Wonkette

“One more hit, baby. Just one more toke on the ole oil pipe. … Give me one more pop from that drill, please, baby. Just one more transfusion of that sweet offshore crude.” PUT THAT AWAY. [New York Times]

Hey ladies and gay men, have we got the sexy ticket for you today! Your lovers can now purchase McCain Condoms, a promotion by the Practice Safe Policy organization. Having trouble pleasing your partner? Well just throw on ol’ Johnny Latex, with an image of WALNUTS! emblazoned on your “McCock,” and… well… you will last a very long time! [McCain Condoms]

Jenna and Henry are really married! But the very private 92-degrees-outside Texas wedding at the livestock pond at least offered George W. Bush another chance to do something embarrassing on the dance floor. Guess what song Jenna and Daddy chose for their special dance? Creepy yacht-rock fuck ballad “You Are So Beautiful,” that’s what. Let’s cringe together, after the jump. MORE »

Hillary Clinton did a very personable interview in the latest issue of People magazine, which made a one-time exception in this case to feature a robot. When Hillary was asked what her last present to Bill was, she responded, “I give him little mementos I find. He’s collected frogs a long time, and I found a metal frog that I thought was cute.” And now Bill Clinton’s metal frog is filing a sex harassment lawsuit against him, in Arkansas. [The Caucus]

Forty years ago, twice-divorced teevee gal Barbara Walters was happily getting it on with a Republican senator from Massachusetts. Not only was Edward Brooke the first straight Republican politician, but he was also the first black man elected to the U.S. Senate. You know, that is racial transcendence.

“Baba Wawa” reveals all the horny ’70s details on Oprah Winfrey’s show next week, and we’ll all be watching. But because we won’t, here’s what supposedly happened. MORE »

These are Obama’s “I’m a Jerk” waffles he ate (OR DIDN’T EAT?) for breakfast yesterday at a Scranton diner. You may now purchase the leftovers on eBay, assuming you are one of the seven Americans who can afford both food and prescription drugs. [eBay via Times-Tribune]

So do you try to inflict pain quickly?

“No, but I do give pleasure slowly.” [Newsweek]