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Tag: gulf of mexico

Texas Gleefully Jizzing Itself Over All The Poor Folks It’s About To Arrest

Ahhhhh, March! The weather's getting warmer, the bumblebees are bzzzzzzzing out of their bumblebee holes (that's where they live), and in Texas, law enforcement officers and judges are coming together (literally) in one big mesquite BBQ-flavored jizzfest over the Great...
Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.

Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For

BREAKING NEWS! Gov. Bobby Jindal, who has basically ruined Louisiana, declared his candidacy for president of US America Wednesday afternoon, far too close to the city of New Orleans for anyone who actually loves that city. He had started off...

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: There Goes Sarah Knowin’ Stuff About Russia Again

After a content-heavy end to the year, the Sarah Palin Channel has regressed to the mean. She's posted three videos in the last seven days, one of which was designed as a complement to her Faceplace screed on DogGate....

BP Chief To Gulf States: Suck It, Losers

This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowment for Oil Spill Blogging and Bait Shop. Are there business courses specifically geared to teaching you to be a corporate dick? If there are, we have a candidate to teach a...

Poor BP Whining About Excessive Fines

So eleven people are dead. And also more than 8,000 birds, sea turtles, and marine mammals were found injured or dead. And there are over 200 miles of coastland that are still saturated with oil. AND NEVAR FORGET THE EYELESS...

Gulf Of Mexico Seafood Much Cuter Now Without All Those Eyes

Remember when hero Congressman Joe Barton apologized to British Petroleum for all the bother the US government was causing it, by forcing it to maybe mitigate some of the hellfire it had sort of rained down upon the...

‘New’ Oil Spill In Gulf of Mexico Is From BP Deepwater Horizon Well, Of Course

So, about that plugged oil well at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico that was the Disaster of the Summer last year? It is leaking again, a lot, and despite days/weeks of the usual lies from BP and...

Obama Nominates Leon Panetta To Lead War Department

Old-timey Clinton hack and current CIA Top Spy Leon Panetta is slated to take over the War Department! Do we mean, "The Department of Defense, Heil Hitler?" Nope! The War Department. Because when's the last time the United States...

Obama Administration Picks Tokyo Electric To Build U.S. Nuke Plant

The environmentalist wackos in the Obama Administration "asked Congress to provide a $4 billion loan guarantee for two new nuclear reactors to be built and operated on the Gulf Coast of Texas — by Tokyo Electric Power and local...

BP Oil Well Declared ‘Dead’, World Mourns

Today's must-read obituary: After a weekend of pouring cement into the base of the ruptured well in the Gulf of Mexico, pressure tests conducted early Sunday confirmed the seal was holding, former Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen said announced....

Junkie Gulf of Mexico Gets Some More of That Oil It Craves So Much

It's only been a couple of months since the Gulf of Mexico stopped injecting itself with that luscious BP oil, and now, after another oil platform explosion off the coast of Louisiana, the Gulf has fallen off the wagon...

Whoops: Mile-Long Oil Spill Spreading From Burning Rig

Happy 5th Katrina Anniversary, Louisiana! And don't feel bad because, uh, New England is getting your Labor Day Weekend hurricane. You've got a new oil spill! AP/WWL Channel 4 New Orleans reports: Coast Guard spokesman Bill Colclough said all 13...

Another Oil Rig Explodes In the Gulf of Mexico

Oh great, another oil rig explosion in the Gulf of Mexico. The AP has a very brief article, and the teevee says the 13 people working on the rig all survived. GRAND ISLE, La.—An offshore oil rig has exploded in...

Michelle Obama Is Still Too Good For the Gulf

Michelle "Marie" Obama-Antoinette is back in the United States after an unpatriotic vacation in Spain, where she relaxed by dancing in the streets on burning piles of money, watching Sasha make sand castles out of pure gold, and swimming...

Have You Forgotten About the Dead Turtles On Day 106?

The static kill sex position procedure is slated to begin today, if it didn't start last night while Doctor Jindal was sleeping. The process of shoving mud and shooting cement down the throat of the well may actually kill...

Happy 100th Birthday, Deepwater Horizon!

Remember the Islands of Doctor Jindal? Well it turns out that the future president of 'Merica may be wrong after all. Washington elites Several scientists from local universities and aquatic research centers have signed letters and sent postcards saying...