Wonkette

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

Hey everybody, did you miss me last week? There was a wee mixup with the column on Friday, but since your Comics Curmudgeon is also your faithful guest blogger filling in for Ken Layne for the first part of this week, I thought I’d put up the column myself today. So cast yourself back to the halcyon days of the previous Friday, before Fred Thompson finally bothered to claim not to be lazy live on TV.

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There are lots of reasons to love the above Associated Press photo of Larry Craig. First of all, it was taken on June 14, three teensy days after his Minneapolis partybog arrest; perhaps that explains the look of horror and revulsion on Mitch McConnell’s face? Did McConnell know something about Craig on June 14th, a naughty little secret, perhaps? I sure do like to think so! But you know what I really love about this photo? It’s time for Larry Craig Hand Turkeys™, hooray! Join the fun after the jump…

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Happy back-to-work day, suckers! Princess Sparkle Pony here, and since Pareene is still touring Midwest airport tearooms doing important research for Wonkette, I’ll be filling that quivering void today. Are you sick of the Larry Craig story yet? No (shush!)? Well that’s good, because today is bound to be a slow news day otherwise, and I’m not even close to running out of material about this wonderful, wonderful gift from the gossip gods. Plus! It’s still Endless Cummer! Hooray!

Hey, everybody! Ever think about going into a life of public service? Standing for election and gaining the mandate of your fellow citizens for change? Helping to shape the laws of your hometown? Well, maybe you should think again. 61-year-old Michael Chavez thought he’d give political life a whirl, getting elected to the city council in Concord, California in November of 2006. Less than a year later, he dropped dead on live television, during the usual sort of boring land zoning crap you get in city government. One of his fellow council members noted that he “didn’t always appear to be coping well with the many stressful issues facing the council.” MORE »

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Yes, Alex is on vacation all this week, and who has arrived to help Ken keep up the flow of blog posts? Why, it’s me, Josh Fruhlinger, the Comics Curmudgeon, Wonkette’s most underemployed occasional contributor. MORE »

It’s been a fun few days with all of you, and sad as I will be to not be on the receiving end of the avalanche of insanity that is the Wonkette tips line, Ken’s coming back Monday and I’m out of here. Since over the past few days Congress voted to end the war and put Bush on trial for war crimes and the chiropractic mafia that rules North Carolina has been broken, I feel my work is done. The inevitable bloody coup to overthrow Jim Gibbons I leave for next week. See ya!

Ken Layne has a thing this week, all we can say about which is that it is almost certainly thrilling and sordid by turns. Thus, the Comics Curmudgeon, aka the Cartoon Violence guy, aka Josh Fruhlinger, aka me, will be your humble guest blogger, assisting Alex and fulfilling one half of the Wonketeering duties for the rest of the week. Apparently a bunch of assholes are running for president already, despite the fact that it’s like 16 months too early, so I’m sure there will be something funny to say about that. Also: snow. More on this “frozen precipitation falling from the sky” nightmare as it develops, from inside, where it’s cozy and warm. Also: WHORES! Coming soon.

Your new “semi-long-term” guest editor, Ken Layne, has been tragically unemployed since last week. That’s when the latest of his many “journalistic” endeavors was shut down by The Man. Luckily, the same The Man owns Wonkette!

Let’s see, some relevant experience, self-deprecating remarks, vague and possibly creepy personal details … we’ll have this ready to post in no time. We mean, “after the jump.”

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You see what a week at Wonkette has done to me??? A week at Wonkette and 47 hamburgers???

Well, it’s been a fun week, but my fingers hurt, my eyes are bleary, and I can’t get “macaca” off my mind, no matter how hard I try. So, with no more photos to crop, papers to read, or Marines to mock, I’m throwing caution to the wind and cutting out early. Hey, just like I used to do at my last job!

Thanks to Alex for getting my back this week when I was asleep, drunk, or taking a two-hour lunch break (also just like my last job!), thanks to Messrs. Denton and Steele at Gawker Media, thanks to our intrepid tipsters, and a special thanks to The Man Who Won’t Be President for making it easy for me this week. Without your golden tongue, sir, I would have had to write about real news, and nobody would have wanted to read that. Right?

I wish I had a personal blog to point you towards, but I don’t, because blogging’s for nerds. If you must, you can check me out at Polite Magazine (which will be published sometime before my death), or buy my DVD at the Harmony Joyride store. It’s cheap and funny and features a shitload of fake moustaches. I might be back if they stay desperate over here. God, I hope not. Until then, I’ll be spending my days in drunken incoherence. Hey, just like this guy:

Polite Magazine

All This Murky Green | Buy the DVD

Still looking for suggestions as to where I should blog from tomorrow. Remember: I need wi-fi access and I don’t want to get arrested. Other than that, anywhere is fair game. Right now, I’m leaning towards going to the airport, although I did like what this guy had to say:

If you’re able to liveblog all day Thursday then might I suggest that the unemployment office wouldn’t be a bad place to start?

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