After a multi-week hiatus, today’s Wonk’d features the return of George Stephanopoulos, who’s hip to the best pizza in DC. Also, from NYC, the bi-metro Clintons party with, but not like, rockstars, while Al Gore dry-humps his SUV. Cynthia McKinney keeps it real, and, uh, Ruben Studdard was here for some reason. Finally, a sighting so heinous it needs a disclaimer: If you make the jump, and read what follows, you will be unable to completely erase the mental image from your mind. Things thought cannot be unthought — even with all the drugs you bought last night for the weekend.

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Alleged defrauder Grover Norquist with noted drunk Jim Ramstad MORE »

• Reliable Source: Linda Sanchez is very funny. We were there and Grover Norquist wuz robbed… “Reliable Source” would not out anyone, unless it somehow involves Cafe Milano. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Bill Maher, who creeps us out, enjoys Washington’s many fine strip clubs… Chris Matthews is finally silenced, but unfortunately it’s by Robin Williams. [Examiner]
• Rush and Molloy: Dennis Hastert was forced to cancel a fundraiser at 21. Due to secret gay shame. Or something. [NYDN]

All photos by Liz Gorman, Hayekian Girl Reporter.

Last night, Wonkette schlepped down to the Heritage Foundation do shoot up and fuck our sisters listen to a debate on Libertarians versus Conservatives, with Jonah Goldberg of the National Review Online, and Nick Gillespie of Reason Magazine — and, this week, of Wonkette, making us a bit biased. Quite a bit biased, actually, as we’ve learned time and time again that, our own rich-soaking tendencies aside, drinking with Libertarians always means a good, if poorly-remembered, time.

Full report, after the jump.

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• Japan is considering military action against North Korea. [AP via Yahoo]

• Mobs of Shiite Muslims in Baghdad violently attacked Sunni neighborhoods yesterday morning, leaving leaving more than 50 dead. A retaliatory bomb exploded later at a Shiite mosque. [WP, NYT]
• Peter Hoekstra, chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, sent a letter to President Bush last May claiming that the administration’s unwillingness to brief the committee on certain unspecified “major intelligence programs” could be a “violation of law.” [NYT WP]
• Wages for rich people are rising higher than wages for not rich people. [WP]
• Grover Norquist is finding his luster as superstar Republican fundraiser fading a bit, due to his Abramoff connection and general sliminess. [WP]
• Rick Santorum, facing a tough reelection campaign in a state he doesn’t actually live in, is “reintroducing himself” to Pennsylvania voters. [NYT]

This week DC was packed with has-beens and also-rans, still probably looking better than everyone else. Chuck Norris enjoyed a steak, but wasn’t on a stake-out. Bo Derek has traded in the couture for the sale down the street. Madeleine Albright has a book to hawk (but she’s a dove), Ari Fleischer thinks his Blackberry has too many buttons, and Grover Norquist wants everyone to know how his name is spelled. Plus your latest installment of “Where is George Stephanopoulos This Week?,” and a raft of reality TV stars must have washed up on the banks of the Potomac. Test your memory after the jump!

The month of May has come, when every lusty heart beginneth to blossom, and to bring forth fruit! Readers, bring forth fruit in the form of sightings, then send the juicy tidbits to us via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (along with the name of your heart’s desire!). Flourish in tipstery deeds! Gracious thanks!

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Springtime in the city, and everybody is out grubbing. This week in Wonk’d finds Bill Clinton, feasting like a king, er, president; Justice Samuel Alito, chowing like it was his constitutional right; and Michael Chertoff, securing some risotto. Also spotted: Steve Carell, filming a new movie; Tom Brokaw, picking up some workout threads; and Grover Norquist, doing the shimmy-shimmy-shake. All this and more, of course, after the jump.

Loyal readers, you have supplied us with a bounty of celebrity sightings this week. Take advantage of the warm season, and go out and spot more people that may or may not want to be spotted. Then send the info to us via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (along with the name of the spotted celeb). Thanks!

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Here are two quotes from the weekend papers that we particularly enjoyed. The first comes from a Boston Globe article about how Americans for Tax Reform, headed by anti-tax crusader Grover Norquist, has received contributions from some unlikely sources — including $4.3 million from Richard Scruggs, the Mississippi trial lawyer known for supporting Democratic causes: MORE »

* Dubai Port World will sell U.S. ports; the company “announced its decision after the White House appeared to signal that Mr. Bush wanted a face-saving way out of the shift by declining to repeat his veto threat.” [WP, NYT, W$J]
* Port saga upended Republican strategy for midterm elections. GOP pollster: “[Bush] has no political capital. Slowly but surely it’s been unraveling. There’s been a direct correlation between the trajectory of his approval numbers and the — I don’t want to call it disloyalty — the independence on the part of the Republicans in Congress.” [WP]
* Dubai Port World –and Bush– came to see the “political reality.” [NYT]
* Tribe chief secured meeting with Bush after donating $25,000 to Grover Norquist group at the advice of Jack Abramoff. [NYT]
* Senate panel receives its first White House briefing about NSA eavesdropping. [WP]
* Pentagon will let Iraqi forces deal with civil war, Rumsfeld says. [WP]
* Some fear the U.S. is becoming more protectionist and isolationist. [NYT, WP]
* Bush seeks more faith-based funds. [NYT, WP]
* Abramoff’s BMW had $48,000 worth of custom work. [NYT]

• Washington Whispers: Al Gore insists he is not running president. . . Rep. Jim Nussle (R), frontrunner in Iowa’s gubernatorial race, has received donations from potential ‘08 contenders. [USN&WR]
• Inside the Beltway: DNC hand-delivers 160,000 separate FOIA requests about spying to the Justice Department. . . Christopher Hitchens, Grover Norquist, Wayne LaPierre, Bob Barr spotted at Old Town Alexandria’s Landini Brothers restaurant. [WT]
• Inside Politics: White House is searching for all of the photos that show Bush with Jack Abramoff. [WT]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Al Franken expects help from Hillary Clinton if he runs for Senate: “She totally gets it. She’s got a great, goofy sense of humor.” [NYDN]

• Reliable Source: Al Gore woos Grover Norquist with PowerPoint on global warming. . . The Yacht Club, the Bethesda singles bar, is closing after 17 years. [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: Former White House chef maintains that his ouster was “amicable.” [NYDN]