Unequivocal terrorist Barack Obama has won Guam’s caucuses by a mere seven votes, 2,264 to 2,257. Know some HOPE, Hillary. Usually only 1,000 voters turn out for this thing, because what’s the point, surely they have beaches and stuff to hang out on all day while most of us only have the Internet. Ha ha, Hillary is such a loser. [AP/Yahoo]

Barry Obama was raised in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, exactly where he is opening an office right now. But this one will be on soil even more terroristic than Hawaii — it will be in Guam, home to nothing. MORE »