guns
Rand Paul Aide Has Cunning Plan To Stop Gay Marriage, Seeks Lions Willing To Devour Him (Updated)
Sometimes, we here at Yr Wonkette poke fun at Christianist America, just for funsies. Any nutjob can believe whatever wackadoodle things floats their boat, and Yr Wonkette would never call for the deaths of Christians. Especially if one of their own is going to do it for us. Ed Brayton is on it like a [...]
Hey NSA, If You’re Reading This Could You Maybe Do Something About All These Gun Horrors? (Updated)
Perhaps you’re aware of the Most Depressing Thing on the Internet, Slate’s running tally of every US gun death since Newtown, which at the time of this writing stood at 4,850 including the six who were killed in Santa Monica in Friday’s ordinary run-of-the mill mass murder spree by a kevlar-clad neo-berserker lunatic. Eleven people [...]
Ted Nugent Is Very Concerned About All This Rape. Of the Constitution. By Libruls.
Constitutional scholar, NRA board member, and serial fact assaulter Ted Nugent, miraculously still neither dead nor in jail, would just like America to know that we do not need to fear easy access to guns by ordinary Americans like Adam Lanza (no prior convictions) or James Holmes (no priors) or Jared Loughner (possession of drug [...]
Never Fear, Arkansas, Your Democrat Senator Will Never Come Between You And Getting Murdered With A Gun
Since it has been about 5 months since the President was inaugurated, it is about 4.5 months past time for the 2014 election season to heat up, because this town runs on scandal, protests, and never-ending electioning. Who’s opening their maggot-laden, corn-fed piehole this week? None other than conservative extremely conservative Republican Democratic Senator Mark [...]
Teen Korner For Teenz: The Cake Is A Lie Edition
In the grimdark grimdark of the grimdark NRA-holes, there is only blame. Specifically, the shift of blame from their heavily fondled lead sprinklers to my precious, precious videogames. Why, you ask? Is it because my fantasy killing of people isn’t real enough for them? No, they just need a convenient scapegoat that those elderly members [...]
Teen Korner For Teenz: Please Don’t Shoot Us Edition
Guns! Can live without ‘em, and with ‘em, well, we can’t live! I tell ya! But however much Obama and the Kommunist Youth are trying to take your second amendment gun fondling rights, you will always be able to keep your semiautomatic lead sprinklers, no matter how much we sensible people might try to grab [...]
Are You Smarter Than These Gun-Toters?
With the astronomical amounts of derp spewing into the atmosphere over the IRS, the AP, and BENGHAZI!!!!11!!!!, it is easy to forget that Americans continue every day to shoot each other with guns in ever more inventive ways. Lucky for you that yr Wonkette is here to remind you that every time you think the [...]
Texas Lawmakers Celebrate ‘Gun Day’ With Gun Legislation Spree
As you probably heard, the National Rifle Association held its annual firearms-stroking meeting over the weekend in Houston. And where a lot of state legislatures would just pass a resolution declaring “Suck My Machine Gun Week” or some such, the Texas House instead celebrated the Holy Armed Presence by passing a dozen laws to make [...]
Boss Hogg Takes Over As NRA President
Alabama, you have given this nation so much: George Wallace, Bull Connor, Roy Moore, insanely restrictive abortion laws, Richard Shelby AND Jeff Sessions in the same Congress, crappy Neil Young songs, and even crappier Lynrd Skynrd responses. Your generosity in contributing to this nation’s civic and cultural life is so vast, we can never repay [...]
Daily Caller: Why Do All These ‘P*ssy’ Journalists Think Five-Year-Olds Should Not Have Guns?
To be fair, because we at your Wonket are always fair, the idiot who wrote today’s Daily Caller masterpiece about “effete liberal p*ssies” (their asterisk) who think five-year-olds should not have guns DOES SAY that if a five-year-old has a gun, he should be supervised. With his gun. Made specifically for children. That the child [...]
Jerry Brown’s Stormtroopers Might Actually Pry Some Guns From Some Cold Dead Hands, and Other Gun News
Hi diddly ho, Wonkerinos! It has been awhile since we submerged ourselves in the crazy world of America’s most prominent and deadly fetish. Frankly, we were feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the stories of people accidentally blowing away their own toddlers while cleaning their shotguns, and then the useless dicks in Congress killed gun [...]
WSJ Columnist Explains Conspiracy Theory for Gabby Giffords Editorial, Crawls Back Under Rock
Since Gabby Giffords reacted to the Senate’s defeat of gun-control legislation with this anguished New York Times op-ed declaring she would not give up the fight, a variety of right-wing pundits have mansplained that Gabby is being “emotional” and not using “logic” and “reason” and is a “bully,” so she should sit down and shut [...]
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Deleted Comments Of The Day: Did Someone Mention Guns?
by Doktor Zoom
Hey, looks like Yr Wonkette wandered onto one of those news aggravation sites again. This time, we had an influx of new readers from the Gun-Fondling community, who simply wanted to have an honest exchange of views on the question of gun safes, until their comments went to moderation like all new comments do, at [...]