gulf oil spill
Happy ‘BP Destroyed the Gulf of Mexico Forever’ Day!
Good morning, dead baby dolphins! It’s hard to believe that today marks the first anniversary of the Gulf of Mexico being poisoned forever. Does anyone even remember what the Gulf was like before murdered sea creatures started washing up on the beaches? Or what little children used to play with and get cancer from before [...]
Cows, Tumbleweeds Still Denied Right To Vote In Wyoming
As threatened, both Washington and Wyoming went ahead with their primary elections yesterday. Washington didn’t surprise anybody because it is boring; in Wyoming, the nominations of Republican Matt Mead and Democrat Leslie Peterson for governor surprised everyone, because nobody had heard of any of the candidates before and thus any name would have been a [...]
BP Using Paper Towels To Heroically Save Us From Obama’s Oil Spill
Over the past year or so, our nation’s finest celebrities and citizens with camcorders have come together to help us gather up the sweet, sweet oil that is shooting into Mexico’s ocean and trying to get to freedom on America’s shores. There hasn’t been much success so far, but our friends at British Petroleum have [...]
Somewhere, Someone Is Thinking Up A Nonsensical Sex Act And Calling It ‘Top Kill’
Right now, valiant BP scientists are top-killing the heck of out of the all-spewing oil well in the Gulf of Mexico! Yup, they’re sure giving their all at killing … the top … of the thing … in a top kill. Which involves stone-cold pumping mud into the durn hole, we guess. Will it work? [...]
Deepwater Horizon Kept Oil Rig Survivors Detained Until They Signed Legal Documents
The workers who survived the awful explosion of the Deepwater Horizon/BP oil rig weren’t simply taken back to shore after their harrowing escape and rescue — instead, according to lawyers for the survivors and interviews with The Guardian, they were detained for up to 40 hours at sea, unable to even call their families until [...]
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