Tag Archives: grifting

  Cash she wants cash

What The Hell Does Sarah Palin Want Now?

The face of the Republican Party.
The face of the Republican Party. Does Sarah want to be vice president when Donald Trump becomes “president,” because he already said he wants to tap her, in a government way? Does she want to Maverick her way into the You Betcha spot at the last minute and run for president? (Probably not, presidents don’t usually quit halfway through their terms unless they’ve been caught doing Watergate.) Is she just GRIFTING FOR CASH LIKE SHE ALWAYS DOES, because it beats getting a real job? All these questions come to mind as we watch this new “documentary” on how awesome she is, conveniently released the same week as the first Republican primary, because Palin has never seen limelight she didn’t want to toss word salad in the middle of. Read more on What The Hell Does Sarah Palin Want Now?…
  We Watched So You Wouldn't Have To

The Long And Fartknocking Road: A Sarah Palin Channel Retrospectacular

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
This is the final installment of The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, a series made possible by a generous grant from Fartknocker. Relive all your favorite Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report moments at the Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report Archives. And thanks for supporting Yr Wonkette. Read more on The Long And Fartknocking Road: A Sarah Palin Channel Retrospectacular…
  help us help you help us

Thank You For Being A Friend

These ladies were never part of the GOP base.
Comrades! Do you remember yesterday, and today, when your Wonkette was broked? The husband yelled and scared the baby. Kaili shook and trembled and PANICKED! like an undrugged sheltie on the Fourth of July. Dok and Evan took a nap. I poured liquor into a cup and searched for fundraising thermometers that looked like dicks. So pretty much a typical Wonkette day! Except for one thing: how we asked you for moneys and then you sent us FIFTEEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED OF THEM. Read more on Thank You For Being A Friend…
  also lawyers and guns

Wonkette Es Broked, Please Send Money

Are you reading your Wonkette right now, getting all the important Donald Trump and Sarah Palin and Dana Perino’s husband arrested news? PROBABLY NOT! Our computer machine thingy is probably down RIGHT NOW!!! Funny story! Actually it isn’t, it is very boring, but what is funny is that our husband, Shypixel, is in charge of making the hamsters run for our Internet-machine to work, and the mean people who own the hamsters have killed all the hamsters, and then they are telling Shypixel HE IS THE REAL MURDERER! Read more on Wonkette Es Broked, Please Send Money…
  There's always room for him at the Y-M-C-A

Congress-Model Aaron Schock Comes Out … Of Congress

Last tango in Washington!
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE! Aaron Schock, our beloved globetrotting Republican congressdarling from Illinois, the one what’s had all the ethics violations doggie-styling him for the last couple of months, is resigning his seat to spend more time posting hawt pictures on Instagram: Read more on Congress-Model Aaron Schock Comes Out … Of Congress…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Sue Obama For Stealing The Internet

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
The real story of this week’s Fartknocker Report (Presented By Fartknocker) is about Sarah Palin being super lazy all the way to the bank. We’ll get to that in a minute. But first, let’s watch a video in which Governor Quitterface boldly takes up the late Sen. Ted Stevens’s mantle as Some Alaskan Person Who Doesn’t Understand The Internet. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Sue Obama For Stealing The Internet…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: The Greatest Gift Of All

This week, Sarah Palin pumped out a lot of Christmas-themed content, showing us that it is truly better to give than to receive, so long as you’re giving to the Sarah Palin Channel. On closer inspection, all her Christmas videos are from the same filming session, thus further proving our theory that the Sarah Palin Channel is the most ruthlessly efficient grift going. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: The Greatest Gift Of All…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Abortion, Vikings, And The Obvious Grift

The Sarah Palin Channel is conducting a fascinating investigation into just how little content it can publish without losing subscribers. Palin has published fewer than 22 minutes of video this month, and even that abysmally small number is inflated. For example, Palin’s post on December 4th is three minutes and 26 seconds long, but the final 1:20 is a SarahPAC video posted to YouTube more than three years ago. The longest video she’s posted this month was her Hunger Games-inspired Ask Me Anything (runtime: 6:44), which, by definition, is just Palin giving off-the-cuff responses to her fans’ questions. And the only piece of content she’s published in the last seven days is a 97-second-long video titled “The Never Resolved Debt Crisis,” that was shot in 2013; this is spun as “never-before-seen” content, rather than a boring bowl of word salad that should have been left in the garbage where it was originally dumped. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Abortion, Vikings, And The Obvious Grift…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

When the Grifter Queen of The Last Frontier announced the creation of her own website/TV channel, we laughed along with the rest of you. “It’s just a way to make a quick buck, and she’ll probably quit halfway through, haw haw haw,” we larfed to ourselves. But it’s been a week, and she hasn’t quit yet, and one Wonketeer donated enough money — real American dollars — for a year’s subscription and a bonus Ulysses S. Grant to dull the pain of whichever sap got stuck watching, for you. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker…
  think they're all bozos on that bus

Snowgrifter Update: Sarah Palin Selling Bus, Starting Teevee Channel, Learning Guitar

We have News of the Grifter for your weekend contemplation: Sarah Palin is going to start an all-new digital teevee channel with the working name “Rogue TV,” according to an anonymous source who is familiar with the project. Also, if you want to buy her old not-a-campaign bus from the “One Nation” tour that she abandoned partway through the 2012 campaign season, that’s for sale, too. We completely believe she’s selling the bus. Read more on Snowgrifter Update: Sarah Palin Selling Bus, Starting Teevee Channel, Learning Guitar…
  you can't get this at the Learning Annex

Wingnut Blogger Sad Lee Stranahan Will Teach Us How To Blog About Politics And Maybe How To Love

You guys, we’re pretty terrible political bloggers. No, it’s true! People tell us this all the time. Sure, those people are often bloviating jackholes who don’t have the brains that evolution gave a gopher, but still it wounds us. When it’s 3 A.M. and we’re wide awake and the demons come, we cry out into the darkness of our lonely blogger cave: How? How can we do gooder political blogging more better, so we will be popular and people will give us monies and buy our mugs and t-shirts and 2014 Men of Wonkette wall calendar? (Note: one of those items may not exist…yet.) Yesterday the answer came to us: we’ll turn to blog favorite Sad Lee Stranahan! Who better to teach us how to blog about politics than a man who cut his teeth writing for Dead Breitbart’s Llama Masturbatorium and Semen Depository? By a huge coincidence Sad Lee was at that moment promoting his teaching skills on the Twitterz. Let’s see what the blogging master has to offer! Read more on Wingnut Blogger Sad Lee Stranahan Will Teach Us How To Blog About Politics And Maybe How To Love…
  rod of dejection

Report: Sad Bradlee Dean Has No More Ministry Maybe :(

Wonket BFF Bradleeeeeeee Dean, best known in this here corner of the Interwebs for a laughably dumb threat to sue us back in The Day, is reportedly without his cult of unpaid Hare Krishnas begging outside gas stations (and getting thrown out of the van when they didn’t pony up for gas themselves), as they seem to have all up and quit, oh no! Who will help him grift school districts out of “anti-bullying” (bullying) funds now? Read more on Report: Sad Bradlee Dean Has No More Ministry Maybe :(…
  no one knows what it's like to be a sad man

Whoops Looks Like Your Wonket Is Getting Sued Again Maybe, But Probably Not (Update: Almost Definitely Not!)

UPDATE: We are almost certain the entire “Legal Defense Fund” website is a hoax to make Mr. M. Joseph Sheppard look bad, which is a shame. Mr. M. Joseph Sheppard will look how he will look without help from any “clever” Internet folk. We apologize for having been very stupid. SHAME ON US. SHAME. SHAAAAAAME. Read more on Whoops Looks Like Your Wonket Is Getting Sued Again Maybe, But Probably Not (Update: Almost Definitely Not!)…
  oh girl please

A Woman’s Prerogative: Transgender Lady Felon New Hampshire Rep Changes Mind (Again)

Stacie Marie Laughton, recently elected to the New Hampshire statehouse after years of grifting (not “allegedly”) and campaigning for every office in the Live Free or Die state, got found out about her felonry and said she would resign her office. But now she has exercised her woman’s prerogative and changed her mind again, and will be taking her seat in the legislature after all. (This will probably change in the next half hour, or maybe even already did.) But we have a question, and we are trying to be as sensitive about this as is possible for your Wonkette, because we do not feel like wading through a bunch of waiting-to-be-moderated Jezebel-style comments about looksism, heteronormativity, and cisgender bias: Do male-to-female transgendered people have to try to look like women? Or could any bald dude with a beard put on a shmatte (like, not even bothering to put on some pearls, Klinger-style) and yell, gutturally, “HELLO I AM A LADY NOW”? Is “HELLO I AM A LADY NOW” yet another of Stacie Marie Laughton’s grifts? Let us consider (and remember our manners). Read more on A Woman’s Prerogative: Transgender Lady Felon New Hampshire Rep Changes Mind (Again)…
  we apologize in advance for this post

Michele Bachmann Thinks Her Dirty Autograph Is Worth $125

This is a screen capture from the exciting beggar’s epistle that arrived in our inbox today from Michele Bachmann! See it there at the bottom, that last sentence? Right, so here’s our question: does this mean Michele Bachmann would actually, personally write “Thank you, Jism! Love, Michele” in one of her vulgar vampire fiction books if we sent her $125? Read more on Michele Bachmann Thinks Her Dirty Autograph Is Worth $125…