Tag Archives: gross

  thursday fun post about hitler

Today In Hitler: Hitler Loved Cocaine And Bull Semen And Farting Everywhere

Here is your weekly Thursday Fun Post About Hitler! What has Hitler done now? Well, according to Science, Hitler “craved cocaine and cars,” injected himself with young bull semen so he could have mad coked-out bull sex with Eva Braun, and farted up a storm, maybe in Eva Braun’s face, because he was hilarious and also, too, because he was a vegetarian. Man, Hitler was nuts. When will Obama apologize for being Hitler and farting and doing coke in fast cars with bull semen? Read more on Today In Hitler: Hitler Loved Cocaine And Bull Semen And Farting Everywhere…
  hey dad I'm in jail

You Want a Job, Don’t You? Super-Hot Orange County Republican Basically Sexed Up Whole Office

Current Republican Santa Ana City Councilman and recently resigned in disgrace Orange County executive manager for public works Carlos Bustamante is in so much trouble, you guys! After he made pretty much the whole office do sex on him in exchange for promotions, he had to resign his sweet $178,000 gig with the county, and now all the mad supervisors have sent his case to the District Attorney, for JAIL. Read more on You Want a Job, Don’t You? Super-Hot Orange County Republican Basically Sexed Up Whole Office…
  froggy went a-courtin'

Nixon Library Exhibits Disgraced Dead President’s Mushy Love Tripe To His Bride

Hey fellas! Are you trying to get that special lady to let you and only you into her moistened drawers, but the only instruction you’ve got so far is from “Mystery” telling you to “neg” her (insult her to her face) or Joe Francis telling you to offer a trucker cap to show you her tits (insult her to her face)? We are not saying insulting a girl to her face is not a time-honored and proven way to get you some lady-lovin’, but perhaps you could try something a little more suavay! Take this love note Richard M. Nixon wrote to Pat, while they were a-courtin’! Read more on Nixon Library Exhibits Disgraced Dead President’s Mushy Love Tripe To His Bride…
  police state sleazebags

Sketchy ‘Activist’ Trying To Sex You Is Just an Undercover Cop, Probably

Do you like to protest against the 1% and also rage against the machine and also find sex partners at the various activist actions? WATCH OUT, and not just for the usual reasons of venereal disease and having some dude never leave your couch. Undercover police are increasingly being given orders to have sexytime with young, sexy activists. Totally legal, at least in England, right now! (So Obama probably already made it “legal” in America, with a “signing statement.”) Read more on Sketchy ‘Activist’ Trying To Sex You Is Just an Undercover Cop, Probably…
  sausage fest

Rick Perry’s Rumored Adventures In Gay Sex, Now in Book Form!

Biblehumper bozo barbie Rick Perry has been annoying everyone lately with his truly awful attempts to prove to the Jesus People contingent that he deserves to rule the country for his Tex-ass tuff talk on gays in the military, so it’s fitting and timely that openly gay former Texas legislator Glen Maxey (a Democrat, we said “openly”) has just released a hilarious new book-form collection of the many sordid rumors indicating that Rick Perry may just be the most monstrously self-loathing closeted old queen in America. Sneak peek “revelation” from the book: some guy who claims he had anonymous sex with Perry says the hair monster has a small penis! Read more on Rick Perry’s Rumored Adventures In Gay Sex, Now in Book Form!…
  suck his koch

Pervert Herman Cain Has Sexy Job Creation Plan For Ladies (VIDEO)

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player So much for all those helpfully vague harassment accusations leveled against serial sex creep sociopath Herman Cain! Here is the disturbingly graphic money quote from Sharon Bialek, a former National Restaurant Association employee who alleges she went to Cain in 1997 for help getting a new job: “He suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg, under my skirt, and reached for my genitals. He also grabbed my head and brought it towards his crotch.” And then he asked if she wanted that job or not. So technically Herman Cain might be right when he keeps saying those “harassment” charges are false, in the sense that they are actually more like assault. Read more on Pervert Herman Cain Has Sexy Job Creation Plan For Ladies (VIDEO)…
  mark halperin has a new boyfriend

Rick Perry Is Now God and Mark Halperin Is His Moses

Unlikable jabbering punditurd Mark Halperin got a very important interview with soon-to-be presidential candidate and wingnut imbecile heartthrob Rick Perry. Mark Halperin named this mammoth journalistic achievement, “He Speaks,” which is also Jesus-talk for “God said something important.” Interesting information! Does Mark Halperin have something to “reveal?” Is Rick Perry God? Does He maybe have some things to share with everyone? Is Mark Halperin the new Moses? And in that case can Mark Halperin nominate himself to be in charge of writing all those things down in his column? “Why does God think God should be the next president of being Rick Perry?” is the first question. Answer: “God loves being Rick Perry’s God so much God is now Rick Perry.” Oh good answer, now a follow-up! “When did you first learn you were God?” Answer: “George W. Bush said so in a phone call.” Interesting, very interesting! Read more on Rick Perry Is Now God and Mark Halperin Is His Moses…
  endless cummer '11

Furry Sex Creep Oregon Democrat Is Your New Anthony Weiner

Who wants to hear about boring old “debt ceiling” issues such as old people being pushed into landfills because of no more money? What America needs is a Way To Laugh Again, and it got that bouquet of clown farts Sunday night as Madame Ex-Speaker Nancy Pelosi called for an official inquisition against Oregon’s best-loved weirdo in Congress, Representative David Wu. What did Wu do, you ask? Well, his whole staff quit as soon as he was elected last year, and the bizarre “dressed in a tiger furry costume” self-pix he sent to everyone was just part of the problem. The latest outrage is that Wu allegedly “had an unwanted sexual encounter with the teen-aged daughter of a campaign donor.” Well if he didn’t want it, why did he (allegedly) do it? Oh wait, right, it was the teen who said DO NOT WANT to sexytime with a freak politician, maybe? Read more on Furry Sex Creep Oregon Democrat Is Your New Anthony Weiner…
  so unnecessary

Gross WaPo Headline Announces Rick Perry Has ‘Huge Opening’

Thank you, Washington Post, our crappy lunch tasted better on the way back up. The killjoys in editorial have already changed this headline to read “Rick Perry has ‘huge’ opening as many in the GOP establishment remain uncommitted,” which does not matter because we now have our screen capture for the rest of eternity and every “Rick Perry is gay” rumor post ever written. Read more on Gross WaPo Headline Announces Rick Perry Has ‘Huge Opening’…
  good riddance

CNN Fires Eliot Spitzer For Boring Everyone To Death

Eliot Spitzer is unemployed again, because ratings on his terrible CNN solo talk show “In the Arena” have repeatedly indicated that America is not interested in watching Spitzer sex himself on teevee. What about if Eliot Spitzer pays America to watch? Would she do it then? No, gross, just please go away. We have never seen this awful program, mostly because we are creeped out by Eliot Spitzer and find his opinions inspid. Oh well, he still has that mind-numbing¬†Slate column for torturing people who like that kind of thing.¬†Replacing Spitzer in the 8 p.m. time slot will be Anderson Cooper with his furry fetish program, which apparently does it for America enough that it will also begin running twice a night. Read more on CNN Fires Eliot Spitzer For Boring Everyone To Death…
  dongressman weiner

Anthony Weiner Is 100% Crazy … Crazy For Twitter Gals, We Mean!

Have you heard the hot news about Anthony Weiner and the never-ending dick joke that is now the entire life of this once-promising congressman — or should we say dongressman? — and how he will go to “rehab” to stop loving the young womens on Twitter? Yes, the liberal pinup Democrat who loved to go on the teevee so much to hear himself talk, and also loved to send pictures of his peen to random people who said hi on Twitter, well now he is off to the crazy house, for treatment. Treatment! It’s what liberals do, when they are caught doing things. They want to “work it out,” and also vanish for hopefully long enough for their tawdry scandals to fall off the top of Google News. Read more on Anthony Weiner Is 100% Crazy … Crazy For Twitter Gals, We Mean!…
  team mittens

Romney Wants Teen Girls To Know He Loves Those Mormon Vampire Books

When will middle-aged GOP Christian white working-class people embrace the billionaire Mormon elitist Mitt Romney? When teen-aged girls realize Mitt is “just like them,” and not until! That’s why Mittens went on the Today Show to let any teens who already dropped out of high school know that he loves “silly stuff” like the sexy abstinent vampires from the Twilight series of books and movies. Like all teen girls with goth tendencies — remember, Mitt spent his formative years in France, killing people in car crashes — Mitt loves to curl up under the comforter with his fellow Mormon Stephenie Meyer’s soft-core stories about girls gettin’ it on with guys even though nobody takes off their panties. Read more on Romney Wants Teen Girls To Know He Loves Those Mormon Vampire Books…
  tales from the crypt

Rich GOP Entertainer Urges Seniors To Accept Destruction of Medicare

About 55 years ago, American kids who weren’t allowed to buy “race records” by the likes of Chuck Berry or Fats Domino were helpfully directed by white shopkeepers to safe, white versions of the popular songs by a very white pop singer named Pat Boone. He wasn’t some colored hoodlum with the greasy hair and the sex ideas! No, he was just a clean-cut college boy, and the college was probably Bob Jones University or Liberty University or whatever the middle-1950s version of those places might’ve been … and from history we know that actually the entirety of America was like those places, so anyway … sorry, we’ve lost our point and can’t do these ginormous Wonkette sentences quite so effortlessly as some of our predecessors. Back to the TXT version with ADHD: Wealthy old white nostalgic entertainer Pat Boone says go ahead and kill Medicare, because he is rich and doesn’t need it. Read more on Rich GOP Entertainer Urges Seniors To Accept Destruction of Medicare…
  the sperminator

Arnold Aide Says Governator Always Brought Lusty Ladies To Hotel

Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t just bang his housekeepers all the time, while he was married to a woman apparently living in the same house. Arnold also had “CHP Dignitary Protection Services” officers deliver hot young club girls to the Hyatt in Sacramento where he lived while governatin’ and fornicatin’. This, according to political journals including the Daily Mail and National Enquirer, happened constantly. Some people just should not be allowed to have free time. Read more on Arnold Aide Says Governator Always Brought Lusty Ladies To Hotel…
  she's no lewinsky!

Massage Teen Says She Wasn’t ‘Lent Out’ To Bill Clinton, After All

Is Bill Clinton still America’s creepiest old horndog? Maybe not! Some gal who was a 17-year-old masseuse/sex slave for Democratic bigshot Jeffrey Epstein says she was not “lent out” to Bill Clinton. So that’s something! Then again, she’s a trim little surfer gal with blonde hair, and that isn’t really Bill Clinton’s type. Read more on Massage Teen Says She Wasn’t ‘Lent Out’ To Bill Clinton, After All…