Tag Archives: guns

  I Don't Like Gundays

Rick Perry Gives Guns In Movie Theaters Two Thumbs Up

In the not-too-distant future
Former Texas Gov. Rick Perry knows there’s no problem that can’t be solved by the addition of more guns, which is why he claimed Sunday that last week’s shooting in a movie theater in Lafayette, Louisiana, probably could have been prevented if only a whole bunch of people in the audience had been armed. Because in the confusion and panic of a dark movie theater, five or six extra people with guns would certainly have been a big improvement. Read more on Rick Perry Gives Guns In Movie Theaters Two Thumbs Up…
  we are extra adorable this week!

Here It Is, The Most Florida Headline To Ever Florida: Your Florida Roundup

We will begin this week’s roundup with a headline that is too perfect, too resplendent, too quintessentially Floridian, for words: Gunshot victim dropped off at Walmart instead of hospital But because Yr Wonkette pays Yr Florida Correspondent to do words, let us break this thing down nice and slow. Read more on Here It Is, The Most Florida Headline To Ever Florida: Your Florida Roundup…
  He seemed nice

Lafayette Shooter Was Teabaggin’, Gay-Hatin’, Hitler-Lovin’ Fool, THANKS OBAMA!

Just another member of the Lone Wolf Freedom Shooty Brigade Of Lone Wolves
If the online footprint of the Lafayette shooter identified by police as John Russell Houser, who killed two and injured nine others during a Thursday night showing of Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck before then killing himself, is any indication, Obama has really outdone himself in the false flag department this time. What did Houser hate? Pretty much everything that’s good and decent. What did he love? The Tea Party (at least enough to have an account, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center, on the Tea Party Nation website), white supremacy, and also, too, Hitler. Let’s have a look-see, starting with a Twitter account bearing Houser’s name, and with only two tweets: Read more on Lafayette Shooter Was Teabaggin’, Gay-Hatin’, Hitler-Lovin’ Fool, THANKS OBAMA!…
  Guns Don't Kill; RomComs Kill.

Another Guy Shoots Up A Movie Theater. America!

remember, it's all about freedom
It’s been a week since Chattanooga, so we were due for another mass shooting. This time it was a white guy with a gun in a Lafayette, Louisiana movie theater, who shot two women dead and injured nine Thursday night before attempting to flee the theater; when he saw police coming, he killed himself. Read more on Another Guy Shoots Up A Movie Theater. America!…
  He's only racist against Muslims

Florida Gun Shop Will Keep You And Your Treason Flag Safe From Marauding Islamics

He seems nice
Andy Hallinan, the owner of Florida Gun Supply in Inverness, Florida, wants you to know a few facts about Muslims and the Confederate flag, because in his mind, somehow there’s a very important link between all the things he doesn’t like. For one thing, the Confederate flag is not racist or hateful, because just look at Andy Hallinan: He is not racist or hateful, but he does know that America is at war with Radical Islam, and that’s why his gun store is now a “Muslim-Free Zone,” which is a totally original idea that has never been cynically deployed to drive business, for America (and is probably perfectly OK with the Civil Rights Act, we bet). Read more on Florida Gun Shop Will Keep You And Your Treason Flag Safe From Marauding Islamics…
  dispatches from the wasteland

Lady Beaters, Fetus Shooters And Bar Fights: Your Florida Roundup (Is Extra Violent This Week)

Good morning/afternoon/whenever the Wonkette overlords click PUBLISH! This week’s Roundup is brought to you from our couch, because it is way too fuckin’ hot to go outside. (Bring on the Little Ice Age already.) Read more on Lady Beaters, Fetus Shooters And Bar Fights: Your Florida Roundup (Is Extra Violent This Week)…
  It was just a joke you guys!

Gun Humpers Put Away Obama Shooting Targets (For Now), Use Gay Rainbow Flags Instead

What’s the world coming to when you’re a “fitness and liberty” group that’s just trying to organize a “Run ‘n Gun,” which is apparently some kind of race that involves guns (SOUNDS REAL SAFE), and you can’t even post a hilarious picture of two gun-fondling guys standing next to a rainbow flag, advertising “new high visibility targets”? Gah, nobody can take a FUNNY JOKE anymore, can they? Here’s the pic, we post, you decide: Read more on Gun Humpers Put Away Obama Shooting Targets (For Now), Use Gay Rainbow Flags Instead…
  we’re number one we’re number one!

Our Terribleness Is ‘Staggeringly Impressive': Your Florida Roundup

Everybody ride that dinosaur
Thrillist, which is a website you would read if you didn’t spend every waking moment not already set aside for 8-balls and hookers staring lovingly Yr Wonket, puts together these dumb lists every now and again, as websites do. (Thanks for that, Buzzfeed.) And to celebrate Murca’s birthday, Thrillist decided to rank all 50 states based on, well, “everything.” Read more on Our Terribleness Is ‘Staggeringly Impressive': Your Florida Roundup…
  Fear Of Peter King Perfectly Normal

Muslim-Hatin’ Rep: But Are White Terrorists Even Terrorists, Really?

Damn it, denial IS TOO a strategy
Congressfireplug Peter King (R-NY Somehow) was not at all impressed by last week’s report from the New America Foundation, which found that more Americans have been killed by rightwing terrorism than by Muslim extremists since 9/11. King serves on the House Homeland Security Committee, so he’ll have you know that mere numbers don’t tell the whole story, and also the report was carried in the New York Times, so it’s obviously worthless. There’s just no way that white supremacists and sovereign citizens are more dangerous than jihadis, because Pete King does not believe that. Read more on Muslim-Hatin’ Rep: But Are White Terrorists Even Terrorists, Really?…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: The Illiterate, The Perverse, And The Deranged

Just try to keep the Yaks happy
The deleted comments game is a weird business — sometimes you can predict what topics will draw a lot of crazy comments — guns, Islam, and the Duggars, especially — and then sometimes, there’s a huge news story that doesn’t quite bring out nearly as much derp as we expected. For instance, we were sure that we’d be devoting most of this week’s Dear ShitFerBrains to this week’s Supreme Court decisions: Thursday’s Obamacare ruling and Friday’s complete destruction of America via Ghey Marrying. But apparently those were so traumatic that the Usual Crowd was too busy buying canned foods for the bunker and commiserating on rightwing sites. No doubt after the shock wears off, they’ll begin venturing to Wonkette to tell us precisely which torments we’ll all face in Hell. Ah, but we did hear a fair bit about the Confederate flag, so at least there’s that. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: The Illiterate, The Perverse, And The Deranged…
  the apocalypse starts right here right now

Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup

The South Gon’ Rise Again (in a not-racist way this time, honest)
Greeting, Wonketteers. Are you ready to take a well-deserved break from your buttsechs gay marriage orgies and sojourn with me down to Your Very Favorite Land of Snakes and Swamps, a dystopian hellscape that not even Wes Anderson could make adorable? Sure you are! Let’s get to it. Read more on Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup…
  But what about black-on-black crime???

Surprise, America, Your Worst Terrorists Are White Wingnuts!

Not an actual terrorist, just a sympathizer
Here’s something that’s sure to make wingnuts scream about reality’s liberal bias. A new study by the New America Foundation concludes that since 9/11, white rightwing terrorists have been far deadlier than jihadists. Unfair, of course to start counting after 9/11, because all terror begins and ends with 9/11. Also, Fox News is pretty sure there haven’t been any rightwing terrorist attacks at all, so you may want to take these think-tank guys with a grain of salt. Or gunpowder. Read more on Surprise, America, Your Worst Terrorists Are White Wingnuts!…
  america fuck yeah

Rep. Steve King: Who Cares About A Few Massacres When You Have All This Freedom?

Good Ol' Fashioned Nightmare Fuel
Iowa Republican congresscantaloupe Steve King had a few thoughts about Barack Obama’s treasonous attack on freedom last week, when the president said the United States is pretty exceptional, and not in the good way, when it comes to mass killings, and that “this type of mass violence does not happen in other advanced countries.” For one thing, said King on a rightwing radio show in Iowa, it does happen, sometimes, just not nearly as often as it does in the USA — which was Obama’s point anyway. But for another thing, we can’t do anything to prevent it without making America a worser, less Americanly Exceptional Freedom Landy place: Read more on Rep. Steve King: Who Cares About A Few Massacres When You Have All This Freedom?…
  Bad Analogy Theater

Tucker Carlson Revives Hilarious ‘Disarm The Secret Service’ Gag From 2013

Is open carry allowed in theFox studios? Just asking.
On Fox & Friends Saturday, Newstwerp Tucker Carlson had some Deeply Apolitical Thoughts on President Obama’s shocking politicizing of last week’s massacre in Charleston, reviving a completely original NRA talking point from 2013: If Obama hates guns so much and wants to take everyone’s guns away because guns are evil, then why doesn’t he have his Secret Service detail go without guns, huh? HUH? This was generally regarded on the right as the smartest idea ever heard since the last time some knucklehead brought it up. Read more on Tucker Carlson Revives Hilarious ‘Disarm The Secret Service’ Gag From 2013…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: What Did You Do In The Race War, Daddy?

Hey, Sunbutt, it's the Solstice. Go do your job.
You will probably not be greatly surprised that a large number of our deletia this week came in response to stories about the horrific massacre in Charleston. One story, more than any others — about speculation on Fox News that this was a hate crime against Christians — really brought out the trolls, possibly because even though the story noted that the shooter had told a survivor that his goal was “to kill black people,” it was still early on enough that some people were still comfortably in denial. Or just idiots. Read more on Deleted Comments: What Did You Do In The Race War, Daddy?…