Protesters Fear Thomson Prison Will Turn Into ‘The Rock,’ Minus Nic Cage, Plus Terrorists
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009
Libtards across America think it would be just fine to put Guantanamo detainees in a maximum-security prison in northern Illinois, where they could paint each other’s fingernails while threatening to unleash a biological attack on “the mainland” (Iowa). But some people find this objectionable, and so they went to a public hearing on the proposed sale of the Thomson Correctional Facility to the US government armed with two things: flawless logic, and wonderful signs. MORE »
Everyone knows that the one upside of being trapped in the Guantanamo Bay detention center is the likelihood that someday you’ll be allowed to relocate to a tropical island paradise such as 
Hey heads up: PETA is offering to take whatever prison that Obama decides not use for terrorist collecting—Guantánamo, or that maximum security job in Thomson, IL that might be New Guantánamo—and turn it into a “All Living Beings Empathy Center.” It’d be symbolic as shit, right, because the Guantánamo human torture can be sort of tenuously conflated to what it’s like to be a farm animal? This is the idea. 
These lucky ducklings! All they had to do was spend a mere seven or eight years in prison because they happened to be in Afghanistan when the US invaded, and now they are getting sent to exotic islands all around the world in exchange for their troubles. Yesterday we learned that a bunch of Uighurs were 
President Obama has struck another blow for justice, by finally getting somebody else to take a few Guantanamo prisoners off his hands. Only, they are just moving from Cuba to a little place in the North Pacific called Palau, and who knows if they will ever 
President Obama, in addition to his many duties as Illegitimate Muslin Overlord of the United States, runs a secret and lucrative sideline business importing the international meat delicacy known as “Guantanamo Bay manflesh.” His first import arrived in New York this week, and John Boehner does not like this one bit. 
Somebody on MSNBC said that Obama’s speech was ten pages single spaced and this must be true, because this has been going on half an hour and he is just getting started. How does this guy manage to talk at such lengths without a glass of water nearby? Because he is Magic. 
If there’s two things our president loves, it’s detention camps and torture. So, obviously, he just used the whole “I will shut down that terrible den of Cuban shame” line to get into office, knowing that once he got in he would stop at nothing to open a thousand Guantanamos all over the Atlantic. We hear this speech he’s about to give, allegedly “explaining” his recent “decisions,” is really going to be one of these namby-pamby “on the one hand, but on the other hand” type deals that he loves so much. Let’s WATCH and LEARN. 
“REID: I’m saying that the United States Senate, Democrats and Republicans, do not want terrorists to be released in the United States. That’s very clear.
Well thanks for clearing that up, “administration officials”! On Sunday Rahm Emanuel suggested that “those who devised policy” around torture wouldn’t be prosecuted, but by yesterday other Obama people were rushing to walk that one back. What he meant, apparently, was that officials who ordered the torture shouldn’t be prosecuted, but the lawyers who devised the legal rationale maybe could. 