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Tag: grover norquist

Grover Norquist In Denial Over Breakup With Cheating GOP

Grover Norquist, an anti-tax crusader who is definitely totally also a Muslim, first sanctified the union between Congressional Republicans and himself with the Taxpayer Protection Pledge in 1986. It has been, for the most part, a harmonious relationship grounded...

Petition To Punch Grover Norquist In Dick Removed From White House Petition Site

Well, Wonketteers, we bring you some very depressing news: the petition for "all everyone to punch Grover Norquist in the dick" has been removed from We The People, the White House's platform for direct democracy. This saddens us greatly...

Adorable Underdog Somali Militants Offer Two Camels For Info On ‘Lady Of Bill Clinton’

Somalia -- a scrappy, can-do failed state that is the platonic ideal for those who want to shrink government down to the size where they can drown it in the bathtub -- is not taking it lying down that...

Mean Old Alan Simpson Not Done Yelling At Republicans

Here is the thing about the newest RINO, former Alan Simpson: back when he was Wyoming's lone Congressman and then its senator, he was about as conservative as Republicans got -- save a Jesse Helms here and an old...

Grover Norquist: Why Are All These Democrat Nazis Holocausting Poor Billionaire Eduardo Saverin?

Poor Eduardo Saverin! All he wanted to do was renounce his American citizenship, coincidentally shortly before a big honkin' tax bill came due from his Facebook public offering or something (we don't know, it was all the news there...

Jobs Report Slightly Less Awful, Democrats About to Beat GOP For Once

NEW YORK—Big news this morning out of the Bureau of Labor Statistics: the unemployment rate dropped! Like, a lot! People without jobs are now at the lowest number they've been at since six months or so after the economy...

Wingnut Anti-Tax Hero Grover Norquist Actually Muslim Extremist?

It was a long, long reign of terror. But slowly, and at long last, real conservatives are coming to understand the true identity of anti-tax Republican hero Grover H. Norquist: He's a dangerous Muslim extremist! Important wingnut Internet Newspaper...

Ha Ha Ha, It’s A Funny Joke About Joe Stack At CPAC

Here is President-Viceroy Sir Buttfuckington of Human Events introducing his best friend in history, Grover Norquist, who has been so edgy about his difficult life recently and could very well be planning to blow up his own Austin IRS...

Grover Norquist Hearts John McCain

Poor old John McCain is having a hard time these days, now that his party has been taken over by nativist ignoramus lunatics who have no respect for an ancient WAR HERO who once teamed up with a liberal...

Politico Gets The Scoop On DC’s Top Masturbation Material

We're a day late to this one and have no time for long, meandering first paragraphs about nothing. Here's the deal: The Politico has written a pornographic feature about how it wants to fuck Peter Orszag, Grover Norquist, Christopher...

Young Conservatives: They’re Young, And Conservative, &c.

Perhaps in honor of CPAC, but with no mention of CPAC at all, the Washington Post has run a delightful "color piece" this morning about what it's for young Republican hatchlings looking for work in Washington, where they are...

Tough S.O.B.s

‘The Onion’ DC Reception