Wonkette

• D.C. BLOGGER SHOT: Media Consortium reporter Brian Beutler was gunned down in Adams Morgan “pretty much directly in front of Andrew Sullivan’s apartment.” Beutler and a buddy were walking from the Black Cat to The Diner late Tuesday night when two teen-age gangsters tried to mug them, and Beutler was shot at least once. He’s in the hospital, his spleen was removed, and he’s supposed to make a full recovery. Beutler’s been reporting on U.S. torture and the ongoing FISA outrage. [DCist/Reason/Gawker]

They’ve been talking about it for a while, but the ACTIVIST judges of the Supreme Court today struck down Washington, D.C.’s ban on handgun ownership, voting along Ideological Lines. Hooray! Because we all have guns, and now we don’t have to hide them under our pillows with the safety off anymore, which was not safe in the first place. Justice Antonin Scalia’s majority opinion went along the lines of: “If a bunch of blacks in Anacostia shoot each other, how the hell does that affect me, Tony Scalez?” [Washington Post]

It is no surprise that John McCain loves Dick Cheney, ever since their halcyon days of fighting in the Vietnam War, without being captured, saving Jesus from the Commies, together, while on heroin. Just kidding, they were both in some form of jail during Vietnam — one for DWIs, the other for being a failed pilot. But would McCain “use” Cheney in his fake administration, or would he be so foolish as to dismiss Our Vice President’s cosmic approval ratings? MORE »

Here is old Hillary’s mailer about how Barack Obama will cling your guns, he’ll cling’em right into a federal ban! One problem: “The image of the gun pictured on the face of the mailing is reversed, making it a nonexistent left-handed model of the Mauser 66 rifle.” It is a German gun, and the Nazis were also German. [Ben Smith]

For the first time since the Great Depression the Secretary of the Interior is making news with a proposal. The Secretary, whose name is… let’s ask Google… Kempthorne, Dirk Kempthorne, “proposed new regulations Wednesday that would allow people to carry a concealed weapon in some national parks and wildlife refuges.” Someone has been stealing Kempthorne’s pic-a-nic baskets recently, and he is Bitter and Clinging To Guns? Or maybe he’s just going through a terrible divorce/lobotomy. MORE »

America’s favorite buzzkills — the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives — have launched a new advertising campaign in public schools in Tennessee that is sure to stop HOPPED-UP DRUG GUN BUNNIES from shooting their frienemies. The slogan for a series of posters reads, “Be Cool… Don’t Let Guns Rule.” Now all of Tennessee’s public school students are smoking cigarettes, which remains a vital ingredient of Being Cool. [CNS News]

By the Comics Curmudgeon

You may faithfully tune in daily to America’s favorite filthy-minded political blog, but I’m betting that you actually have very little idea about what’s going on in the so-called “news,” am I right? Sure, you could listen to the bloviation on broadcast TV or the high-pitched shrieking on cable, but that will kill your soul by degrees. Wouldn’t it be great if you could get a quick recap of the week’s important stories … in cartoon form? If you said “yes,” then today is your lucky day, my friend. MORE »

Just in time for the November coup by poorly-aging gimp-DILF John McCain, the free states of America are planning to unman our households and militias. Now that Charlton Heston is safely packed in his coffin with a dozen darling rifles, 38 states want to take away our sidearms—those wonderful death-sticks that have for years consoled our bitterness regarding our poverty. (Me, I take my gun to church. Next they will take our nativity scenes and our child brides. Later flesh-coated robots will come and intercourse with our children in the public-private schools.) This initiative is led on numerous fronts: Tiny wonderful oligarch Jew Michael Bloomberg in New York is bullying all of America’s wuss-mayors; and also the extremely liberal Supreme Court is, in D.C. v. Heller, quite possibly planning on taking guns away from D.C. residents, which is exactly where America needs its guns most. You see the larger picture here: we will be defenseless against the bolt-necked army of Cindy McCains. [New York Times]