Tag Archives: grifter

  Tomorrow Is Another Day

Sarah Palin Loses Fox News ‘Job’ Again, Guess She’ll Have To Find New ‘Job’

Wait, you're saying she was still on Fox? Huh.
Toll the bells, America, for an era, it endeth: Fox News will not renew Sarah Palin’s contract. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Never again will Fox viewers ever see their Beloved on the telescreen, except for whenever she wants to show up as a non-contracted guest, which will probably be about as often as she actually “worked” for the network after it brought her back the second time: Read more on Sarah Palin Loses Fox News ‘Job’ Again, Guess She’ll Have To Find New ‘Job’…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin So Mad Barack Obama Loves ISIS More Than Jesus

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
The Sarah Palin Channel continues to stick with its two-videos-per-week production schedule. Once again, both videos feature Palin in front of the same backdrop, saying things at the camera that are either dumb or lies or both. This week’s feature: How President Barack Hussein Osama Bin Lyin’ Is Helping ISIS Murder Christians, With Words. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin So Mad Barack Obama Loves ISIS More Than Jesus…
  movin' on up

In Bout Of Not-Affirmative Action, GOP To Promote Party’s Lone Remaining Black Representative

Rep. Tim Scott (R-SC), who is the Other Black House Republican Besides Allen West, is your newest Senator from South Carolina, after Jim Demint left to grift money at the Heritage Foundation!  YAY!!! Many people think that Tim Scott is somehow better because he is more moderate than Allen West, which is sort of like a fried Snickers bar being healthier than a fried Twinkie because it is covered in slightly less batter.  Also because, much like a Twinkie, Allen West was defeated and therefore no longer really exists. As it turns out, Tim Scott is fucking crazy, but he has that sexy Michael Jordan head rather than Allen West’s weird graying Kendall Gill flattop, so all is forgiven. Read more on In Bout Of Not-Affirmative Action, GOP To Promote Party’s Lone Remaining Black Representative…
  snowbilly divorce ethics

Sarah Palin Worried About Oil Money Conflict of Interest In Her Divorce

Way back in 2007, when Wonkette was literally the only national media actually covering Sarah Palin and her ridiculous role as John McCain’s vice-presidential candidate was still just a stain in Bill Kristol’s underroos, the Wasilla grifter was already planning her divorce from amiable extremist dolt Todd Palin. Emails finally released on Thursday show Sarah was scheming even then, and wondering if her divorce from Todd — a laborer on the North Slope oil fields — would somehow lead to charges of conflict of interest because of Governor Sarah’s “drill baby drill” policies. None of this makes any sense, because Sarah Palin is a lifelong idiot. But she is consistently phony and amoral, when it comes to “family values,” at least! Read more on Sarah Palin Worried About Oil Money Conflict of Interest In Her Divorce…
  america's last days

Sarah Palin Movie … Nominated For An Oscar? (OH WAIT NOT REALLY)

Can the Wasilla Grifter possibly get another five minutes added to her expired fifteen minutes of infamy? Well, yes, of course. Besides, her fifteen minutes actually turned out to be three-and-a-half years, which is pretty substantial for an aging snowbilly grandma whose one and only talent was being less physically repulsive than John McCain, back in 2008. Anyway, that awful feature-length commercial for Palin’s nonexistent presidential campaign, Undefeated, has been nominated for an Academy Award (TM) … and not even in the expected categories of Animated Feature Film or Hilarious Costume Design. UPDATE FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT MOVIES: Ha, thank Christ, it’s a different movie also called the same thing, Undefeated. Whew. Read more on Sarah Palin Movie … Nominated For An Oscar? (OH WAIT NOT REALLY)…
  grifter´s downfall

Sarah Palin Reduced To Hosting Dinners At Disneyworld

Damaged-goods dingbat Sarah Palin is so unpopular and forgotten these days that only Florida’s state GOP wants her around, at a trade-show rubber-chicken dinner, at Disneyworld. Palin has apparently accepted an offer to jabber for a few minutes in exchange for a platter of convention food and a bag of soiled dollar bills. But she’s not even the Star Attraction! According to the event’s flyer, printed out in Microsoft Word by a temp employee, evil cue-ball Rick Scott and one of his fake minions (“chairman Lenny Curry,” sure) are the actual headliners. Read more on Sarah Palin Reduced To Hosting Dinners At Disneyworld…
  new study proves it

Fox News: Americans Overwhelmingly Want Sarah Palin To Disappear

A new Fox News poll says 71% of Republicans don’t want quitter-grifter Sarah Palin in the 2012 race. But why? Isn’t she still fun? No? Apparently not. She is a worn-out old circus hag, and even teabaggers have noticed that the only thing she cares about is getting media attention for Sarah Palin. Could the Wasilla creep’s celebrity gravy train finally be breaking down? We hope so! We also hope the Palins do what every white-trash lotto-winning family always does, which is piss through the whole insane fortune in a couple of years and wind up destitute. That toothless crone selling meth in the bathroom at the Anchorage train station in 2020 is likely to be one-time vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin! Read more on Fox News: Americans Overwhelmingly Want Sarah Palin To Disappear…
  the wasilla quitter quits again

Basket Case Quitter Sarah Palin Cancels Her Own Tea Party Headliner

What has Sarah Palin quit today? Her own headline act at Iowa’s big Tea Party circus this Saturday. And how is this different than everything else this mentally unstable con-artist has quit since losing her one and only national election? Well, this time, she managed to attack her former dingbat-grifter protege Christine O’Donnell in the process, because Sarah just couldn’t stand the idea that a younger, prettier version of herself might take some of the spotlight — even though Christine O’Donnell isn’t even considered a “potential presidential candidate” by the delusional old white cranks of the Tea Party. Oh, Sarah, you never let us down, the way you constantly let everyone down. Read more on Basket Case Quitter Sarah Palin Cancels Her Own Tea Party Headliner…
  hahahahaha

Sarah Palin Movie Suffers Like Its Protagonist From a Case of the Quits

In spite of record heat waves and the rising cost of air conditioning bills that make repeated trips to the movie theater perhaps a sensible alternative to heat death, moviegoers across America still found the courage to give Sarah Palin horror flick The Undefeated a resounding middle finger for the second weekend in a row. The film took in a hilarious $24,000 from the 14 theaters where it is showing, a 63% dropoff from even its first pathetically miserable weekend. Why has Sarah Palin’s cult of sweaty white angerbear fans not scootered over en masse to theaters? The fines for being caught fapping in a public theater have gone up, we suppose. Well, so that experiment is wrapping up, and now the movie is going immediately to home video. Read more on Sarah Palin Movie Suffers Like Its Protagonist From a Case of the Quits…
  Repello Muggletum

Harry Potter Teen Devil Magic Annihilates Sarah Palin Home Movie

Faded reality-teevee grandma Sarah Palin was hoping her remaining fans — other bitter middle-aged white people who expect to get rich without working — would flock to the premiere of the new two-hour commercial/home movie about Sarah Palin. But in the Republican stronghold of Orange County, California, one of only ten theaters nationwide to release the propaganda last night had exactly one person in the audience. And that person was only there to write Harry Potter jokes about it, for The Atlantic. You see, last night was also the premiere of the last Harry Potter movie. And once again, the sexy powers of Witchcraft have obliterated the boring world of angry old unemployed people complaining about the Negro. Read more on Harry Potter Teen Devil Magic Annihilates Sarah Palin Home Movie…
  farmville for dummies

Any Random Sarah Palin Email Is Scandalous, As We Prove Here

The Guardian, America’s greatest paper that is actually a socialist paper from somewhere in England, has this fun gimmick where you can see an unseen Sarah Palin Secret Email just by clicking a button. It is like Farmville, but actually dumber than that. The very first random unseen email we saw was a blank page that said “State of Alaska” at the top. Somehow not scandalous! But the very next one has a scandal involving BP and a brother-in-law and the usual paranoid Palin bullshit. So, we figure exactly half of these emails — roughly 12,000 — are proof of Palin’s criminal snowbilly behavior. Put her in Gitmo before she emails again! Read more on Any Random Sarah Palin Email Is Scandalous, As We Prove Here…
  thrilla from wasilla

Sarah Palin’s ‘Rolling Menace’ Bus Tour Makes Everyone Hate Her More

More news about snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin’s rented bus stunt wreaking havoc with both the nation’s road safety and the GOP chances in 2012? Yes! Here is the first part, courtesy of the important webzine The Politico, which employs adults to drive dangerously behind Palin’s caravan: “As they left the clambake she attended Thursday in New Hampshire, Palin’s two-SUV caravan traveled at 52 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone as it peeled away from the hosts’ neighborhood. Both cars blew through a stop sign about a mile later. They did 70 mph in a 55 mph zone on I-95.” Clambake, eh? We thought that was some kind of sitting around a campfire at the beach sort of thing, like in LL Bean. No, because with Palin everything is a monster truck rally. And she is the monster. Read more on Sarah Palin’s ‘Rolling Menace’ Bus Tour Makes Everyone Hate Her More…
  history is now fixed

Palin Supporters Invade Wikipedia With True Story Of Paul Revere

Sarah Palin and her supporters are doing many idiotic things today, so here we are posting about her again. Upon hearing that their illiterate leader revised American history to tailor Paul Revere’s ride to reflect her NRA-themed wet dream about scaring off British soldiers by hollering and waving guns, Mama Grizzly’s supporters’ first reaction was to immediately try to change the historical record to match this account. So let’s see, where is all actual history stored? Wikipedia! Her supporters flocked to Wikipedia and furiously edited factual inaccuracies into the Paul Revere page, because Palin is never wrong, like the Pope. Read more on Palin Supporters Invade Wikipedia With True Story Of Paul Revere…
  gold medal in dumb

Sarah Palin Also Wrong About Everything Else She Says On Dumb Bus Tour

Her hilarious re-imagining of American History is getting most of the lulz right now, but a guy called “Fact Checker” at the Washington Post has put together a semi-comprehensive list of other major falsehoods the Wasilla Grifter has jabbered into microphones since renting that tour bus. Read more on Sarah Palin Also Wrong About Everything Else She Says On Dumb Bus Tour…
  the grifters are coming! the grifters are coming!

Sarah Palin Has No Idea Who Paul Revere Was, Or What He Did

Jabbering imbecile Sarah Palin and her rented tour bus continue to bring laughs to America. Here’s how she described Paul Revere’s famous 1775 secret horseback ride through the countryside where he quietly warned revolutionary conspirators of the British Army’s progress between Boston and Lexington, where they planned to arrest Samuel Adams and John Hancock: “He who warned uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.” You must watch this video from the local news in Boston. Read more on Sarah Palin Has No Idea Who Paul Revere Was, Or What He Did…
  small sad protests

‘Media Whore’ Sign Briefly Taped To Side of Palin’s Rented Bus

Why didn’t New Yorkers pick up Sarah Palin’s entire dumb bus with her dumb picture plastered across both sides and dump the thing in the Hudson, with her in it? New Yorkers are busy! They can’t be bothered to bodily evict every jerkoff wingnut who comes to town. Anyway, somebody taped a little teeny tiny sign on Palin’s rented bus. Read more on ‘Media Whore’ Sign Briefly Taped To Side of Palin’s Rented Bus…