Wonkette

America’s Princess Diplobot had a busy end of March: She celebrated 4,000 troop deaths in Iraq, reminisced about slavery, and reignited vice presidential rumors all by herself, by doing nothing more than talking to a friendly bear. Way to go, girl! Catch up with Condi after the jump!

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As if Americans didn’t have enough trouble with The Illegals coming up from Mexico to take all of our high-paying lettuce-picking jobs, there’s a new menace on the horizon. It comes from the lost pirate nation of Australia, which is sending a flood of lobbyists over our borders and depriving many hard-working Americans of the right to bribe Congress for a living. MORE »

This week, Dave Chapelle, Carl Levin, Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, Grover Norquist, Margaret Spellings, Ann Gillespie, Rusty, Chris Matthews and Masi Oka were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

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As you may have heard, The Onion now has a DC edition. And because one party celebrating this wasn’t nearly enough, they threw another one last Wednesday. This one was a slightly classier occasion, with a more exclusive guest list and much classier venue: the Folger Shakespeare Library. MORE »

* Conservative anger orgy generates new things to hate at a grueling pace. [The Gaggle]
* Grover Norquist is still belly-dancing and wants his fellow tax-crusaders to do the same. [Think Progress]
* It’s acceptable to tolerate Rick Santorum for however long he’s talking smack about McCain. [The Swamp]
* Sharon Stone is desperate enough to play Valerie Plame in what will surely be the most boring movie of whatever year it gets released. [Variety]
* Where they know Biden best, they like him least. [Political Wire]
* Barry Hussein: advancing left-of-Stalin policies since 2004. [MoJo]
* The many sins of Keith Olbermann will now go unheralded. [Olbermann Watch]
* Just not perky enough Katie, just not perky enough. [On Tap]

Those interested in the commuting, eating, and theater habits of John Bolton , Evan Bayh, Grover Norquist, and Sam Donaldson will find this week’s Wonk’d to their taste. Those more interested in the handjob “Tucker Carlson” got in a KFC bathroom from one of DC’s famous tranny hookers will also be well served by reading on.

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Looking for a Friday diversion? Have some highlights from last Wednesday’s Grover Norquist breakfast meeting: MORE »

Bold facers display their blithe indifference to the common man in this week’s Wonk’d as Alan Greenspan laughs uproariously at the unsuspecting pawns in Borat, Bill Clinton ignores dead bodies in the street, and fey Karl Rove won’t even give a guy a courtesy nod. James Baker still keeps it real by hanging at bars - but only if they’re really classy. At least there’s always Marion Barry, who’s hip to the hot spots, and down with the cool styles. All these celebrity drinking habits, plus Grover Norquist reduced to buying last season’s irregular suits off the rack, after the jump.

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* There is no political strategy. Just a list of Republicans Rahm Emanuel has allowed to live. [My DD]
* Yusuf Islam pulls the peace train into the station, now wants “Everyone to jump into the bomber van. Come on now, bomber van.” [The Jawa Report]
* George Bush only gives nicknames to those he loves, and he loves every Democrat in Congress. [The Morning News]
* Republicans not sweating election results, continue “high-fiving each other whenever they take a break from dancing jigs.” [1115.org]
* Today’s Martin Luther King memorial groundbreaking ceremony was emotionally charged for all, except for Tommy Hilfiger, the stone faced man. [The Swamp]
* Time magazine blames Democrats’ sissy looking mascot for this week’s boring cover design. [Media Matters]
* Asked about lessons Republicans could learn from the midterm elections, Grover Norquist offers, “Don’t throttle mistresses.” [FT]

After a multi-week hiatus, today’s Wonk’d features the return of George Stephanopoulos, who’s hip to the best pizza in DC. Also, from NYC, the bi-metro Clintons party with, but not like, rockstars, while Al Gore dry-humps his SUV. Cynthia McKinney keeps it real, and, uh, Ruben Studdard was here for some reason. Finally, a sighting so heinous it needs a disclaimer: If you make the jump, and read what follows, you will be unable to completely erase the mental image from your mind. Things thought cannot be unthought — even with all the drugs you bought last night for the weekend.

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Alleged defrauder Grover Norquist with noted drunk Jim Ramstad MORE »

• Reliable Source: Linda Sanchez is very funny. We were there and Grover Norquist wuz robbed… “Reliable Source” would not out anyone, unless it somehow involves Cafe Milano. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Bill Maher, who creeps us out, enjoys Washington’s many fine strip clubs… Chris Matthews is finally silenced, but unfortunately it’s by Robin Williams. [Examiner]
• Rush and Molloy: Dennis Hastert was forced to cancel a fundraiser at 21. Due to secret gay shame. Or something. [NYDN]

All photos by Liz Gorman, Hayekian Girl Reporter.

Last night, Wonkette schlepped down to the Heritage Foundation do shoot up and fuck our sisters listen to a debate on Libertarians versus Conservatives, with Jonah Goldberg of the National Review Online, and Nick Gillespie of Reason Magazine — and, this week, of Wonkette, making us a bit biased. Quite a bit biased, actually, as we’ve learned time and time again that, our own rich-soaking tendencies aside, drinking with Libertarians always means a good, if poorly-remembered, time.

Full report, after the jump.

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• Japan is considering military action against North Korea. [AP via Yahoo]

• Mobs of Shiite Muslims in Baghdad violently attacked Sunni neighborhoods yesterday morning, leaving leaving more than 50 dead. A retaliatory bomb exploded later at a Shiite mosque. [WP, NYT]
• Peter Hoekstra, chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, sent a letter to President Bush last May claiming that the administration’s unwillingness to brief the committee on certain unspecified “major intelligence programs” could be a “violation of law.” [NYT WP]
• Wages for rich people are rising higher than wages for not rich people. [WP]
• Grover Norquist is finding his luster as superstar Republican fundraiser fading a bit, due to his Abramoff connection and general sliminess. [WP]
• Rick Santorum, facing a tough reelection campaign in a state he doesn’t actually live in, is “reintroducing himself” to Pennsylvania voters. [NYT]