guns
Teen Korner For Teenz: Please Don’t Shoot Us Edition
Guns! Can live without ‘em, and with ‘em, well, we can’t live! I tell ya! But however much Obama and the Kommunist Youth are trying to take your second amendment gun fondling rights, you will always be able to keep your semiautomatic lead sprinklers, no matter how much we sensible people might try to grab [...]
Are You Smarter Than These Gun-Toters?
With the astronomical amounts of derp spewing into the atmosphere over the IRS, the AP, and BENGHAZI!!!!11!!!!, it is easy to forget that Americans continue every day to shoot each other with guns in ever more inventive ways. Lucky for you that yr Wonkette is here to remind you that every time you think the [...]
Texas Lawmakers Celebrate ‘Gun Day’ With Gun Legislation Spree
As you probably heard, the National Rifle Association held its annual firearms-stroking meeting over the weekend in Houston. And where a lot of state legislatures would just pass a resolution declaring “Suck My Machine Gun Week” or some such, the Texas House instead celebrated the Holy Armed Presence by passing a dozen laws to make [...]
Boss Hogg Takes Over As NRA President
Alabama, you have given this nation so much: George Wallace, Bull Connor, Roy Moore, insanely restrictive abortion laws, Richard Shelby AND Jeff Sessions in the same Congress, crappy Neil Young songs, and even crappier Lynrd Skynrd responses. Your generosity in contributing to this nation’s civic and cultural life is so vast, we can never repay [...]
Daily Caller: Why Do All These ‘P*ssy’ Journalists Think Five-Year-Olds Should Not Have Guns?
To be fair, because we at your Wonket are always fair, the idiot who wrote today’s Daily Caller masterpiece about “effete liberal p*ssies” (their asterisk) who think five-year-olds should not have guns DOES SAY that if a five-year-old has a gun, he should be supervised. With his gun. Made specifically for children. That the child [...]
Jerry Brown’s Stormtroopers Might Actually Pry Some Guns From Some Cold Dead Hands, and Other Gun News
Hi diddly ho, Wonkerinos! It has been awhile since we submerged ourselves in the crazy world of America’s most prominent and deadly fetish. Frankly, we were feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the stories of people accidentally blowing away their own toddlers while cleaning their shotguns, and then the useless dicks in Congress killed gun [...]
WSJ Columnist Explains Conspiracy Theory for Gabby Giffords Editorial, Crawls Back Under Rock
Since Gabby Giffords reacted to the Senate’s defeat of gun-control legislation with this anguished New York Times op-ed declaring she would not give up the fight, a variety of right-wing pundits have mansplained that Gabby is being “emotional” and not using “logic” and “reason” and is a “bully,” so she should sit down and shut [...]
Family Research Council Knows Who Is To Blame For Boston Bombing: Sluts And Abortionists
The Family Research Council has taken some time off from hating fags to reaffirm its man-on-gun love. The fine fellows behind it would like to point out that gun control would not have stopped the Boston bombing. (It might have stopped the murder of the 26-year-old MIT police officer shot by those nice Chechen boys, [...]
Like Crazed Person With Gun, Senate Kills Everything It Sees
Hey remember how yr Wonkette told you, over and over, that the Senate’s gun control bill was going to die…with (well really without) votes? We now declare this meme dead along with the bill. Today the Senate votes on the package of amendments to the watered-down gun control bill it has spent three months painfully [...]
Senators Maybe Agree On Gun Background Checks; NRA Psychics Predict That Shootings Will Still Happen
Good news, everybody! There’s been incremental progress toward closing the gun-show loophole in background checks for gun purchases! Senators Pat Toomey (R-Pennsylvania) and Joe Manchin (“D”-West Virginia) announced that they have agreed on a watered-down version of universal background checks that would not be universal but would still expand the checks to cover sales at [...]
In Which We Are Irrationally Hopeful That Not Everyone Is a Total Idiot About Gun Control
With the way so many of our politicians cower in terror every time they spot Wayne LaPierre rushing in their direction, his crazy eyes rolling in their sockets like the googly-eyed panda magnet on our refrigerator, we have thought we might break out the Dance of Joy if just one politician would tell him to go [...]
Super-Christian Radio Guy Generously Remains ‘Neutral’ On Whether Shooting Federal Agents Is A Good Thing
We all know that Bryan Fischer is El Douche Grande at the American Patriarchy Association, but let us not forget that they have a whole second string of less-famous douchitos as well! Consider for instance radio-show guy Buster Wilson, who last graced Yr Wonkette when he espoused the entirely sane opinion that Barack Obama is [...]
Liberty University Allows Guns For Jesus In Classrooms, Kissing Still Of The Devil
Happy Friday! Today in Who Would Jesus Shoot? news, it’s Liberty University! Bringing guns to school isn’t just for terrible tragedies anymore! Stand your grades, followers of Falwell, because this “University” says carrying concealed weapons to your Creationism 101 class is perfectly A-OKAY! Liberty University, the largest religion-affiliated U.S. school, is loosening restrictions for carrying [...]
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