Tag Archives: gun control

  intramural frisbee golf just got more exciting

Nevada Bill Will Solve Rape, Let All Co-Eds Shoot Everyone, What Could Go Wrong?

Where could she even be hiding a gun?
Ah, college. That heady brew of drinking, parties, hormones, Marxist indoctrination, drugs, late nights, not enough sleep, political correctness, overblown drama, and more hormones. You know what might spice it up even more? Allowing students to carry guns on campus. Because when you can arm immature monsters who drink like fish and have poor impulse control, you have to do it. Read more on Nevada Bill Will Solve Rape, Let All Co-Eds Shoot Everyone, What Could Go Wrong?…
  No Erasies White Magic Also Too

VA Legislators Call Backsies, Black Magic, 123 No Takebacks On Gun Bill

Not related to the story but CUTE.
Should stalkers, domestic abusers, and sexual batterers be allowed to buy and own guns? For several Republicans on the Virginia Senate Courts of Justice Committee, the answer is a resounding NO, followed by a YES, then a WHOOPS, then NO again: Read more on VA Legislators Call Backsies, Black Magic, 123 No Takebacks On Gun Bill…
  Mah Raghts!

Gun Nuts Just Want Mom’s Address To Say Howdy, Probably

More evidence that open carry is in the Napoleon-in-Russia phase of its campaign for gun rights most people never asked for and don’t want: a now-deleted tweet from prominent Texas open carry nut and alleged airline pilot Eric Reed: How’s that month-old frozen horse meat tasting today, Eric? (Astute readers may recognize one Robert J. “Raging Rob” Kinnison in the reply. He’s the guy who likes to tell people to put dicks in their mouths and shut up.) Read more on Gun Nuts Just Want Mom’s Address To Say Howdy, Probably…
  grab a rifle and stand a post

Ammosexuals Exploit Charlie Hebdo Massacre For Media Attention And Profit

Gollum will stops you from getting the preciouses.
If there is anything your more vocal ammosexuals hate, it’s anyone who calls for gun control laws in the immediate aftermath of a mass shooting. It’s too soon, they will cry. How dare you make this political before the bodies are cold, they will whine. Way to stand on the bodies of dead children to advance your agenda, gun-grabbers, they will derp. Read more on Ammosexuals Exploit Charlie Hebdo Massacre For Media Attention And Profit…
  second amendment solutions

Open Carry Nuts Yell Nonsense At Texas State Rep, Because That Is Kind Of Their Thing

THE SETUP: A group in Texas called Open Carry Tarrant County feels very affectionately toward guns and certain Amendments. They also like HB195 (“the Texas Constitutional Carry Act of 2015″), a bill before the Texas legislature that would do two main things: Remove the requirement that Texans obtain a permit to carry a concealed handgun, and permit any legally sober Texan to carry a handgun, either concealed or openly upon their corpus, pretty much anywhere except churches, prisons, sporting events, hospitals, saloons, amusement parks, and government meetings. So Open Carry Tarrant County assembled to do a little lobbying for HB195 at the State House! Read more on Open Carry Nuts Yell Nonsense At Texas State Rep, Because That Is Kind Of Their Thing…
  news of the weird

South Carolina Republican Wants To Take Guns From Lady-Beaters. No, Seriously.

Us, right now.
Hey there South Carolina, birthplace of the Late Unpleasantness, state that gave Newt Gingrich his sole primary victory in 2012, and home base of this asshole. What crazy shenanigans are you up to now? Oh, just trying to pass a bill that would make it illegal for domestic abusers to own guns. Ha ha, you impetuous hicks, you—wait, what? That sounds like a sane and reasonable idea. What in the hell? Read more on South Carolina Republican Wants To Take Guns From Lady-Beaters. No, Seriously….
  history is written by the inept

Conservatives Continue Rewriting History, Because They Are Dumb

And no, the London Underground was not a political movement.
Oh conservatives, you and your wacky knowledge of American history. Where would we be without it? (We would be, collectively as a nation, much better-educated.) We always enjoy remembering, for example, that Thanksgiving celebrates the Pilgrims’ victory over the scourge of socialism, which everyone knows they practiced 200 years before the birth of Karl Marx. Thanks, Professor Limbaugh. Read more on Conservatives Continue Rewriting History, Because They Are Dumb…
  Freedom's just another word for no one left to shoot

Responsible Open-Carry Advocate Shot Up Her Family. We Guess They Must Have Been Bad

Hey, you know who else wanted to carry his gun everywhere?
Hey there, Open Carry Tarrant County! How is your campaign to convince everyone that you are all responsible gun owners who can be trusted to tote around lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of firearms without popping off and shooting people going? Read more on Responsible Open-Carry Advocate Shot Up Her Family. We Guess They Must Have Been Bad…
  wonkette world o' books

Clip & Save! Your Handy Wonkette Review Of (Part Of) Dana Loesch’s New ‘Book’

An armed society of intelligent cats is a polite society of intelligent cats.
We were planning to review for your enjoyment Amazon’s free preview of Dana Loesch’s new book-like substance, Hands Off My Gun, because who doesn’t want to spend a nice afternoon slogging through a piece of writing that is one step removed from the crude etchings some Neanderthal left on the wall of a cave ten thousand years ago. It would be impossible to be more generous than that to Dana even if we didn’t already think she is an insane ball of white-hot derp. Read more on Clip & Save! Your Handy Wonkette Review Of (Part Of) Dana Loesch’s New ‘Book’…
  lectures from the schoolmarm

Peggy Noonan’s Dead Aunt Is Smarter Than You

Another drinkie-poo? Are you really asking me that?
Graciousness! A lost art in America, Peggy Noonan mused to herself as she wandered the marbled halls of her Upper East Side manse with a pitcher of gin-and-NyQuil martinis in one hand and her Aunt Mary’s framed Ellis Island health card in the other. The card had notches in it to indicate that Aunt Mary had passed the examination of a shipboard doctor every day during her passage across the ocean to America in 1909, back when the country feared the dirty plagues carried by the filthy Irish from their home counties of Cork or Dork or Fie-de-Horsecow, or wherever. In America, Aunt Mary had pinned the card to her coat and worn it everywhere to let her new countrymen know that she was not one of those Irish, but a clean and (of course) gracious woman who would not infect anyone with potato blight. Read more on Peggy Noonan’s Dead Aunt Is Smarter Than You…
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow: Good For You, Washington State, You’re 50% Smarter Now (Video)

It's really quite simple. Or should be.
Rachel Maddow is delighted — and so are we, because happy Rachel = Happy us — that in the recent Scottish independence referendum, small but substantial numbers of ballots had to be thrown out because they had both “Yes” and “No” marked on the simplest question ever put on a nationwide referendum: “Should Scotland be an independent country?” This was too much complexity for some folks, apparently. Read more on Rachel Maddow: Good For You, Washington State, You’re 50% Smarter Now (Video)…
  Women Get So Emotional About Murder

Why Is Gabby Giffords So Shrill And Emotional About Guns?

Honestly, there has to be some logical explanation of why she's so touchy
We aren’t quite sure we’ve finished throwing up yet in reaction to this Politico piece about that mean bitch Gabby Giffords, who has made some very cruel, unfair ads about the issue of gun control for some reason: Read more on Why Is Gabby Giffords So Shrill And Emotional About Guns?…
  Cleanup On Aisle Bangbangbang Please

Gun Humpers Will Defend Your Grocery Chain From All The Swears

Let's just note that the Constitution says NOTHING abotu a right to keep and bear fedoras
Hey, kids, time for yet another business to become the target (ha-ha!) of the open carry debate in These United States of Texas and the Other States. In reaction to open carry demonstrations in Ohio and Texas, Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, a group whose goals we admire but whose name makes us roll our eyes, plans to pressure Kroger stores to not allow open carry, which is just phase one of their insidious plan to bring about a Nazi regime in America, of course. Read more on Gun Humpers Will Defend Your Grocery Chain From All The Swears…
  so long farewell

James Brady Passes Away, Will No Longer Try To Put Your Guns In FEMA Camps

Never forget
Let us pour one out for James Brady, former press secretary for Ronald Reagan and longtime gun-control advocate, who died today at the age of 73. Brady was Reagan’s press secretary for the first two months of the Great Communicator’s presidency. He was shot in the head by John Hinckley Jr. on March 30, 1981, when Hinckley failed to either kill Reagan or win the heart of Jodie Foster, who only loves winners. Brady was permanently disabled, spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Though he could no longer work as press secretary, he still held the title for the duration of Reagan’s presidency while others stood in as deputy or acting press secretary. Which, when you think about it, was kind of what happened with Reagan himself. Read more on James Brady Passes Away, Will No Longer Try To Put Your Guns In FEMA Camps…
  lawsplaining

Supreme Court Says You Can’t Lie About Gun Purchases. How Is That Even Fair?

Did you hear that? It’s the sound of Ted Nugent and Wayne LaPierre’s and zombie Charlton Heston’s heads, all exploding in glorious concert, because the Supremes ruled against a Gun Thing yesterday, which is weird because we totally figured that the Fab Five conservatives on the Court loved them some rolling back gun regulations as much as they loved rolling back regulations on every other goddamn thing in the world. However, at least in this case, Anthony Kennedy trod?? treaded?? all over freedom and the Bill of Rights by joining the Court’s somewhat liberal wing to uphold the straw purchaser law, which prohibits you from saying you’re buying the gun for yourself when you’re really buying it for someone else. What is this? Soviet Russia??? Read more on Supreme Court Says You Can’t Lie About Gun Purchases. How Is That Even Fair?…
  reasoned debate

Joe The Plumber Is Human Garbage, Again

Leading conservative intellectual Joe the Failed Politician Not-Plumber has decided that he has not spewed forth enough frothing filth to remind us all of what a horrible shitpile he is. First, he told the parents of dead kids in Isla Vista to STFU and quit whining about their tragedy because he is a classy fellow. But that was just the tip (heh heh) of the iceberg of stupidity that is Samuel Wurzelbacher: “Guns are mostly for hunting down politicians who would actively seek to take your freedoms and liberty away from you,” Wurzelbacher wrote on Thursday in a blog post on his website. Hahaha, that probably gave Gabby Giffords a good chuckle!  Read more on Joe The Plumber Is Human Garbage, Again…
  putting the fun in fundraising

Maryland Gov Martin O’Malley Reduced To Begging On The Streets For Dimes

Holy crap, 2016 fundraising is rough, especially if you are a Democrat not named Hillary Clinton. How rough? Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley spent the weekend engaging in his most aggressive push for campaign cash yet, and his office refuses to release how much he raised. What was his tactic? Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley (D), who is weighing a 2016 presidential bid, spent part of his Memorial Day doubling as a street musician in downtown Annapolis. Maybe he was just practicing in case Arsenio Hall, circa 1991, called.  Read more on Maryland Gov Martin O’Malley Reduced To Begging On The Streets For Dimes…
  another country heard from

Joe The Plumber Has Opinion No One Asked Him For And No One Is Interested In Hearing

Of all the dimwitted leaking anal polyps rushing to write nine million words this weekend about Friday night’s terrible murder spree, of all the jabbering imbeciles determined to scream that “Guns don’t kill people!” and “Should we ban knives too, libtard?” and “My freedoms, you shall not take them!”, you know what washed-up cultural figure we most anxiously hoped would weigh in? No, not Sarah, Snow Queen of the Tundra. Obviously we were waiting to hear from Samuel Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Not-Plumber, who took to his website to hunt and peck the letters he needed for words to compose this masterpiece. Read more on Joe The Plumber Has Opinion No One Asked Him For And No One Is Interested In Hearing…
  not intended to be a factual statement

Arizona Wingnut Knows Democrats Do All The Mass Shootings, It’s Just Science

Let us all give a giant Wonkette welcome to Gary Kiehne, a candidate for the Republican nomination for Congress in Arizona’s First District. Kiehne is a rancher and hotel owner running on a platform of having more guns and ammo than any of the other candidates in the race so…profit? Also during a Republican debate on Saturday, he said that when it comes to mass shootings, If you look at all the fiascos that have occurred, 99 percent of them have been by Democrats pulling their guns out and shooting people. So I don’t think you have a problem with the Republicans. Actually if you look at which party advances the propaganda that the boy tyrant Barack Hussein Obama has secret plans to forcibly take away all your guns, which in turn makes some gun owners so paranoid and irrational they become completely unhinged if anyone suggests even the mildest of gun control laws, we’re going to say we very much have a problem with Republicans. Read more on Arizona Wingnut Knows Democrats Do All The Mass Shootings, It’s Just Science…
  like top gear without cars or the stig or jeremy clarkson

NRA’s New Video Series Will Millennial You So Hard Brah

Looks like the NRA’s exciting new Young Fresh Face, Colion Noir, has gotten himself a hip new official NRA webcast where he can Gun It Up for a new generation of gun fondlers. Mr. Noir, the hot sensation of YouTube videos where he shoots every gun ever made, is here to make shootin’ irons hip, youth-oriented, and as the young folk say, “fresh.” There’s no way to top Elizabeth Nolan Brown’s description at Reason, so we’ll just steal shamelessly: The overall effect suggests the show was written by a bot exclusively pulling from the Washington Free Beacon and Perez Hilton. Twerking! Trolling! Trans fats! Spotify! Statists! Ah, but it’s not just that — for instance, there’s also a hint of Maxim, or maybe the old “What sort of man reads PLAYBOY?” ads: you want to be an urban sophisticate? Well Noir is going to tell you about “Fine watches, fast cars, and the finest guns — technology at its finest, a level of craftsmanship that takes decade upon decade to achieve.” Maybe he’ll even let you listen to his hi-fi set, with the $6800 speaker cables, too. Read more on NRA’s New Video Series Will Millennial You So Hard Brah…