Tag Archives: greatest depression

  bloody caesars for all!

HOORAY, WE’RE RICH AGAIN! RECESSION OVER … In Canada

Feeling a little fancy today? You should be! If you’re Canadian, we mean …. Because the Bank of Canada has announced the Horrible Recession is over, done, finished, kaput, était finie. But only in Canada, and only for Canadians. Dang. [Canada.com/Globe and Mail] Read more on HOORAY, WE’RE RICH AGAIN! RECESSION OVER … In Canada…
  our flourishing economy

Senate Bailout Doesn’t Actually Save Collapsing Economy

Hey, you half-million people seeking unemployment checks last month: Did you not hear that Congress and Hank Paulson are going to Save the Economy? And what about you Wall Street analysts finally admitting, today, that the United States is in a terrible recession? Did you forget that John McCain believes the fundamentals are strong? Read more on Senate Bailout Doesn’t Actually Save Collapsing Economy…
  all problems solved!

Brave Senate Saves Massive Gov’t Spending Bill

There were many frayed nerves Monday — about 777 frayed nerves, or more than $1 trillion in soiled panties — when the loopy House of Representatives voted against a giant government spending bill to help homeless Wall Street executives buy one of John McCain’s unwanted mansions. But everybody with money can rejoice again, because the Senate voted tonight, 74-25, to approve an even bigger spending bill that includes not only the original $700 billion blank check for Hank Paulson, but also a lot of those “earmarks.” John McCain voted YES, obviously. Read more on Brave Senate Saves Massive Gov’t Spending Bill…
  whoops

Global Capitalism Fails, Ends

Well, shit. Fun while it lasted, right? For us, anyways — the elites who had the MacBooks and iPhones and flat-screen teevees and cars and hot water and, uh, food. Pretty much sucked for the other 5 billion, but whatever, it’s all academic now. Ha, not really, because there will be no more academics. Just fighting, fighting other people (and rats, mostly) for food. And then fighting over the rats, and the rotting corpses of the people. Fun Fact: Many societies turn to cannibalism once they’ve hit bottom! TO RECAP: Global sell-off, stocks plummeting worldwide, the NASDAQ dropped like 5% this morning, which is kind of incredible. Read more on Global Capitalism Fails, Ends…
  how will walnuts ruin this?

Liveblogging the Barack vs. Obama Mississippi Massacre, Part I

Good lord, people, who even knew we would be doing this, tonight?! Just think, drinking and watching some crap on the teevee and maybe just cold layin’ down some blogs. Oh yeah right that is just the normal life in America every single day … or it was, before the Economy Collapsed. Anyway, who knows what Walnuts! will do — not wear pants? Pick his nose and wipe it on Jim Lehrer? A vaudeville softshoe? Everything’s possible when you are an absolutely crazy old idiot. Read more on Liveblogging the Barack vs. Obama Mississippi Massacre, Part I…
  it's on!

Coward McCain Will (Maybe?) Show Up Tonight, So Here’s Your Debate Drinking Game!

Whew, that was close. Goofy old national joke John “Walnuts!” McCain had threatened to skip tonight’s debate unless he, uh, solved the Financial Crisis. Luckily for us, the 500-year-old clown can’t “keep his word” for more than a few minutes, so of course he’ll be at the debate tonight, unless he changes his mind again, which happens often when you can’t remember what you just said and have no idea what you’re talking about, anyway. So, huzzah, we will get to drink on a Friday night after all! Get out your iPhone or whatever and make a shopping list, because it’s time for Wonkette’s Famous Debate Drinking Game! Read more on Coward McCain Will (Maybe?) Show Up Tonight, So Here’s Your Debate Drinking Game!…
  our flourishing economy

Barney Frank & Harry Reid Will Kill John McCain

Barney Frank is ANGRY, again, and John McCain better stay away from the portly House Financial Services Committee chairman. He says they’re all working with “serious Republicans” but that obviously means no McCain. Frank’s doing a live press conference, which we would liveblog, but we already did one of those this morning and it’s not even noon. Also, the People are going to start lynching CEOs (which is racist) if there’s not some relief for the common folks, &c. Read more on Barney Frank & Harry Reid Will Kill John McCain…
  wait what?

HELP US, GEORGE W., YOU ARE OUR ONLY HOPE? Oh dear lord, George W. Bush will be rolled out in a moment to speak about the Depression, again. Liveblogging will occur. [Associated Press] Read more on …
  what will mccain destroy next?

Washington Mutual Collapses; McCain Destroys Bailout Deal

There are no more nights in politics or business — only the endless horrible grind of collapse and fuckery, 24 hours a day, including this newest chapter in our latest, greatest depression: Washington Mutual has collapsed, and was closed by the Federal Government late Thursday night. It’s the biggest bank failure in U.S. history. And the bipartisan congressional-White House-Treasury bailout deal that might have stopped the bloodshed, well John McCain visited Washington for the first time in half a year and wrecked EVERYTHING. Read more on Washington Mutual Collapses; McCain Destroys Bailout Deal…