Iowa Rep. Steve King, easily one of the top five House wingnuts and perhaps the most overtly evil and sneering one, has this to say about why we shouldn’t close Guantanamo Bay (where we could still keep the innocent Uighurs, whose imminent release was ordered by a federal court in 2008): MORE »

Hot damn it’s a good thing the United States refused to allow “these Uighur characters” to resettle in Northern Virginia because, aside from all the terrorism they were planning to plan in your backyard, against you, they are shiftless beach bums who refuse to ever take jobs. You know those slobs who go on Spring Break during college but refuse to ever go back and just slum around the bars of South Padre Island for the rest of their lives, eating raw crawdaddies and roofie-ing wacky old lesbians for bloodsport? Well they are all Uighurs. MORE »

The whole notion of a “British Commonwealth” was supposedly just a cutesy, historic relic to rake in tourism dollars for everyone, and to allow England to pretend it’s still important, right? Well that may have been the situation at, say, 7:30 a.m. on September 11, 2001, but only a couple hours later the world changed, and terrorism was invented. And now the Britons have learned that one of its commonwealth islands, Bermuda, got drunk last night and accepted four of the seventeen Uighurs from Guantanamo Bay, without asking the Queen’s permission, in an obvious Security Risk. Time to bring in the Lobsterbacks, to slaughter Bermuda into submission. MORE »

Just in time for Video Friday comes the RNC’s latest Guantanamo Bay video, outlining the very serious position that all but six members of the United States Senate have taken with regard to prisoner detention. [Balloon Juice]

Hmm, don’t recall many Democratic Leaders complaining during the 2008 campaign about Barack Obama’s explicit plan to shut down Guantanamo Bay, the obvious implication being that those with viable charges would be transferred to American (and a few European) prisons to face trial, while others with no charges would be released (and tracked!) in order to restore Law, which no one ever said would be easy but hey, free society, deal with it. We even recall these Democratic Leaders clapping and agreeing! They clapped and agreed again on Obama’s second day in office, too, when he signed an executive order to shut it down! So why did the Senate vote 90-6 today “to prohibit funding to transfer, release, or incarcerate detainees detained at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, to or within the United States,” like a bunch of sallies? MORE »

Remember Guantanamo Bay, that rascally little island paradise which sorta robbed America of any remaining moral superiority it had been frittering away since World War II? Well, Obama FAILED in his promise to personally release and hump every prisoner within, so it’s still housing terrible foreigners. But after seven years, National Geographic somehow managed to sneak in and make a documentary about it, and your Wonkette was invited to preview the horror. MORE »

Gah — a witch! She makes the same hilariously dumb argument that Sarah Palin would make about Gitmo, but unlike Palin, she speaks in something resembling coherent sentences! Subject, predicate, period; subject, predicate, period… just practice that sequence, lady, and you could be the next Republican loser nominee! [iReport via Balloon Juice]

A hobo in New York came across SECRET/ CONFIDENTIAL plans for the new World Trade Center buildings in some trash can in SoHo. “Experts said the detailed, floor-by-floor schematics contain enough detail for terrorists to plot a devastating attack. ‘Secure Document - Confidential,’ warns the title page on each of the two copies of the 150-page schematic that a homeless, recovering drug addict discovered in the public trash can.” Phew, good thing this hobo wasn’t Osama! It sure requires intense knowledge of the circuit boards in the building when you’re planning to blow it up with a 747. Now that hobo can enjoy being famous, in Guantanamo Bay. [NY Post]

Former undersecretary of defense for policy Douglas Feith — the fucking stupidest guy on the face of the earth — is prominently featured in a new Vanity Fair feature about all the lying he, Donald Rumsfeld, John Yoo, David Addington, and Jim Haynes translated into sketchy (at best) legalese in order to torture other humans. In reference to the administration’s decision to disregard the Geneva Conventions for prisoners of Guantanamo Bay, Ol’ Dougy clearly has mixed feelings about it! And by mixed we mean not that at all: “‘This was something I played a major role in,’ he began, in a tone of evident pride.” It gets… it just gets so much worse. Guy’s a real hoot. MORE »

David Hicks, a white Australian dude, was picked up fighting with the Taliban in 2001 and brought to Guantanamo. He spent 5 years there before he pled guilty last March to providing material support to al Qaeda as part of a deal to serve out the remainder of his sentence back home in Australia. He was released today. There are more than 300 inmates remaining at Guantanamo, 150 of whom we pretty much have no intention of never releasing. I’m guessing none of them are white. [Yahoo News]

Mike Huckabee continued to spread his subliminal floating Christmas cheer in Iowa today by telling supporters that Guantanamo Bay is one helluva good time. Specifically, it’s “too nice”! And he would know because he’s been there and is now a goddamn expert. Thanks for the news, motherfuckabee! We wouldn’t know, because all of the tapes have been destroyed. MORE »