Mike Huckabee continued to spread his subliminal floating Christmas cheer in Iowa today by telling supporters that Guantanamo Bay is one helluva good time. Specifically, it’s “too nice”! And he would know because he’s been there and is now a goddamn expert. Thanks for the news, motherfuckabee! We wouldn’t know, because all of the tapes have been destroyed. MORE »

Did you really think they’d shut the Guantánamo Bay prison down? You’re so sweet. Bob Gates kinda did, too, only then he got that job as Defense Secretary and found out that the wheels of “justice” turn slower than an elderly gerbil on a really, really heavy wheel.

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Sort of. Maybe. The President signed an Executive Order today telling the CIA to stop doing all the torture that the White House told them to do to fight terror just like the guy on the TV. The order forbids “sexual or sexually indecent acts undertaken for the purpose of humiliation, forcing the individual to perform sexual acts or to pose sexually, threatening the individual with sexual mutilation, or using the individual as a human shield,” or “sexytime.” Also you are no longer to flush comically undersized Korans down comically large toilets. MORE »

The Supreme Court, reversing course, agreed Friday to eventually decide 5-4 that Guantanamo Bay detainees may not go to federal court to challenge their indefinite confinement. MORE »

Dick Cheney is so evil, the Post has started a blog about him. In a lengthy four-part series, the Post will lay bare the Dick Cheney story, and basically summarize and clarify everything we already know about him with but new, entertainingly terrifying anecdotes and interviews.

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* Clarence Thomas doesn’t want the EPA to act on global warming, cause he likes it hot. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT]
* Antonin Scalia doesn’t want to address the legality of holding detainees at Guantánamo, cause he hears cries of innocent men in his dreams at night, and likes it. [WP, NYT]
* No one hates America more than Harry Reid. [WP]
* Mitt Romney is an “aggressive fundraiser,” John McCain has “a host of shortcomings.” [WP, WSJ]
* Even intelligence reports in Italy are luxuriously handcrafted, accurate. [WP]
* NASA Inspector General Robert Cobb could end up fired — into space on the back of a photon torpedo. [WP, NYT]

* If all goes well, Iraq will be able to end just as well as Nicaragua, El Salvador, and Vietnam. [WP, NYT]
* Kyle Sampson sticks to the truth like stink on shit. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* John Edwards is the internet. [WP]
* Cabinet Secretary Judy Giuliani. [WP, NYT]
* Arresting illegal immigrants is so fun everyone should do it. [USAT]
* Guantánamo Bay II now selling, brand new cells will be walking distance to interrogation centers and hiking trails. [NYT]

* Senate Republicans hope John McCain shows up to work so they can avoid a veto of the Iraq funding bill. Please note that we didn’t take the easy “soften stance on pullout” headline joke. [WP, NYT]
* Gonzales’ aide invokes her “fifth amendment right” while taking “an indefinite leave of absence.” We’ve come a long way as a society — a few years ago she just would’ve been “disappeared.” [WP, NYT]
* FBI so excited about their new anti-terrorism powers they’re doing donuts in the nations’ personal information parking lot. [WP]
* First Guantánamo detainee actually found guilty, entered the plea himself, and is Australian. Swarthiest possible actors will continue to be cast for every “bad guy” movie role, however. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* David Stockman is thankful there aren’t any emails to dig through from the Reagan administration. [WP]
* Lawrence Small tells Smithsonian board of regents they can take his job and shove it into a jewel encrusted urn. [WP]
* Jim Webb tells Capitol police they can take his gun from the cold, dead hands of his aide. [WP]

* Surprise, surprise — hippies in Congress sell out, Iraq funding bill expected to pass. [WP, NYT]
* Whatever the House can do, the Senate can do better — authorizes subpoenas for US Attorney bloodbath. [WP]
* Fate of Guantánamo Bay detention facility closely tied to the fate of Alberto Gonzales. [NYT]
* Tom Tancredo doesn’t bother reading new immigration bill, calls it “lipstick they keep putting on the pig.” [WP]
* John Edwards’ wife is a bit ill. [WP, NYT]
* The secret to Rudy Giuliani’s success: 9/11. [WSJ]
* CIA still totally about fake mustaches. [AP]
* Robot planes with frickin’ laser beams attached to their foreheads. [USAT]

Here’s Stephen Colbert’s take on yesterday’s Supreme Court decision in Hamdan v. Rumsfeld, striking down the military tribunals for Guantanamo Bay detainees as violative of U.S. and international law. MORE »

• The Supreme Court strikes down the Bush Administration’s plan to try Guantanamo detainees before military commissions, as violative of both U.S. law and the Geneva Conventions. [NYT, WSJ, USAT, WP]

• The Court’s ruling places constitutional limits on Bush’s use of executive power in the war on terror and raises questions concerning how the Guantanamo Bay detainees’ cases should now be handled. Republicans are hoping to craft a legislative fix. [WP, NYT, LAT]
• As midterm elections approach, Senate Republicans are trying to figure out how to move forward on immigration reform and reach a compromise with their colleagues in the House. [WP]
• The House Republicans’ aggressive stance on immigration may harm Bush’s effort to improve the GOP’s standing with Latino voters. [WP]

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