Tag Archives: gulf of mexico

  lol

Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For

Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.
BREAKING NEWS! Gov. Bobby Jindal, who has basically ruined Louisiana, declared his candidacy for president of US America Wednesday afternoon, far too close to the city of New Orleans for anyone who actually loves that city. He had started off the week getting punched right in his junk by IBM, which had been nice enough to choose Baton Rouge for its new National Service Center. The company’s mood soured when Jindal decided he had to prove he was the gay-hatin’-est homophobe in all the land, by issuing an executive order giving Louisiana business owners the right to discriminate against gay people. That might work on the set of “Duck Dynasty,” but not in the grown-up world of big business. So IBM decided to cancel the big ribbon-cutting photo-op, the one Jindal could have used to show just how GOOD he’s been for Louisiana business. Read more on Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: There Goes Sarah Knowin’ Stuff About Russia Again

After a content-heavy end to the year, the Sarah Palin Channel has regressed to the mean. She’s posted three videos in the last seven days, one of which was designed as a complement to her Faceplace screed on DogGate. And if we’re being perfectly honest with ourselves, Palin’s video about Jill Hadassah (yes, that is the dog’s actual name) is really cute and does exactly what it’s intended to do. Beware, Wonketeers, for Sarah Palin is improving in her ability to grift across multiple media channels, and she’s doing it with a widdle puppy with a cute widdle puppy face. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: There Goes Sarah Knowin’ Stuff About Russia Again…
  drill baby drill

BP Chief To Gulf States: Suck It, Losers

This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowment for Oil Spill Blogging and Bait Shop. Are there business courses specifically geared to teaching you to be a corporate dick? If there are, we have a candidate to teach a masters-level class, perhaps titled “Advanced Assholery and Dickishness in a Post-Modern American South.” Class, meet your new guru, John Minge, chairman and president of BP America. Minge is taking dickishness to a new level by trying to back out of paying claims for that teeny tiny little oil ‘spill’ that happened in the Gulf of Mexico a few years back. Read more on BP Chief To Gulf States: Suck It, Losers…
  jail is for poors

Poor BP Whining About Excessive Fines

So eleven people are dead. And also more than 8,000 birds, sea turtles, and marine mammals were found injured or dead. And there are over 200 miles of coastland that are still saturated with oil. AND NEVAR FORGET THE EYELESS SHRIMP! Big deal, who cares, let’s not cry over spilled milk, and let’s CERTAINLY not blame BP or ask them to pay for the damage they’ve caused. That would be silly, you guys. Don’t be silly. And hundreds of miles of damaged coastline, thousands of dead animals, tens of thousands of lost jobs, and millions of dollars in damaged property and lost revenue–well, that’s maybe worth a billion dollars? OK, a couple billion dollars if BP is feeling really generous. But it’s certainly not worth $21 billion dollars, that is excessive, says BP! Read more on Poor BP Whining About Excessive Fines…
  just lose your eyes and think of england

Gulf Of Mexico Seafood Much Cuter Now Without All Those Eyes

Remember when hero Congressman Joe Barton apologized to British Petroleum for all the bother the US government was causing it, by forcing it to maybe mitigate some of the hellfire it had sort of rained down upon the Gulf? Those were good times, like when the old man apologized to Dick Cheney, for having been in the way of his gun! Well, now Joe Barton is going to have to apologize to BP AGAIN, because the Gulf of Mexico is all full of shrimp with no eyes now, and somebody (al Jazeera) is going to be mean to them about it! Why won’t Barack NoObAma apologize for al Jazeera’s mean reporting about BP on his American Apologies tour??? Read more on Gulf Of Mexico Seafood Much Cuter Now Without All Those Eyes…
  end of days

‘New’ Oil Spill In Gulf of Mexico Is From BP Deepwater Horizon Well, Of Course

So, about that plugged oil well at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico that was the Disaster of the Summer last year? It is leaking again, a lot, and despite days/weeks of the usual lies from BP and the BP enabling agents of the federal and state governments, the Mobile Press Register‘s independent scientific review of the “new” oil spill samples proves that the stuff is gushing out of last year’s glory hole again. Read more on ‘New’ Oil Spill In Gulf of Mexico Is From BP Deepwater Horizon Well, Of Course…
  it's morning in america

Obama Nominates Leon Panetta To Lead War Department

Old-timey Clinton hack and current CIA Top Spy Leon Panetta is slated to take over the War Department! Do we mean, “The Department of Defense, Heil Hitler?” Nope! The War Department. Because when’s the last time the United States was invaded and had to defend itself? The War of 1812? Maybe that time we tried to stop The Beatles from singing songs? (This is why we need those new stealth fingerbanger bombers — what if The Beatles try to visit America again?) Panetta is “politically savvy,” apparently, and that is why he will make the perfect War Secretary. (Obama doesn’t need another jerk-wad secretary tellin’ him that robot-bombing Libya is a dumb idea.) Oh, also: Famous war monger Dave Petraeus will be the new Central Intelligence chief. Congratulations to all the people who are about to get robot-bombed/assassinated by Jason Bourne. [The Hill] Read more on Obama Nominates Leon Panetta To Lead War Department… Read more on Obama Nominates Leon Panetta To Lead War Department…
  goes great with more offshore drilling

Obama Administration Picks Tokyo Electric To Build U.S. Nuke Plant

The environmentalist wackos in the Obama Administration “asked Congress to provide a $4 billion loan guarantee for two new nuclear reactors to be built and operated on the Gulf Coast of Texas — by Tokyo Electric Power and local partners,” ha ha. Because there’s nothing greener than money nuclear power, built by a scandal-plagued Japanese company now presiding over the biggest nuclear-power disaster in history. (Okay, maybe Obama’s beloved “clean coal” is a teeny bit more green than nuclear fallout facilities on the Gulf of Mexico.) Anyway, let’s hear it for Tokyo Electric Power! Experts say this company has been running insanely dangerous nuke plants for years, and has badly bungled the response to the earthquake damage — in terms of safety announcements, public relations and that whole “nuclear holocaust/meltdown” thing. Read more on Obama Administration Picks Tokyo Electric To Build U.S. Nuke Plant…
  thanks for the memories

BP Oil Well Declared ‘Dead’, World Mourns

Today’s must-read obituary: After a weekend of pouring cement into the base of the ruptured well in the Gulf of Mexico, pressure tests conducted early Sunday confirmed the seal was holding, former Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen said announced. The Interior Department agency that regulates offshore drilling pronounced the well dead at 5:54 a.m. (6:54 a.m. ET), Allen said in a written statement. Read more on BP Oil Well Declared ‘Dead’, World Mourns…
  we're just enablers

Junkie Gulf of Mexico Gets Some More of That Oil It Craves So Much

It’s only been a couple of months since the Gulf of Mexico stopped injecting itself with that luscious BP oil, and now, after another oil platform explosion off the coast of Louisiana, the Gulf has fallen off the wagon again. Hey, BRO, that oil is ours and is very expensive. Get your salty SEA hands off of it. “A mile-long sheen is now visible,” the Coast Guard said. A sheen? Oh, like the famous actor family! Read more on Junkie Gulf of Mexico Gets Some More of That Oil It Craves So Much…
  flotus files

Michelle Obama Is Still Too Good For the Gulf

Michelle “Marie” Obama-Antoinette is back in the United States after an unpatriotic vacation in Spain, where she relaxed by dancing in the streets on burning piles of money, watching Sasha make sand castles out of pure gold, and swimming in the Mediterranean while laughing about how oil-free the water is there. And since FLOTUS did not obey the demands of The People, who prefer that the First Lady spend her summer eating Double Down sandwiches in the unemployment line like an honest American, she was punished for her sins with a trip to the Gulf to watch reporters hit on her shirtless husband. Read more on Michelle Obama Is Still Too Good For the Gulf…
  oily pelicans

Have You Forgotten About the Dead Turtles On Day 106?

The static kill sex position procedure is slated to begin today, if it didn’t start last night while Doctor Jindal was sleeping. The process of shoving mud and shooting cement down the throat of the well may actually kill the well and nullify the need to use the relief wells. The engineers are concerned that shooting stuff all over the place may damage the fleshy flap seal called the annulus. Read more on Have You Forgotten About the Dead Turtles On Day 106?… Read more on Have You Forgotten About the Dead Turtles On Day 106?…
  oily pelicans

Happy 100th Birthday, Deepwater Horizon!

Remember the Islands of Doctor Jindal? Well it turns out that the future president of ‘Merica may be wrong after all. Washington elites Several scientists from local universities and aquatic research centers have signed letters and sent postcards saying he is an idiot who likes to wear fur coats while looking good on the teevee. Read more on Happy 100th Birthday, Deepwater Horizon!… Read more on Happy 100th Birthday, Deepwater Horizon!…
  oil pelicans

Day One Without Tony On Day 98

Our dear friend Tony Hayward is sailing off to Siberia on his shiny yacht now powered by a golden kiss-in-the mail worth a cool £600,000 a year with cases of caviar and bottles of bubbly (that’s $928,500 for those of you who speak American). What will Tony do with all his Ron Paul Gold? Perhaps buy another Ron Paul blimp to survey the oil spill. Read more on Day One Without Tony On Day 98… Read more on Day One Without Tony On Day 98…