Tag Archives: gun control

  Mad About A Thing

NRA Dude Hopes Virginia Shooting Victims’ Parents Won’t Be Total Pussies About This

He's weeping, and also telling the NRA to go fuck itself with a rusty dildo.
He’s weeping, and also telling the NRA to go fuck itself with a rusty dildo. After last week’s horrific on-air murder of TV journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward, many people immediately braced themselves for exactly what disgusting thing the NRA would have to say. At first, there were mostly tumbleweeds, but as the NRA is perhaps the most evil institution in all of America, it was only a matter of time! Here’s a disgusting, soulless, stomach-churning response from the NRA’s Colion Noir, who Media Matters reports is part of the NRA’s new campaign to make the organization look cool and hip and “Kids These Days,” as opposed to what it really is — a group of paranoid pants-shitting twats who really, truly don’t cry when your child dies. Read more on NRA Dude Hopes Virginia Shooting Victims’ Parents Won’t Be Total Pussies About This…
  Get Your Nerd On

Why Do You Weep? Blingee Lives! Your Saturday Nerdout

All Hail the Risen Blingee
All Hail the Risen Blingee Hey, remember how a week or so back we were all bummed because one of the most useful dumb wonderful things on the Internet, Blingee, was going away forever? Turns out that the public reaction was so anguished, so over the top, so filled with unicorns puking sad glitter, that the site’s owners decided against going gentle into that good Error 404 Page Not Found after all: Read more on Why Do You Weep? Blingee Lives! Your Saturday Nerdout…
  wonksplainer

Congress Planning New, Exciting Ways To Screw You In The Bottom This Fall

Congress
Don’t be a hero. Congress is coming back to DC, and you need this. Raise your hand if you are about to get fucked over by Congress. (Hint: All of you should have a hand raised.) Now use the other hand to pour yourself a stiff drink, because you’re gonna need it. Read more on Congress Planning New, Exciting Ways To Screw You In The Bottom This Fall…
  journalism

How We Will Not Be Talking About The Murder Of Two Virginia Reporters

Their loved ones ask that they be remembered alive and smiling.
Their loved ones ask that they be remembered alive and smiling. This is what we will tell you about the two young TV journalists for Virginia station WDBJ who were shot to death on Wednesday, on air. Reporter Alison Parker had just turned 24, and had celebrated her birthday with her colleague and boyfriend, Chris Hurst. Cameraman Adam Ward, 27, was engaged to the station’s morning producer, Melissa Ott. Read more on How We Will Not Be Talking About The Murder Of Two Virginia Reporters…
  But what about all the good guys with guns? Oh the mass shooter killed them too?

Amy Schumer Says Mass Shootings Somehow Involve Guns, Guess She Hates America

Not here to make jokes.
Last week, Sarah Clements, a gun control activist and daughter of a Sandy Hook survivor, wrote an open letter to Amy Schumer, asking her to step up and speak out to try to do SOMETHING about our uniquely American problem with mass shootings, after one of the Lone Wolves from the Lone Wolf Club murdered two innocent women and injured nine others at a screening of Schumer’s “Trainwreck” in Lafayette, Louisiana. Schumer saw the letter and responded on Twitter: Read more on Amy Schumer Says Mass Shootings Somehow Involve Guns, Guess She Hates America…
  Mad at our nation's stupidest governor

Bobby Jindal Will Talk Gun Violence, Soon As He’s Done Giving The NRA This Rimjob

Bless his dumbass heart. Or fuck him in the ear. Whatever.
Bobby Jindal, craven asshole: Despite the fact that John Russell Houser had a long history of mental illness and arrests but was able to legally purchase a .40 caliber semi-automatic handgun at a pawn shop, Governor Bobby Jindal repeatedly told reporters he would not talk about gun control. Read more on Bobby Jindal Will Talk Gun Violence, Soon As He’s Done Giving The NRA This Rimjob…
  He seemed nice

Lafayette Shooter Was Teabaggin’, Gay-Hatin’, Hitler-Lovin’ Fool, THANKS OBAMA!

Just another member of the Lone Wolf Freedom Shooty Brigade Of Lone Wolves
If the online footprint of the Lafayette shooter identified by police as John Russell Houser, who killed two and injured nine others during a Thursday night showing of Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck before then killing himself, is any indication, Obama has really outdone himself in the false flag department this time. What did Houser hate? Pretty much everything that’s good and decent. What did he love? The Tea Party (at least enough to have an account, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center, on the Tea Party Nation website), white supremacy, and also, too, Hitler. Let’s have a look-see, starting with a Twitter account bearing Houser’s name, and with only two tweets: Read more on Lafayette Shooter Was Teabaggin’, Gay-Hatin’, Hitler-Lovin’ Fool, THANKS OBAMA!…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Channel Announces Blowout Sale, All Derp Must Go

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
August 1 is quittin’ time for the Sarah Palin Channel, so the gang up in Wasilla is scrambling to move existing inventory. We’ve got three videos for you this week, one on gun rights and scary home invasions, one featuring Ghost Thomas Jefferson, and one exercise in patriotic free-verse over what sounds to Yr Wonket like an old-school Casio synth track. It’s a glorious day here at The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, so let’s dive in. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Channel Announces Blowout Sale, All Derp Must Go…
  Not so brave after all

Nikki Haley Did Her One Good Thing, Back To Being Coward Now

Leadership fail
While people are so busy clap-clapping for South Carolina’s Republican governor, who finally and quite reluctantly called for the removal of the Confederate flag from the state capitol, they might want to take a brief intermission to note just how reluctant Nikki Haley is to see the flag removed: Read more on Nikki Haley Did Her One Good Thing, Back To Being Coward Now…
  america fuck yeah

Rep. Steve King: Who Cares About A Few Massacres When You Have All This Freedom?

Good Ol' Fashioned Nightmare Fuel
Iowa Republican congresscantaloupe Steve King had a few thoughts about Barack Obama’s treasonous attack on freedom last week, when the president said the United States is pretty exceptional, and not in the good way, when it comes to mass killings, and that “this type of mass violence does not happen in other advanced countries.” For one thing, said King on a rightwing radio show in Iowa, it does happen, sometimes, just not nearly as often as it does in the USA — which was Obama’s point anyway. But for another thing, we can’t do anything to prevent it without making America a worser, less Americanly Exceptional Freedom Landy place: Read more on Rep. Steve King: Who Cares About A Few Massacres When You Have All This Freedom?…
  Ha ... ha ... groan

Ted Cruz Tells Another Appropriate Well-Timed Joke, This Time About Guns Ha Ha Ha

Hoo boy, that Ted Cruz sure is a funny guy. While he is too big a coward to take a position on the Confederate flag and whether it should continue to fly on the grounds of South Carolina’s state capitol (hint: it should not), he’s not at all afraid to crack some “jokes” about gun control at a town hall meeting in Red Oak, Iowa: Read more on Ted Cruz Tells Another Appropriate Well-Timed Joke, This Time About Guns Ha Ha Ha…
  A Mighty Fortress Needs More Guns

Fox News: Gun-Free Zones Committed That Hate Crime In Charleston

This would fix everything
That was fast! It only took a few hours for Fox to toss up an editorial explaining that the best explanation of why six women and three men were shot to death in their church Wednesday night is that nobody in the church was packing heat like they should have been. Read more on Fox News: Gun-Free Zones Committed That Hate Crime In Charleston…
  Why does he always have to politicize everything?

President Obama Divides Nation, Says Charleston Shooting Involved Gun

President Obama spoke briefly about the church shooting in Charleston that left nine dead, in what the Department of Justice and other authorities are investigating as a hate crime. There’s no official word from the feds on what kind of hate crime, so per Fox News and other rightwing “news” outlets, it’s likely the alleged shooter spewed racist epithets and wanted to take his country back from the black congregation because he was primarily motivated by his hatred of Christians, of all races. Read more on President Obama Divides Nation, Says Charleston Shooting Involved Gun…
  just kidding they're all racist assholes

Wingnuts React To Charleston Church Shooting With Thoughtful Gravitas We’ve Come To Expect

Unlike wingnuts, that ugly dog is actually lovable.
Our headline is a flat-out lie. Wednesday night in Charleston, a white gunman identified as Dylann Storm Roof allegedly sat and prayed with black churchgoers at a bible study for an hour, and then opened fire, killing nine people, including the pastor, Clementa Pinckney, who was also a South Carolina state senator. As he continued to shoot, a survivor reports that Roof said, “I have to do it. You rape our women and you’re taking over our country. And you have to go.” Unless this particular church has a reputation for raping our women and taking over our country, that sure sounds like a hate crime, and we don’t mean against Christians. Read more on Wingnuts React To Charleston Church Shooting With Thoughtful Gravitas We’ve Come To Expect…
  America: Where preventing child murder is controversial

Country Stars Tim McGraw, Billy Currington In False-Flag Gun-Grabbing Sandy Hook Slapfight!

Tim McGraw's gonna have to pry the guns out of his own songs!
Remember the Sandy Hook school massacre? The one where 20 first-graders were gunned down by a crazed shooter named Adam Lanza? Yes, that one. Tim McGraw announced this week that he would be headlining a concert in Hartford, Connecticut, to benefit Sandy Hook Promise, a America-hating, gun-grabbing nonprofit group that seeks to protect kids from getting murdered, with guns. Sounds innocuous enough, right? Not for America’s rabid gun-humpers! No, not even the Sandy Hook massacre was horrifying enough to get those fine patriots to reconsider their position on gun control. Those kids are just collateral damage we guess — assuming they existed! Also scheduled to perform were Billy Currington and Chase Bryant, but oh wait, after being relentlessly attacked by wingnuts, Billy Currington has decided to be a pussy and pull out. Let’s examine in further detail! Read more on Country Stars Tim McGraw, Billy Currington In False-Flag Gun-Grabbing Sandy Hook Slapfight!…
  There's an app for that

Gun-Humpers Using Sexy App To Track Gun Control Advocates, What Could Go Wrong?

Just a normal guy, on his way to the Taco Bell.
Here is a story that will warm the hearts of all patriotic Americans with guns firmly held by cold dead hands, out of which none can pry them! There are people out there who think it might be wise to fight for a little more gun control, a little more responsibility on the part of gun owners, so kids don’t get massacred at school or accidentally shot by their siblings. This is an un-American belief, so these people must be tracked, and wouldn’t you know it, there’s an app for that: Read more on Gun-Humpers Using Sexy App To Track Gun Control Advocates, What Could Go Wrong?…