gulf of mexico

So eleven people are dead. And also more than 8,000 birds, sea turtles, and marine mammals were found injured or dead. And there are over 200 miles of coastland that are still saturated with oil. AND NEVAR FORGET THE EYELESS SHRIMP! Big deal, who cares, let’s not cry over spilled milk, and let’s CERTAINLY not blame […]

Remember when hero Congressman Joe Barton apologized to British Petroleum for all the bother the US government was causing it, by forcing it to maybe mitigate some of the hellfire it had sort of rained down upon the Gulf? Those were good times, like when the old man apologized to Dick Cheney, for having been […]

So, about that plugged oil well at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico that was the Disaster of the Summer last year? It is leaking again, a lot, and despite days/weeks of the usual lies from BP and the BP enabling agents of the federal and state governments, the Mobile Press Register‘s independent scientific […]

Old-timey Clinton hack and current CIA Top Spy Leon Panetta is slated to take over the War Department! Do we mean, “The Department of Defense, Heil Hitler?” Nope! The War Department. Because when’s the last time the United States was invaded and had to defend itself? The War of 1812? Maybe that time we tried […]

The environmentalist wackos in the Obama Administration “asked Congress to provide a $4 billion loan guarantee for two new nuclear reactors to be built and operated on the Gulf Coast of Texas — by Tokyo Electric Power and local partners,” ha ha. Because there’s nothing greener than money nuclear power, built by a scandal-plagued Japanese […]

Today’s must-read obituary: After a weekend of pouring cement into the base of the ruptured well in the Gulf of Mexico, pressure tests conducted early Sunday confirmed the seal was holding, former Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen said announced. The Interior Department agency that regulates offshore drilling pronounced the well dead at 5:54 a.m. (6:54 […]

It’s only been a couple of months since the Gulf of Mexico stopped injecting itself with that luscious BP oil, and now, after another oil platform explosion off the coast of Louisiana, the Gulf has fallen off the wagon again. Hey, BRO, that oil is ours and is very expensive. Get your salty SEA hands […]

Happy 5th Katrina Anniversary, Louisiana! And don’t feel bad because, uh, New England is getting your Labor Day Weekend hurricane. You’ve got a new oil spill! AP/WWL Channel 4 New Orleans reports: Coast Guard spokesman Bill Colclough said all 13 people have been accounted for and that one of them was injured. The injured person […]

Oh great, another oil rig explosion in the Gulf of Mexico. The AP has a very brief article, and the teevee says the 13 people working on the rig all survived. GRAND ISLE, La.—An offshore oil rig has exploded in the Gulf of Mexico, west of the site of the April blast that caused the […]

Michelle “Marie” Obama-Antoinette is back in the United States after an unpatriotic vacation in Spain, where she relaxed by dancing in the streets on burning piles of money, watching Sasha make sand castles out of pure gold, and swimming in the Mediterranean while laughing about how oil-free the water is there. And since FLOTUS did […]

The static kill sex position procedure is slated to begin today, if it didn’t start last night while Doctor Jindal was sleeping. The process of shoving mud and shooting cement down the throat of the well may actually kill the well and nullify the need to use the relief wells. The engineers are concerned that […]

Remember the Islands of Doctor Jindal? Well it turns out that the future president of ‘Merica may be wrong after all. Washington elites Several scientists from local universities and aquatic research centers have signed letters and sent postcards saying he is an idiot who likes to wear fur coats while looking good on the teevee.

Our dear friend Tony Hayward is sailing off to Siberia on his shiny yacht now powered by a golden kiss-in-the mail worth a cool £600,000 a year with cases of caviar and bottles of bubbly (that’s $928,500 for those of you who speak American). What will Tony do with all his Ron Paul Gold? Perhaps […]

This won’t come as a terrible surprise to anyone, I imagine, but the BP board is set to accept my resignation Monday evening and then all the oil in your Gulf waters will simply evaporate, as it was all my fault. Bit of levity, right? This will be my final contribution to your Wonkette, as […]

Deathstorm Bonnie is currently taking its talents to South Beach and raining and blowing really hard but not much else. Bonnie is a disorganized mess cut up by wind shear but that isn’t stopping her from wreaking all kinds of havoc: relief-well drilling and cleanup operations have been suspended until the storm passes. It has, […]