us this curious message. Hillary’s official email says “Hussein Obama” is a “muslim,” oh noes! Breitbart.tv is the conservative news portal beloved by Matt Drudge and other Hillary Clinton supporters. The Clinton people say they “don’t know what’s going on” but are aware that somebody has been messing with their email, for larfs. UPDATE: MORE »

Several weeks ago, a brave Computer Hacker proved to an anxious nation that at least one citizen still has an operating brain and can use it to crack difficult computer codes like “Where did you meet your spouse?” Authorities believe they have found the terrible miscreant who broke into Sarah Palin’s Yahoo account, and today he was indicted by a federal grand jury. Sounds fancy! MORE »

While FBI and Secret Service agents continue to investigate how Sarah Palin could be so retarded as to choose “Wasilla high” as the answer to her “Forgot your password?” question on Yahoo! e-mail, another (less important) “hacking” has rocked America’s most placid colony, Iraq. The website of Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, the most powerful ever Shia cleric, has been pillaged by a gang of rascally Internet teenagers called “Group XP,” named to honor their favorite version of Microsoft Windows. The hackers have posted on their conquered site a YouTube of Bill Maher mocking the Ayatollah. WE BET THE AYATOLLAH WILL THINK THIS PRANK IS FUNNY AND JUST LAUGH IT OFF. [Colorado Independent]

The FBI and Secret Service have launched a Special Investigation into the important matter of some “hacker” breaking into Sarah Palin’s Yahoo! e-mail and taking a few benign screen shots. Michelle Malkin, Bill O’Reilly et al. have been lambasting our friends at Gawker for posting the screen shots; O’Reilly even said that Gawker owner Nick Denton should be thrown in jail forever. (Maybe? But not for this.) In the meantime, the supposed hacker has released an account of his complicated crime. We should warn you that only advanced computer science-trained minds will be able to understand this, but here goes: the hacker correctly guessed Palin’s simple “Forgot Your Password?” question. Crafty! MORE »

HOPE.NET UN-HACKED: A concerned reader writes, “when I checked this morning, Hope.net now links to BarackObama.com. That seems to prove that the site was truly hacked after all, even though many of the commentators seem to want to believe it was fake.” Ha ha so suck on that, COMMENTATORS. [Wonkette]

A super-secret Wonkette operative informs us that Obama’s campaign recently purchased Hope.net and was set to launch the site before getting foiled by MALICIOUS HACKERS. “After getting the domain and setting it up, well…that shit got hacked and they don’t know how/why and they can’t fix it,” our informant writes. After loading, the page displays some Obama-mocking graffiti and all links redirect to Hillary Clinton’s site. MORE »

That “buy a cheeseburger for Cheney” campaign didn’t really work, and the mean old lunatic seems closer than ever to his Viagra-fever dream of nuking Iran before he’s tried and hanged in Paraguay, so what else can people hope might happen to our greatest ever vice president? The liberal New York Times reports that scientists have figured out a way to electrocute Cheney to death from a distance! MORE »

* Rudy Giuliani, like many Americans, wishes his kids didn’t exist. [Election Central]
* C-SPAN to the USA: “Fuck you.” [Washington Wire]
* “Christians are sort of like a half-assed version of FEMA .” [DCeiver]
* Danish “artists” sneak English acrostic joke past Iranian newspaper editors. [LGF]
* National Review remains prophetic, as ever. [Whiskey Bar]
* Richard Daley promises Barack Obama a vote from every single person who died in Chicago since 1930. [Political Insider]
* Ned Lamont not the elite hax0r you thought he was. [Stamford Advocate]

• Iran already has a nuclear weapon, American military already in country, world fucked, etc. [The Agonist, Think Progress]

• Halliburton is totally fine knowing you hate them, as long as the soldiers keep chowing those so very profitable cheeseburgers. [Americablog]
• Fired Air America talk show host Mike Malloy is now a “l33t hax0r” who wants the “bastard pod-people running our Air America” to rot in hell. [Hot Air]
• Michigan Republican Mike Rogers is totally cool with anal rape jokes, sodomizing strangers. [Livingston Daily]
• Senator Saxby Chambliss knows deep down in heart that the south will rise again, but is still pissed about the last time. [Raw Story]
• Nevada congressional candidates say the darnedest things. [Political Wire]

• CBS News reports, “George Bush spends 58% of US Budget on Whiskey and some Bling for his hommies.” [CBS News]

• Proving that August has been “racism month” in politics for decades, it was this day in 1957 that Strom Thurmond ended his 24 hour filibuster of the civil rights bill. [This Day In Mythstory]
• US uses foreign aid as bribe money to countries on the UN Security Council in exchange for pro-war votes, probably. Maybe. Possibly. [Freakonomics]
• Cenus report on poverty and income released today, but administration doesn’t want you to know that everyone is poorer, unless they’re not. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• McCain bored of dry-humping Bush, headed to South Carolina to make love, sweet love. [Pandagon]
• Now you know about secret holds, and knowing is half the battle. [TPMmuckraker]