• GWU Medical School is just barely accredited, in fact, it is the only medical school on probation, which sounds serious! Naturally, this is where Dick Cheney was taken. [DCist]
• Your Orange Metro Line has a wide stance, but the inspector didn’t notice, and next thing you know, derailment. This inspector was given a “refresher course.” [DC Examiner]
• This lady stole half a million dollars from the Metro by swapping in cash for “Metrocheks,” which are worthless vouchers. She will have to pay back the amount of her illicit Metro bounty in installments of $200/month. According to a calculator, it will take her 208 years to do this. [WTOP]
• A hayride carrying some children crashed into an elementary school. It was a haunted hayride. [Washington Post]
• The Washington Post not only endorsed Obama, it accepted clandestine hush money in exchange for allowing Obama to post partisan advertisements on the despicable paper’s Internet web-site. [Fishbowl DC]

Hey everybody, it’s a Wonkette Contest! Here’s the deal: Beloved blogger/author and Nobel/Pulitzer winner Dave Barry has a new one-man theater/comedy show that’s coming to GWU’s Lisner Auditorium. And two lucky Wonkette readers can go to the one-night-only February 6 performance for free. You can even bring somebody with you, if you know anyone. MORE »

* “DC law requires residents to remove snow from sidewalks and steps within eight hours of daylight after the snow stops. Avoid overexertion when shoveling snow. Overexertion can bring on a heart attack–a major cause of death during the winter.” [DCist]
* “Valentine’s Day is a Christian corruption of a pagan festival involving werewolves, blood and fucking.” [Ross Notes]
* Closing prices from January home sales in Petworth. [Petworth News]
* “GWU IS A TERRIBLE UNIVESITY! Do you know how I know? Because I went there, and I just misspelled UNIVERSITY” [Pop Pop Bang]
* Careful with the mouseovers or you will get nauseated. [Near Southeast Washington DC Redevelopment/Revitalization]

Senator Tim Johnson remains at George Washington University Hospital, recovering from a brain hemorrhage. His condition is more or less unchanged. But the GWU hospital is one of the top in the country at… well, brain stuff. Maybe. We just kinda made that up. But Dick Cheney goes there, and he’s only nearly died a couple dozen times! MORE »

* An open letter to assholes who still have car alarms. [Barzelay.net] MORE »

* The monthly iPod Jukebox at Saint-Ex is running late for both its usual second-Wednesday slot and its anti-Valentine’s Day theme. Go express your disappointment with Hipster scheduling acumen, or go live out your wildest music snob dreams and force a bunch of strangers to listen to your perfectly-crafted playlist. [Upcoming]
* Robert Lighthouse at Chief Ike’s: A scrawny white guy of ambiguous nationality playing two sets of classic Delta blues? We’re there! Seriously, he’s a great guitarist, but just try to place that accent. [CityPaper]
* Wouldn’t it be weird if we recommended that you go to a college basketball game? Go Colonials! [GW Sports]

• Reliable Source: Mark Plotkin wants to see a basketball match between Goergetown and George Washington. . . Little League Softball World Series winners sit for White House photo. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: Sen. George Allen (Vir.), Gov. Haley Barbour (Miss.), Asa Hutchinson, Sen. Bill Frist (Tenn.), Sen. Lamar Alexander (Tenn.), Gov. Mike Huckabee (Ark.), and Mitt Romney have confirmed their attendance at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference. [WT]
• Rush & Molloy: Michael Chertoff defends appointment of Julie Myers. [NYDN]
• Page Six: Gennifer Flowers is “extremely disappointed” her case was dismissed. [NYP]