Ha ha ha we randomly clicked on this LA Times headline thinking, “Alex Kozinski, isn’t she that rich NYT gal with the plastic surgery and the surrogates?” But no, duh, the name should ring a bell because Alex Kozinski is the infamous cow porn judge who shocked America last June with revelations that he kept pubic-hair shaving instructionals and other naughty photos, such as naked ladies painted like cows, on some (whoops!) publicly accessible Web page. MORE »

• WHAT’S GROSSER THAN GROSS? “While he was unpacking, Young discovered a videocassette, according to the book pitch. Hunter had been hired by the Edwards campaign to videotape the candidate’s movements, but this one is said to have shown him taking positions that weren’t on his official platform.” [New York Daily News]

Wonkette new media operative “Will C.” points out the very tech-savvy Washington Post coverage of a shooting. Liveblogging, Twittering, videos of unemployed chicks singing in the bathtub about murder, it’s all there. Things haven’t been this exciting since the midnight launch of Windows 95. [Washington Post]

Once or twice a year, we give in and post a “humor” video because it is just that good. (This means you can still keep not sending us links to the Daily Show, Colbert, Tina Fey, etc.) So, enjoy this “Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny’s” segment, which is just tragic and true.

Republican operative Ralph Nader is always plotting against the Democrats, so now he’s back with the explosive charges that slimy rum-swigging scam artist Terry McAuliffe offered the Nader campaign some money — maybe fifty bucks? — to stay out of tough states in the 2004 presidential election. And how’d that work out? Well, the Democrats lost, though not because of Nader. (Hint: IT WAS KERRY & EDWARDS’ FAULT, FOR BEING AWFUL.) And now Terry’s running for governor of Virginia, what will happen?! MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon

What basic human impulse motivates the men and women who stride the corridors of power in our nation’s capital? Is it a desire to advance the interests of their nation? An urge to mold the government to reflect their political ideology? Do they wish to help their fellow citizens? Is it mere lust for power? Ha ha, obviously none of these are the real reason; rather politicians seek to attain and to hold elected office on the federal level because of the insatiable tingling of their naughty parts, because Washington, D.C., is a great big fuckfest for gross, nasty people who would otherwise spend their time masturbating morosely. Cartoons will show you this, though you’ll wish that they hadn’t. MORE »

Mormon crickets: If you live, say, anywhere in the American West, you know these horrifying animals as a persistent cannibal scourge that can form a phalanx a mile across and two miles long, marching through the desert in search of food. If you are a senator “from” Arizona who grew up in Virginia and spent most of his life in Washington D.C., they are a punch line to a terrible joke. MORE »

James Carville and Paul Begala: they are lurking in the shadows of our nation’s capital, hidden behind a mysterious “door,” and when you open that door they will jump out wearing Batman suits and rape you before they steal your kidneys. Find out how you can get in on this one-in-a-millennium sexytime action, after the jump! MORE »

EWWWWWWWWWW Oregon state legislators are filthy! All they talk about is blood and poop and semen. They wrote a bill about this stuff because they are gross. (Also, to protect Women.) Basically it says that before you give the nice lady a Cleveland Steamer, make sure she consents. MORE »

Let’s see, it’s … yep, it’s a day of the year, so that means another exciting “Help Hillary Pay Her Campaign Debt, With Your Money, Instead of, Say, the Clintons’ Fortune” email. Today’s spam comes from the “Actual Psychopathic Cajun,” Mary Matalin’s equally frightening spouse, James Carville. Just hit that DONATE button and fork over the cash and you may win an exciting and very sexy time with horny ex-president Bill Clinton, or an even sexier time with Carville and Paul Begala. MORE »

The store Walgreens has PULLED this insane Barack Obama Chia Pet from its shelves, and now 200,000 of them are simply sitting in a warehouse. Apparently customers complained that the beige Obama head with green hair was RACIST against black people and junk. At least that’s what this article is implying? Or maybe the complainers were Oompa Loompas, although it is generally assumed that the military gassed them into extinction sometime in the ’80s. [CBS2]