Tag Archives: guns

  tortured logic

Texas Republican Wishes Americans All Looked The Same, Like The Orientals

Yes, yes it is.
Yes, yes it is. Here’s a new twist, a fun and exciting way for a Republican to lay blame for gun violence on something, ANYTHING, that isn’t spelled G-U-N-S. This time it’s Texas Rep. Pete Sessions, who is NOT, science fact, the same person as Alabama Sen. Jeff Sessions. Maybe they’re sisters! Anyway, why do we have so much gun violence, Rep. Sessions? Oh, it’s diversity, you say? Huh, WTF? Sessions attempted to explain it to radio host Chris Salcedo: Read more on Texas Republican Wishes Americans All Looked The Same, Like The Orientals…
  Mad About A Thing

NRA Dude Hopes Virginia Shooting Victims’ Parents Won’t Be Total Pussies About This

He's weeping, and also telling the NRA to go fuck itself with a rusty dildo.
He’s weeping, and also telling the NRA to go fuck itself with a rusty dildo. After last week’s horrific on-air murder of TV journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward, many people immediately braced themselves for exactly what disgusting thing the NRA would have to say. At first, there were mostly tumbleweeds, but as the NRA is perhaps the most evil institution in all of America, it was only a matter of time! Here’s a disgusting, soulless, stomach-churning response from the NRA’s Colion Noir, who Media Matters reports is part of the NRA’s new campaign to make the organization look cool and hip and “Kids These Days,” as opposed to what it really is — a group of paranoid pants-shitting twats who really, truly don’t cry when your child dies. Read more on NRA Dude Hopes Virginia Shooting Victims’ Parents Won’t Be Total Pussies About This…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: This Is Clearly A Homo-Sexual Web-Page

Nothing classes up the joint like a top hat and monocle
Nothing classes up the joint like a top hat and monocle What a week! Our Deleted Comments queue fairly groans with vast loads of deleted idiocy, and yet, we find ourselves facing quite the conundrum: While we had enormous numbers of deleted comments, not many of them were really all that worth mocking — they were more tiresome than absurd. And yet, we will muddle through, somehow. At least our story on Ben Shapiro’s gay-panic meltdown in response to the horrific shootings in Virginia managed to elicit an eminently quotable comment from “WILLIAM H GATHERCOLE & NORAH G.” They appear to write comments as two people, and really want us to witness the power of their ALL-CAPS USERNAME. The joint Gathercole entity took issue with our highly unprofessional tone and parlance in the piece: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: This Is Clearly A Homo-Sexual Web-Page…
  corporate lives matter

Walmart Pries Guns From Cold Dead Hands, And Other News From Corporate America

friends with benefits
Friends with benefits Good day Wonkette Worker Bees, Wanderers and Prisoners With Internet Privileges. Have you been wondering what your favorite #brands have been up to recently? Well, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve been keeping tabs on all of your favorite corporate persons and are ready to bring you any breaking news on all the big names. It doesn’t matter if it’s The Cute One (Coca-Cola), The Shy One (Koch Industries), The Cool One (Uber), The Sporty One (Monsanto), or The Greasy One (Shell Oil, or is it Walmart? maybe JPMorgan Chase. We’re still working out the kinks). Anyway, if you’re ready to get down with the latest in corporate shenanigans and the people who love to spin them, here we go. Read more on Walmart Pries Guns From Cold Dead Hands, And Other News From Corporate America…
  Get Your Bingo Cards Out

Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo

Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity.
Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity. Wonder why bad things happen to good people? We’ve been scanning the dregs of the wingnuttosphere since Roanoke TV journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward were shot to death while doing a routine interview Wednesday, and you’ll be astonished at the range of reasons it happened. Or you might be astonished, if you’re new to our great nation and its insane politics. Welcome to America! Here, you’ll want this flak jacket. So why did this terrible thing happen? Here’s a handy roundup! Read more on Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo…
  journalism

How We Will Not Be Talking About The Murder Of Two Virginia Reporters

Their loved ones ask that they be remembered alive and smiling.
Their loved ones ask that they be remembered alive and smiling. This is what we will tell you about the two young TV journalists for Virginia station WDBJ who were shot to death on Wednesday, on air. Reporter Alison Parker had just turned 24, and had celebrated her birthday with her colleague and boyfriend, Chris Hurst. Cameraman Adam Ward, 27, was engaged to the station’s morning producer, Melissa Ott. Read more on How We Will Not Be Talking About The Murder Of Two Virginia Reporters…
  Remember When We Thought Sandy Hook Might Change Something?

TV Reporter And Cameraman Shot To Death On Air, Because America

Two more beneficiaries of unrestricted access to firearms
Two more beneficiaries of unrestricted access to firearms A Virginia TV reporter and cameraman were shot dead on live TV while reporting in Moneta, Virginia, Wednesday morning, and it is definitely too soon to suggest that maybe all the guns floating around the nation are in any way a bad idea, because that would be ghoulish. Not nearly as ghoulish as the fact that WDBJ reporter Alison Parker, 24, and cameraman Adam Ward, 27, were murdered during a fluff interview about tourism with Vicki Gardner, a Chamber of Commerce spokeswoman, at a shopping center, but pretty ghoulish, so let’s not talk about guns, OK? Gardner was injured and is in surgery. Read more on TV Reporter And Cameraman Shot To Death On Air, Because America…
  Don't Make Officer Friendly Shoot You

Police Group Suggests Maybe Police Could Try Being A Little Less Shooty, Please

Maybe we could give them axes instead
Maybe we could give them axes instead A national law enforcement organization released an important report calling for police departments to rethink their training and policies on use of deadly force, with less emphasis on “Shoot/Don’t Shoot” decisions and more training on ways to de-escalate situations before a decision to use deadly force ever becomes necessary. The recommendations in the report, from the Police Executive Research Forum (PERF), are wise, humane, and actually give you some hope that America’s police departments could be reformed into something the nation could be genuinely proud of. Needless to say, the report is doomed to be derided by the usual Git Tuff Law-N-Order mob as a bunch of criminal-coddling pabulum, since everyone knows the police are there to bust heads and terminate bad guys, even when they’re 12 years old and not holding a real gun. Read more on Police Group Suggests Maybe Police Could Try Being A Little Less Shooty, Please…
  Clampett Libel?

Armed Idiot Protects Oklahoma Gun Store From Muslims By Shooting Himself

How Not to Protect America
How Not to Protect America In Oktaha, Oklahoma, the owners of a local survivalist shop and gun range decided last week that it was high time to jump on the “Muslim-free zone” gravy train, because there’s a whole lot of ISIS activity in the Muskogee County town (population 390). The owners of the “Save Yourself Survival and Tactical Gear” claim they immediately started receiving death threats — not to mention free publicity — from all over the world after putting up this simple sign in their store window: Read more on Armed Idiot Protects Oklahoma Gun Store From Muslims By Shooting Himself…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Guy Who Murdered Kids Only A Distraction From Planned Parenthood’s Crimes!

My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Steal Your Guns and Destroy Freedom
My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Steal Your Guns and Destroy Freedom Our piece last week on the nice North Carolina dad who was an ardent Open Carry enthusiast (and whose Facebook page was full of pro-gun, anti-Obama, and anti-Muslim messages) who shot his two preschool-aged sons to death drew the usual bunch of Second Amendment defenders who gunsplained to us that the problem isn’t guns — it’s never guns — but it also received complaints from folks with a refreshingly new perspective, if by “refreshingly new” you mean “familiar clichés that we haven’t seen in at least a week or two.” You see, kids, as would-be commenter “Valerie Emmons” informs us, we are actually huge hypocrites for even being the least bit upset about a drunk man who shot his 3- and 4-year-old sons multiple times after assaulting his wife, because we also support a women’s right to choose a legal surgical procedure: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Guy Who Murdered Kids Only A Distraction From Planned Parenthood’s Crimes!…
  Bring your bullets and your Bible

Alabama Church Will Give You Shootin’ Lessons If You Give Your Heart To Jesus

Pastor Triggerfinger
Are you a little old lady who lives round about Chilton County, Alabama, who got a gun for your 90th birthday, because your crazy grandkids never can figure out what to buy for Mee-Maw? Last Christmas it was one-a-them newfangly “mePhones” or whatever they’re called, and now a murder weapon for hunting squirrels? Oh well, better learn how to use it. And wouldn’t you know it, there’s a church for that! It’s called the Rocky Mount United Methodist Church in Jemison, Alabama, and it has a gun range “ministry” in a ditch behind the church, because the serenity of a gun range is a good place to get intimate with Our Lord: Read more on Alabama Church Will Give You Shootin’ Lessons If You Give Your Heart To Jesus…
  Yes Again. And Again.

Open Carry Dude Assaults Wife, Kills Two Sons, Keeps Second Amendment Safe

Nothing funny to say. The boys were three and four years old when their dad killed them.
In what would, in a sane nation, be a national outrage, a responsible lover of the Second Amendment murdered his two little boys, aged three and four, before turning the gun on himself and not quite managing to commit suicide. In a sane nation, there might also be something shocking about this being the second time since December that a vocal open-carry advocate has shot family members to death. But we live in America, so it’s just one more story that we’ll read, shake our heads at, and perhaps wonder if it’s ever going to be time to talk about guns. Read more on Open Carry Dude Assaults Wife, Kills Two Sons, Keeps Second Amendment Safe…
  More Guns Always Help

Armed White ‘Oath Keepers’ Descend On Ferguson, Will Definitely Calm Everything Down

She clearly feels protected
In case you were concerned that the situation in Ferguson, Missouri, might get unpleasant as people mark the one-year anniversary of the fatal shooting of Michael Brown, you can put those worries to rest now: The Oath Keepers have brought their message of paramilitary peace through superior firepower to the streets. But unlike last December, when they invited themselves to perch on businesses’ roofs like snipers, for “security,” this time they say they’re only in Ferguson to protect a “journalist” from Alex Jones’s nutbag website Infowars.com. It’s not clear whether they’ll also try to find some federal jackboots to have a standoff with, or flee when they get “intel” warning of a drone attack. Read more on Armed White ‘Oath Keepers’ Descend On Ferguson, Will Definitely Calm Everything Down…
  But what about all the good guys with guns? Oh the mass shooter killed them too?

Amy Schumer Says Mass Shootings Somehow Involve Guns, Guess She Hates America

Not here to make jokes.
Last week, Sarah Clements, a gun control activist and daughter of a Sandy Hook survivor, wrote an open letter to Amy Schumer, asking her to step up and speak out to try to do SOMETHING about our uniquely American problem with mass shootings, after one of the Lone Wolves from the Lone Wolf Club murdered two innocent women and injured nine others at a screening of Schumer’s “Trainwreck” in Lafayette, Louisiana. Schumer saw the letter and responded on Twitter: Read more on Amy Schumer Says Mass Shootings Somehow Involve Guns, Guess She Hates America…
  None of these are actually legal :(

Here Are 9 More Things For Steve King To Gay-Marry After He Divorces His Lawnmower

Be honest, you're looking at his piece of equipment. His LAWNMOWING equipment.
Rep. Steve King is a glorious fucking numbskull, and he’s willing to prove it on the daily, if that’s what it takes. Having failed to stop the Supreme Court from throat-cramming America with marriage of the EW GAY kind, he must continue to warn America what dark days lie ahead, now that two men or two women can become so gay for one another that they decide to file taxes jointly, ’til death do they part. And what do those dark days look like? Matt Taibbi reported that King, introducing Mike Huckabee in Iowa Thursday, explained that marriage equality means “you can marry my lawnmower.” OH REALLY? Read more on Here Are 9 More Things For Steve King To Gay-Marry After He Divorces His Lawnmower…